396. Fly Away Child

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I knew you were my everything,

Yet one day, that you would die.

I studied you in the distance;

A form of God on earth.

I worshipped without question,

The toiler of my birth.

I called out with no reply.

I saw you there unmoving.

I wondered why you were so still,

Neither loving nor disapproving.

Like a picture of a memory,

You were perfect in my eyes;

With a smile: warm and tender.

I was naive and unwise.

Then a feeling hit me like a rock,

And I ran as tears fell down.

I ran, and ran, and ran,

Through the wheat at dawn.

I came so close to you,

I swear I heard your heart,

And as you faded away,

I kept listening for your heart.

Yet, your heart, it left with you,

Along with my youth.

You left me unsure of my worth,

For to me, you were it’s proof.

I was only a child afraid,

Who wanted you to stay,

But my picture of you drifted,

On the winds of a new day.

You never ran to me, not once;

Nor cared to hear my heart.

If I ever needed a hug,

Or if I’d fallen apart.

I wish I’d known on that day long ago,

No matter how hard I ran,

I’d never have made it there in time,

For you to hold my hand.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

On the day I said goodbye,

To the picture I had of you,

And turned toward the sky.

It’s blue was as an ocean: pure,

I found hope in it’s peace,

That even those left all alone,

May find their love increase.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I wish I could have let her know,

That one day she’d be able to fly…

Into the loving arms of some distant, future sky.

K. Aldaya, 5/20/17

Picture: https://www.videezy.com/free-video/cornfield

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269. You Don’t Want to Be Found

Artist.Request.full.1409528

I tried to find you,

But you don’t want to be found.

I wanted to love you,

But you don’t know what love is.

I want to forgive,

But you will never let me.

I wish you could just give…

A reason for rejection.

I tried to find you,

But you don’t want to be found;

So tonight, I hugged you,

In my dreams, there, you were found,…

And you still hated it.

K. Aldaya, 5/1/14

Picture: Artist Unknown; Added by IChigo Kurosaki on Zero Chan; http://www.zerochan.net/1652887

250. Please Forgive Me

sad-little-girl

I’m really very sorry,

That I was born this way.

I’m really, truly, sorry,

That this won’t go away.

I know it is just awful,

To have a child as me;

And you must have a chestful,…

Of disappointment, and plea….

To your God, “Oh Why? Oh Why?”….

“Was I burdened with such?”

“A child so sinful to mortify,

My holy human touch?”

Children as that: all the same;

They all have the disease!

There is no cure for its’ name,

Or its’ eyes which displease.

I know you deeply hate me,

For being born this way.

Down on my knees I could plea,

But this won’t go away.

Sorry you had to bother.

Messed up your perfect plan.

Please, won’t you forgive me father,

For being a woman?

K. Aldaya, 8/26/13

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://merryfarmer.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/sad-little-girl.jpg

149. Unlovable

parental-rejection

I’ve heard of this thing called love.

I like to believe I know how it feels,

Though know of no such love,

Carried deep and pained for me,

Though I’ve been burdened long for thee.

Hast thou seen no thing called love,

Within thy heart for me?

Yes, thou has seen no such love,

Deep in me…just loveless pains,

For without love my heart vast wanes.

What tortured passion is this love,

To show forth what it be,

And then again this thing called love,

Disappears and is not felt,

Abandoning the hopeful heart in which it dwelt.

I’ve heard of this thing called love,

I like to think I know of it well,

Though know of no such love,

Carried for me, ever by thee,

Though I’ve been burdened long in hope’s of some love from thee.

K. Aldaya, 6/28/05

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; Originally from Getty Images; http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/parental-rejection.jpg

69. No Soul

Unforgiven_by_ThousandLies

It waits here all alone at night,

Wishing a dream to live in light.

So waits in dreams of happiness,

Which daily fade to less and less.

It waits for love to come its’ way,

Knowing that no love will stay.

Reaching out to the unknown,

Confliction is the message shown.

Wished for love that cannot be.

Soul is not a soul you see?

For there is no soul for ye!

K. Aldaya, 8/14/04

Picture: “Unforgiven” by ThousandLies on Deviant Art; http://thousandlies.deviantart.com/art/Unforgiven-119151229