376. Baby Piano

Reverberating cries of keys,

Fill me with their piercing refrain.

tumblr_mrw0o78t1i1sphhsjlco1_500

Could I have saved you from your fate,

If I’d had a different name?

Your soul weeps out bitterly,

As my ears turn notes to tears;

So I rip away the wooden case,

And it’s flood echoes my fears.

K. Aldaya, 12/3/16

Picture: http://rebloggy.com/post/piano-memories-past-ghost-gothic-within-temptation-sharon-den-adel-alternative-m/58920725479

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373. Weeping Willow

Weeping Willow

O’ Weeping Willow, why do you hate the daylight so?

Why do you cry to the sun and hang your head so low?

Do you want us all to feel the same way that you do?

Are you angry with the sun, which dries, then feeds you too?

O’ Weeping Willow, why do you love the darkness so?

Why do you wave and smile at the moon; and let your beauty show?

Do you love the dark because it hides your bitterness?

Does the night conceal your tears within it’s tranquil darkness?

O’ Weeping Willow, why do you exist to feel this way?

Why must you live to suffer so?

Why does it have to be this way?

Do you know where we all go when we turn to dust?

Weeping Willow won’t you cry for me too, when you meet my drifting dust?

K. Aldaya, 10/12/16

Picture: http://indulgy.com/post/cbtCpMSUW1/theclouser; http://indulgy.com/ana–bella/myperfect

357. Sleep

alone-arms-bed-depressed-depressing-emo-Favim.com-47601

You always sleep when I cry,

And one day you will when I lie…

in a coffin: the bed of the cursed.

Remember you shunned my pain first!

You always ignore when I bleed,

And don’t bother to stop and take heed.

Blades listen much sharper than you.

Isn’t blood now on your hands too?

You always disregard my words…

They drift onto paper like cowards;

Afraid to take to the air,

And be blown away without a care.

You always sleep when I cry,

And one day when I up and die.

Remember I told you I would.

Living: Tell me why I should!

K. Aldaya, 6/15/16

Picture: Originally posted by Doreese on Tumblr; http://favim.com/image/47601/

276. Bloody Hands

alice hysteria

Red as sun-lit roses in the budding-Spring,

The pavement glistens with fresh blood,

And in my heart a piercing thorn bears the moments’ sting.

In my hand is an old-withered rag of white,

And in my soul a battlefield,

Plays a ghostly reenactment of the costly fight.

–Bloody is the rag which tries to hide a guilty soul,

Yet bloodier are the hands which clean without a rag that’s whole.

Red are these hands and the only I have known,….

Are these hands with fresh-blood dripping…

Dripping, and dripping guilt and pain; scrubbing all alone.

Blue as restless oceans crashing to the shore,

Are the tears which crash to the earth,

Never enough to clean the hands of an old child-whore.

–Red as sunlit roses in the budding-Spring,

The pavement glistens with fresh blood,

And in my heart a piercing thorn bears the moments’ sting.

K. Aldaya, 8/19/14

Picture: Inspired by American McGee’s Alice: Madness Returns; Artist Unknown; http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maly49hnQp1qkuk8lo1_500.jpg

274. A Drama Full of Suspense and a Little Bit of Insanity

tvscreen

Is happiness more than distraction?

I wish I could say so.

I wish I knew just what it was,

That makes “happiness” so?

I feel the breeze softly blow,

And the warm golden sun.

The beauty is so great I worry,

It’s just a distraction.

It’s said life is a middle road,

Between two vast extremes.

So I wonder why I cannot find it,

Even in my dreams?

Beauty is sad and cannot last,

So I promptly reminisce;

And wind up just as sad as if,

There were no “happiness”.

Yes, it is sure, I am insane;

And certainly too intense.

Oh, I wish I could change out my brain,

And stop living ‘melodramatic-suspense’.

However, this drama called life,

Has always been this way for me.

The plot plays on through the screen,

Of my minds’ TV.

K. Aldaya, 7/22/14

Picture: by evolutionsgonnacome on Tumblr; http://www.evolutionsgonnacome.tumblr.com/post/6038009903

262. Mommy, Don’t Leave Me

sadness

Mommy, please don’t leave me,

I’m afraid to be alone.

I fear the darkness coming.

Please don’t leave me alone!

Mommy, I’m so afraid,

Of the shadows which follow…

Follow me, and haunt my dreams.

I feel so cold; hollow.

Mommy, I feel it’s near.

Terrified I cringe and shake.

Please don’t look at me that way….

Like I am a mistake.

Mommy, I am sorry.

Sorry I’m a haunted soul.

That you can’t stand to look at,

My sin as black as coal.

Mommy, please hold my hand.

