490. The Zoo

photo-1505924384154-1e782437ace7

Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey see. Monkey do.

You are but one tiny speck,

Inside a cosmic zoo.

Play the part and socialize.

Be the best you can be;

As long as you don’t mope ’bout,

Or wish that you were free.

Entertain. Live and fit-in.

Walk in rounds ’til you’re sick.

Don’t wonder ’bout breaking out.

Fighting instinct’s tragic!

Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey blind. Monkey sad.

If you’re mere biology,

Existing should make you glad.

Monkey swing…

…Monkey fall.

K. Aldaya, 9/11/19

Picture: By: Chris Yang on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/4CZ4lZGX53g

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479. System Overload

Feeble…Faint…

It’s not real…not real;

Yet your legs have grown weaker,

Finding it best not to feel.

Panic…Pain…

The illusion clears.

No one’s coming to save you.

There is no use for those tears.

Terror…Fear…

That pain in your chest…

It tells you it’s not over.

For a victim, there’s no rest.

Horror…Loss…

There’s no going back.

The program’s installed…running…

And insanity’s the hack.

Empty…Numb…

A system with eyes,

Which carries out instructions…

As it’s humanity dies.

K. Aldaya, 7/10/19

Picture: From Humans; Emily Berrington as Niska; https://giphy.com/gifs/experience-amc-humans-sXhM9f1UIgYW4

476. Places to Go

I long to escape,

Yet I’ve nowhere to go.

My heart lies on the ground,

Covered over with snow.

I long to fly up…

Upon the winds, and free,

Instead at the window,

I dream of being me.

I long to return,

To the sun and the earth,

Where I feel warm and light,

And every breath has worth.

I long to escape,

Though I’ve nowhere to go;

Yet when winter is gone,

Do not find me and sow.

Please spread my dust out,

I have places to go.

K. Aldaya, 5/21/19

324. Tragedy Incarnate

michael lloyd cemetery

I am the ghost of who I used to be,

Who is haunting this world now, for eternity.

I’ve lived a million lifetimes. I feel it in my bones;

The aching of sore fingers spent manuscripting tomes.

Stories of humanity… of tragedies and victories;

Of poverty and destruction. Wealth and vanities.

Will the story ever end? And what will be it’s ending?

I’m tired of thinking and repeating. My soul needs time for mending.

You and I, we are the story of the universe.

We’ve written it out, in our blood accursed.

Will time end and its’ confines of aching bone and skin.

Prisoners: most ignorant of the cage we continue to live in?

We all write on…another chapter for the universe to read;

So it can expand endlessly, while we (mere) mortals just bleed.

Bleed planets, and bleed the stars…Our souls are etched with the scars,

Of the universes’ beauty;

Written on each gravestone, and carved from fleshly duty.

K. Aldaya, 12/16/15

Picture: By Michael Lloyd ; http://www.lightstalking.com/the-shark-tank-and-what-you-missed-this-week-on-light-stalking/

301. Haunted

MyHauntedMansion~~element27

I know you will not understand,

When I say he wants me dead.

You will never understand what it’s like,

For another to live in your head.

To cut into your flesh so deep,

They bleed into your blood;

So violently invade your skin,

That they form a crimson flood,

And break down all the barricades,

Built to protect the spirit.

And barge inside so loudly,

That it frightens all who hear it.

All the parts of you, they hide,

In other rooms and floors;

They hide for fear of being found:

Cowering behind locked doors.

For the intruder walks up and down,

The corridors and stairs,

With his knife scrapping the walls, he walks,

And through each keyhole glares.

If anyone gets out of place,

And tries to run or sneak.

He’ll hear, find, and punish them,

At the softest of a creak.

Some parts of you will try to fight,

Yet it always ends the same.

A blood-bath; as a mortal can’t win,

An immortal at his game.

I know you do not understand,

When I say he wants me dead.

That he hunts the halls and that he guards,

The prison in my head.

No one can escape or leave.

No one’s allowed freedom.

Some live in fear, or plan escape,

Yet most are simply numb.

Please try to understand me,

When I say I cannot tell you.

To open up those locked doors,

Is something I can’t do.

To open them I risk my life,

And all the parts of me.

He’d kill body or mind to hide,

His crimes against sanity.

Hush now. Hush and be still,

And believe what you will.

For I know, yet cannot fully say,

Why my mind is haunted still.