Do not let it go and leave.

It’s coming…yes it’s coming!

There’s no more time to grieve.

Mommy, don’t go away.

I’m so afraid and I see…

A dark form is near…..so near,

I feel death’s here mommy.

Mommy, mommy, help me!

It has me…I scream and scream,

But you don’t seem to hear me.

I scream and scream…and scream.

Mommy, why did you leave?

I step and walk to you now,

And you take my bloody hand.

Mommy, can’t you see now…

How hard it is for me to stand?

Mommy, I’m so tired.

Goodnight.  I wish I could stay,

But the dead do not walk strong,

In the light of a new day.

Mommy, it is so cold;

I can’t feel your warmth at all,

And I walk when I should sleep,

Beneath the night-moons’ pall.

Mommy, I am lonely.

Endlessly walking this path.

Can I sleep forever now?

Mommy, run my blood-bath.

You won’t miss me anyhow.

K. Aldaya, 3/3/14

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://thedarkrosejournal.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/sadness.jpg

256. The Silence of the Birds

girl-550x366

Here I am so lonely.

No one really cares.

I’m just out here surviving.

Why is it no one dares?

To talk to me, or know,

Who I am or long to be?

Or simply say hello,

When they walk on by me?

I’m tired of surviving,

Of doing the right things.

Of saying hello and smiling;

For me, no one does these things.

And yet, they are so simple;

I do them every day.

Though I doubt yet one would call to me,

If I were to walk away.

If I turned and walked,

Up the stairs some more.

And to the top emerged.

And loudly closed the door.

And walked slowly each step…

Tip-tap with the clock.

And softly closed my eyes.

Pondering the tick and tock.

And as the wind,

From the North,

A cold and icy thing,…

Blew, I would step forth,

—-No more to sing.

K. Aldaya, 1/19/14

Picture:  “Girl on the Edge” by Tom Ryaboi: http://www.tomryaboi.com/; http://camyx.com/exposure/2013/11/tom-ryaboi-atop-skyscrapers/

252. It’s Okay

Sunny-day1

It’s okay not to be happy.

It’s okay, my child.

Tomorrow the sun will rise again,

And hearts will again run wild;

Beating up and down the streets.

Flowing through the hours,

O’er-rushing with dreams of cakes and sweets,

And fields of endless flowers.

So it’s okay to cry and be sad.

It’s okay, my child.

Tomorrow the sun will rise again,

And yes, you will have smiled!

K. Aldaya, 9/4/13

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://extremelongevity.net/wp-content/uploads/Sunny-day1.jpg

234. Just Another Broken Soul

broken_soul_by_andygoth666-d4nh06t

I don’t know why I bother.

I write. I weep, in vain.

I’ll never be able to express or convey,

What’s pounding in my brain.

I say a word or maybe two.

You’ll nod your head, “Ah yes!”,

“I understand”.

And I will nod, “Sure…yes”.

But the truth is that it angers me.

How patronizing can you be?

You know nothing of my life,

And I’m glad for it not to be!

You’ll never understand what it’s like to cry….,

Cry away years of your life.

To linger, strive, hurt, and bleed,

The blood from your own knife.

To only know that pain because,

It’s all you’ve ever known;

And never trust joy or happiness,

Forever feeling new and unknown.

But it’s my fault because I was,

Born to take a breath,….to walk.

Born a toy for everyone.

Toys don’t get to fight back or talk.

Toys are made to be used and trashed,

When all the fun is through–a waste–

Of others time and lives…

A regret. A purchase made in haste.

But as I’ve said it’s my fault,

And my place in time and guilt.

If I don’t get over it,

It’s more guilt upon guilt.

Those who damage and destroy,

They get off scott-free –no responsibility;

While I must take responsibility,

For everything which was done to me.

I know what I’m supposed to say.

I know what I should do,

But it would only be because,

I was told it’s what I should do.

I don’t believe that I’m stronger,

Or believe I’m now wiser or better.

Is this Masochism 101?

Must I learn to love pain to be better?

I know it’s not what you want to hear,

And so you may no longer listen;

But yet I still must say it because it’s the truth.

I beg you, listen!

I will never be okay and it is not okay!

I won’t lie and say it’s fine as if it never happened.

Nobody wins and there’s only destruction.

I will hurt until the end.

For a broken soul may never mend.

K. Aldaya, 03/20/13

Picture:  “Broken Soul” by AndyGarcia666 on Deviant Art; http://andygarcia666.deviantart.com/art/Broken-Soul-281289269

224. I Fall Alone

Alone-girl-sadness-cute-in-forest-lonely

Nobody can help me.

I’ll always be alone.

Nobody can save me,

From the nightmare of it all.

Nobody can see me,

When I cry, and scream, and call.

Nobody can hear me.

In this pit of misery I fall….

Forever fall alone.

Nobody can help me.

I’ll always be alone.

Nobody can save me,

From the darkness which encroaches.

Nobody can touch me, hold me, and need me,

As time reproaches.

Nobody can shut out what I see,

As time, in loved-ones, steals from me….

And poaches…

Every joy;

While I lie alone….Forever, fall (to the grave) alone.

K. Aldaya, 12/26/11

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BSVVQ-Qvw-M/UX5kVQC6TpI/AAAAAAAABy8/cmblY9NUAzE/s1600/Alone-girl-sadness-cute-in-forest-lonely.jpg

192. Nothing

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I am nothing, and nothing will I be.

The world cannot create a joy,

Where none was meant to be.

Though to myself I may want life,

Life may not want me;

To e’er be fully-happy.

Though this itself is but a lie,

As fleeting as our lives,

For who can ever hope to die,

Having seen through heavens’ eyes?

O’ God why give life so devoid,

To beings who know its’ loss?

Where happiness: merely a dream,

Can’t be held-firm, time-across?

What then makes us keep going?

When nothing’s all there is?

When nothing’s what you get?

When nothing’s gained in end?

Just nothing…..nothing.

K. Aldaya, 2/20/06

Picture: “Twist in the Dark” by Nicola Bertellotti; http://derelictmetropolis.tumblr.com/post/33052711013/twist-in-the-dark-by-nicola-bertellotti

157. Ardent Hope

stairway_to_heaven_by_floriancats-d5qd4kl

Will I finally be chosen tonight?

The storm-clouds are gathered,

Trembling in the sight,

Of streaks of sunlit-air.

Yes, I see it there…in light.

Is it my turn to be taken?

Basked in branched eye-stars,

Which carry with a shakin’,

My soul to heaven above?

O’ leave me not forsaken!

For forever I will be,

Longing to be there and free.

K. Aldaya, 8/7/05

Picture:  “Stairway to Heaven” by floriancats on Deviant Art; http://floriancats.deviantart.com/art/Stairway-to-heaven-346613349

117. Past Clouds

The past o’er hovers,

In clouds of thick smoke.

Cov’ring the sun,

Of futures’ yoke,

Hope: held by gun!

11

If wishes came true,

What man wouldn’t wish,

For azure skies,

Rays of hope to languish?

Dematerialize,

The sadness.

K. Aldaya, 1/28/05

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-46dx_VyCBug/Te7mSLsggYI/AAAAAAAAAPw/EzA_lKlvVTs/s1600/11.jpg

62. Fading Light

I knew the minute I walked in the door,

That nothing was as it had been before.

Though every piece was still in place,

From hall to dining room, in all its’ grace.

stained-glass-room

The setting sun through stained-glass gleamed.

No lights on, and how alive it seemed!

If only for a moment it will last,

Then store it away in memories vast.

For with the ending of this day,

All life from here shall fade away.

Take a seat amid vibrant light-streams,

In darkening den, to your dreams.

Sit in the  moments ceasing glow,

And contemplate times’ vivid flow.

Wasn’t it just recently the dawn of this day?

Now it’s near gone!

Remember this mornings’ bright sun?

You were here and this misery was none.

Remember when your voice echoed here,

Through the walls…rang so clear.

Remember the last words you said.

“Bye, Love you”, pounds in my head,

As you walked out this homes’ door never to return here evermore.

The sun has set.

All light has left.

In dark I lie loathsomely bereft.

And Yes, I knew the minute I walked in the door,

That your light is fading to some far-off shore,

And darkness will fill its’ place forevermore.

K. Aldaya, 6/27/04 (a.k.a. K. Batza)

Picture:  “Beit El Deen Palace: Stained Glass Room” by beirutmabitmoot; https://beirutmabitmoot.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/526/

55. Back and Forth Living

Back and forth. Back and forth.

The winds hit the trees;

Winds from the North,

More than a breeze.

Tiny clouds. Tiny clouds.

Are all that is there.

Tiny sky shrouds,

Winded near bare.

Blue skies. Blue skies.

Allow for sun’s warm to glorify,

The planets’ form.

Today now. Today now.

This place seems happy,

‘Gods’ great endow,

To you and to me.

zero-gravity-nikolay-9-600x610

A moment. A moment.

Is all it can bring.

All sin descends,

My heart can’t sing.

Reality. Reality.

Returns here once more.

New gravity.

I hit the floor.