K. Aldaya, 4/23/15

Picture: The Haunted Mansion Corridor at Disneyland; http://www.haunt1000.com/publishImages/MyHauntedMansion~~element27.jpg

299. Star Crossed Lovers

bed-couple-embrace-shine-sparkle-universe-Favim.com-54089

No matter how far we reach,

Our spirits remain distant.

We long to meet…reach…and reach…

Yet our skin is resistant.

Our skin and bones detain us;

Hold us under lock and key.

On and on our sentence drones.

In death will we be set free?

Or is this a death sentence?

Life in prison. No parole;

Without recourse or defense,

Then shot dead through the keyhole?

Someday if our deaths’ pardon.

If souls traverse the cosmos.

Will we finally meet someone,

Discern and draw in so close,

That two souls may become one?

K. Aldaya, 4/7/15

Picture:  By kelsey-makes-you-smile.xanga.com; http://favim.com/image/54089/

273. Life is an Abuser

woman in depression

Life is an abuser,

And I, his unwilling victim.

Everyone tells me I’m wrong.

I should give in,

And go along.

Life is an abuser.

He hurts me all the time.

Everyone tells me to like it.

I should enjoy,

And commit.

Life is an abuser,

And I should love my abuser.

Everyone says I have to,

If I want love,

And acceptance too.

Life is an abuser,

He tells me I’m ungrateful,

And guilts me into staying,

And taking it,….

And praying.

Life is an abuser.

I sit in the corner and chant….

It’s okay….okay….okay….okay…,

But don’t believe it….

Not today.

Life is an abuser.

I tire of being his toy.

He loves to mess with my head.

It hurts so much,

I wish I were dead.

Life is an abuser,

And I, his unwilling victim.

Everyone tells me it’s okay,

But it is not…….NO…..Not today!

K. Aldaya,  6/16/14

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://www.kuramamagazine.com/images/suicidal%20girl.jpg

238. Inside My Head

room-with-bed-fineartamerica.com-GaryHeller

Inside my head.

A couch.  A bed.

A world.  A dream.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A girl.  A ghost.

One hiding.  One host.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

She’s tortured.  She’s dead.

Over and over…

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A shadow.  A man,

With perverse plan.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

He haunts.  He hunts.

He torments.  He affronts.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A blackness.  A shape.

A darkness.  A rape.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A demon.  A hell.

Fear; despair dwell,

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

As I lie down in bed.

Wake to the dread…

In my head…

…..In my head.

K. Aldaya, 04/25/13

Picture: by Gary Heller; http://www.garyhellerphotography.com/album/abandoned-places?p=1#25

237. Cannot Live

should_i_give_up_by_ineedchemicalx-d4dhemr

I cannot live.

I cannot die.

Can’t say hello,

Or say goodbye.

Can’t stay silent,

And cannot fret.

Cannot remember.

Cannot forget.

I cannot join,

Or isolate.

I cannot love.

I cannot hate.

I cannot sing.

I cannot cry.

I cannot live,

Yet,… I cannot die.

K. Aldaya, 4/14/13

Picture:  “Should I Give Up” by iNeedChemicalX on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Should-I-give-up-264511827

227. Dancing Bones

Tools_for_Survival_by_xxtechnoxluvxx

Quickly. Run as fast as you can!

Faster. Faster.

Do anything you can,

To breathe, yes, one more day;

And avoid the fast-looming disaster.

Move. Move your hands and move your mind.

Do now. Right now.

Focus on what you find.

Think not of lacking air.

Keep smiling,…walking, talking anyhow.

Busy. Keep busy and avoid,

Feeling. Sensing,

Lungs to which you’re devoid.

Pretend you can breathe yet.

No one will know if you don’t stop to sing.

Keep on moving. Run faster still.

Hide-out. Hide-in.

Hide away so no one will…..

Notice you’re not breathing;

For you’re nothing,

But dancing bones living in skin.

K. Aldaya, 01/06/12

Picture: “Tools for Survival by xxtechnoxluvxx on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Tools-for-Survival-129480051

226. The Basement is My Home

creepy_basement_by_creature_of_habit_22-d4ezhub

The basement is my home.

It haunts me when I’m away,

And chills me to the bone.

The basement is where ‘she’ lives,

And where the ‘demon’ lives.

I’ve heard dog bark at his voice;

Though near the door will never roam.

The basement is my home.

I close doors to hideaway,

But the voices won’t leave me alone.

The basement is where ‘her’ voice,

And where the voice of horror echoes;

Whispering: “I’m still here…..hear?….

Come down to my vast catacomb!

The basement is my home,

And home to silent screams.

A dark penetrating moan,

And horrid silence….a silent drone.

Frozen with fear: dead-inside,

I forever roam…..

A world of endless doors,

All leading to my basement home.

One day I’ll have to return home,

Chained for all time,

Afraid and alone.

K. Aldaya, 01/03/12

Picture: “Creepy Basement” by DevilishInk on Deviant Art; http://devilishink.deviantart.com/art/Creepy-Basement-267035411

118. The End is Here

DTLAND0346bw

He knocked on my door,

To show that he is here.

Tall, dark, and frightful.

Morosely laughing,

Provoking sound fear.

Traducing the silence,

Bitter-shrieks of mis’ry,

Not out from within,

But stolen;

Ripped forth out from me.

Sharply he turns back,

Quick, flees out the doorway.

Came in just as he left,

“You can’t ever leave,

Right here you will stay!”

Day ‘vades his exit.

Window-rays torment well.

With uncertainty,

Time laughing,

As tolled: the End Bell!

K. Aldaya, 2/1/05

Picture:  “The Old Wooden Door” by Dan Tucker: http://www.photographybydantucker.com/; http://www.photographybydantucker.com/gallery2.php?ImgCatIDurl=1&ImageID=133&page=4

109. Seclusion

Girl_Interrupted_Series_lV_by_LivingDeadGurlx

Seclusion.

Years in lone seclusion.

All alone.

Dark, empty intrusion.

Seclusion.

No one to hear the screams,

That echoed,

Off these old roof beams.

Seclusion.

Dwelling in this castle,

Of ancient.

No kind company’s hassle.

Seclusion.

What such a soul would give,

For a voice,

To make the silence live.

Seclusion.

O’ to be cared about.

One small glimpse,

To wipe away kinds’ doubt.

Seclusion.

Ghosts only fill these halls.

Their shadows,

Bolt across the walls.

Seclusion.

Haunted by these shadows,

From the deep,

That speak what ne’er shows.

Seclusion.

Desolate phantoms wail.

Vile, dead hopes.

Time does not avail.

Seclusion.

Out from tower seeing,

For cov’ring,

Grim forest unfreeing.

Seclusion.

Above I oversee,

The mis’ry,

Which is hanging over me.

Seclusion.

The sky is dark and cold,

Faded black,

As a nightmares’ enfold.

Seclusion.

In this place I cry,

“Find me here,

As I here ‘lone, must lie”.

Seclusion.

Eternally lost here,

In castle,

Which in the mind does sear.

Seclusion.

No one to hear each breath,

Keeping me,

From the near land of death.

Seclusion.

In the corner I hide,

Shaking as,

I so often have cried.

Seclusion.

Is where I e’er reside.

K. Aldaya, 12/09/04

Picture: “Girl Interrupted Series IV” by LivingDeadGurlx on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Interrupted-Series-lV-50416935

85. The Prison

creepy-basement

Trapped.

A cold damp cell to sleep.

Alone.

In dark silence I weep.

Tired.

Nightmare dreams do seep.

Silenced.

I dare not make a peep.

Afraid.

Of what I’m soon to reap.

Wicked.

My chastisements steep.

Waiting.

Heart begins to leap.

Doomed.

Closer, shadow does creep.

Scorned.

Sentenced as below cheap.

Forsaken.

In entombed dirt heap.

Terrified.

Shivering in nights’ deep.

K. Aldaya, 10/11/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://baseballfordinner.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/creepy-michigan-basement.jpg

30. The Jungle of Forever

dark forest spot

Here I am amidst this vast, dense jungle. How did I get here whence I came?

Green trees they reach high toward the sky, with each moment seeming larger.

The air is heavy with misty droplets that settle inside and weigh the heart down.

To the right: Fog and darkness

To the left: Black and gray

Underfoot is fresh green grass that’s life fades as you make your way out,

‘Til no grass is left; only blackened soil. “How do I leave this place”, I yell,

“And how did I get here”? My voice echoes and echoes ’til it can be heard no more.

“Please, help me. Please don’t leave me here”, I cry!

But all my voice does is slowly fade and then die.

I’m too scared to move or make another sound knowing not what the darkness holds,

So here I am still in this immense black jungle, not knowing why or how;

Not knowing how to escape from this prison.

This prison that holds me.

That holds me with it’s depths of misery and sadness.

Holds me down to that spot, in the vast jungle,

In that dark place where none can escape once there.

Where none can ever, ever escape.

K. Aldaya, 10/20/02

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://f.nanafiles.co.il/upload/Xternal/IsraBlog/37/91/82/829137/misc/26914710.jpg