K. Aldaya, 3/22/04

Picture: “Zero Gravity Series” by Nikolay Tikhomirov; http://www.123inspiration.com/zero-gravity-surreal-photos-of-women-floating-by-nikolay-tikhomirov/

52. Lost to the Night

abyss_by_ishutani-d5ztss6

Amid darkness the large oak trees,

Reach out to me in the breeze.

The darkness hovers over my head.

The black clouds continually stomp and tread.

No stars can be seen, nor moon.

I only hope that day come soon.

Lost in black I feel them near,

And hear their screaming in my ear.

The voices that linger in great sadness,

And eternally dwell in darks’ abyss.

I can feel their full heart pain,

And the madness in their brain.

My head is pounding and pounding,

With all the pain resounding.

The dark swallows my last daylight,

And I am lost into the night.

K. Aldaya, 3/23/04

Picture: Abyss by Ishutani on Deviant Art: http://ishutani.deviantart.com; http://th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2013/089/8/6/abyss_by_ishutani-d5ztss6.jpg

42. Little Girl

child hiding from dad

Hello little girl I once was,

Are you doing what a little girl does?

You aren’t like all those others,

You are a girl that hides under-covers.

Other little girls don’t do that,

Sneaking and tip-toeing ’round like a cat.

When the night-moon’s up on high,

You don’t sleep but lie and cry.

Little girls aren’t this bad,

They don’t keep their parents mad.

Little girl why is it, that you so often get a hit?

Why are you so often loud?

You know talking’s not allowed.

You can now hide in here,

In the closet hide from fear.

Little girl come out! Come out!

Can’t you hear your daddy shout.

You must leave your cave now,

And greet the thrash of bad’s endow.

Little girl I hate you so,

Why can’t you disappear and go?

You shouldn’t even breathe their air,

You don’t deserve one single hair.

Why are you so disgusting?

You’re such an awfully messed-up thing.

Little girl go hide again.

Stay there ’til I tell you when.

Close your secrets in with you,

Shut them ever in there too.

Little girl your secrets, they,

Must stay forever locked away.

Little girl you need not show,

How you’re badder than they know.

You, yourself, brought this on,

So you deserve what’s foregone.

Hello little girl I know well,

Keep your soul locked. Never tell!

secrets keep

K. Aldaya, 3/08/04

Picture 1:  Photographer Unknown; http://erebusteam.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=1240&d=1368782526

Picture 2:  Photographer Unknown; http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/sites/default/files/child.jpg

40. A Familiar Place

aarin-dark-cemetery

I’ve found that no matter how I try to,

I don’t seem to fit in this world that you do.

I’m on an alien world with all of my thoughts;

A place filled with nothings, nevers, and nots.

But this world doesn’t feel foreign to me,

It’s familiar. I know it. See?

You can feel this place, can’t you?

I’m sure there’s a season when you’ve wandered through.

I feel its’ presence always here, inside.

I try to ignore it, but it never budges aside.

I’ve found that in walking a cemetery through,

That I need be there just as the graves do.

Somehow I fit in this other place,

Where I’m still ever waiting for befitting grace.

The freedom for me to connect with your world,

Where I won’t feel that place with retributions aswirled.

I won’t have to feel that a tombstone’s my own,

That my name should be written on an old gray stone.

A stone in that place that plagues me forever.

A living, vexing dream I never can sever.

K. Aldaya, 2/22/04

Picture:  Aarin Dark Cemetery by Nagoth666 on Photobucket; http://s712.photobucket.com/user/nagoth666/media/aarin-dark-cemetery.jpg.html

33. I Will Stand Alone

lonely-skeleton-survivor

I will stand alone with all I’ve known,

For my life is for me,

For only my eyes to see.

I have stood alone with each cry and moan,

Trying hard to forget,

Leaving residue of regret.

I now stand alone with the creaking of each bone.

I try to speak and release, feeling wrong in wanting peace.

I will stand alone ’cause no one’s on my phone,

For I don’t know how to be free,

To express my agony.

I have stood alone with each cry and moan,

For I’m guilty for my feelings,

For feeling my heart’s in peelings.

I now stand alone with all I have known,

For my life is for me.

For me, to see, and be.

K. Aldaya, 3/30/03

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.survival2020.com/wp-content/uploads/lonely-skeleton-survivor.jpg

17. The Known Life

walkingblackwhitewetpavementshoes

Why does life have to be so hard.

Each day deals us a new card.

Sadness and pain are everywhere,

While happiness is often found to be rare.

People are almost always sad,

But some can hide all the bad.

Life can be so painful when buckets of rain are full,

In your body,

In your mind,

In your heart…which is broken apart.

K. Aldaya, 6/28/02

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/17900000/Random-pics-sad-songs-17925811-894-894.jpg