494. Autumnmous


In the fields of youth I wandered alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home;

And though time passes forgetting today,

I’ve still found no place to stay.

Fall comes again, yet never left;

And the ghosts’ whispers leave me bereft.

I am still alive, though dead.

Tell me: Where is the past to rest it’s head?

I walk among the falling leaves.

Every tree cries out and grieves,

For what is gone may ne’er return,

And what is known we can’t unlearn.

In the fields of youth I wander alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home.

Time left me and will ne’er reappear.

Now I’m a ghost, yet I am still here…

Eternally haunting the present;

And no one notices that I’m absent.

So I wander alone looking for home.

I am a child, though my body is grown.

Time keeps on moving forgetting today.

Yesterday’s gone, and there’s no place to stay.

K. Aldaya, 10/6/19

Picture: By: Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/HwZQGB-ZjG4

490. The Zoo


Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey see. Monkey do.

You are but one tiny speck,

Inside a cosmic zoo.

Play the part and socialize.

Be the best you can be;

As long as you don’t mope ’bout,

Or wish that you were free.

Entertain. Live and fit-in.

Walk in rounds ’til you’re sick.

Don’t wonder ’bout breaking out.

Fighting instinct’s tragic!

Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey blind. Monkey sad.

If you’re mere biology,

Existing should make you glad.

Monkey swing…

…Monkey fall.

K. Aldaya, 9/11/19

Picture: By: Chris Yang on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/4CZ4lZGX53g

364. Us


I cannot sleep. I can’t escape,

The prison of my heart.

The warden holds his keys to me,

Yet I can’t run from my heart,

No matter how much it torments me.

I cannot rest. I dream of you.

My soul’s afflicted by your voice.

Your presence punishes my flesh.

Ah, the warden knows there is no choice…

All men are prisoners of the flesh.

I cannot leave. I can’t escape,

These walls of blood and flesh.

The world is built upon our cells,

Of passion and distress.

For there are no heavens or hells…

Only us.

K. Aldaya, 9/1/16

Picture: from Vampire Diaries; http://www.melty.es/the-originals/photos/

301. Haunted


I know you will not understand,

When I say he wants me dead.

You will never understand what it’s like,

For another to live in your head.

To cut into your flesh so deep,

They bleed into your blood;

So violently invade your skin,

That they form a crimson flood,

And break down all the barricades,

Built to protect the spirit.

And barge inside so loudly,

That it frightens all who hear it.

All the parts of you, they hide,

In other rooms and floors;

They hide for fear of being found:

Cowering behind locked doors.

For the intruder walks up and down,

The corridors and stairs,

With his knife scrapping the walls, he walks,

And through each keyhole glares.

If anyone gets out of place,

And tries to run or sneak.

He’ll hear, find, and punish them,

At the softest of a creak.

Some parts of you will try to fight,

Yet it always ends the same.

A blood-bath; as a mortal can’t win,

An immortal at his game.

I know you do not understand,

When I say he wants me dead.

That he hunts the halls and that he guards,

The prison in my head.

No one can escape or leave.

No one’s allowed freedom.

Some live in fear, or plan escape,

Yet most are simply numb.

Please try to understand me,

When I say I cannot tell you.

To open up those locked doors,

Is something I can’t do.

To open them I risk my life,

And all the parts of me.

He’d kill body or mind to hide,

His crimes against sanity.

Hush now. Hush and be still,

And believe what you will.

For I know, yet cannot fully say,

Why my mind is haunted still.

K. Aldaya, 4/23/15

Picture: The Haunted Mansion Corridor at Disneyland; http://www.haunt1000.com/publishImages/MyHauntedMansion~~element27.jpg

299. Star Crossed Lovers


No matter how far we reach,

Our spirits remain distant.

We long to meet…reach…and reach…

Yet our skin is resistant.

Our skin and bones detain us;

Hold us under lock and key.

On and on our sentence drones.

In death will we be set free?

Or is this a death sentence?

Life in prison. No parole;

Without recourse or defense,

Then shot dead through the keyhole?

Someday if our deaths’ pardon.

If souls traverse the cosmos.

Will we finally meet someone,

Discern and draw in so close,

That two souls may become one?

K. Aldaya, 4/7/15

Picture:  By kelsey-makes-you-smile.xanga.com; http://favim.com/image/54089/

237. Cannot Live


I cannot live.

I cannot die.

Can’t say hello,

Or say goodbye.

Can’t stay silent,

And cannot fret.

Cannot remember.

Cannot forget.

I cannot join,

Or isolate.

I cannot love.

I cannot hate.

I cannot sing.

I cannot cry.

I cannot live,

Yet,… I cannot die.

K. Aldaya, 4/14/13

Picture:  “Should I Give Up” by iNeedChemicalX on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Should-I-give-up-264511827

214. Scream or Shout


So many thoughts inside my head,

But how to get them out?

I wish I knew, or had one clue,

As to how to scream or shout!

All this pain locked away,

Since the dawn of time.

My skin is pain, although in vain,

I ask to know my crime.

Rock is cold and has no soul,

And feels not pain or sorrow.

How is it then, my skin feels it when,

My soul hides deep in marrow?

So many thoughts inside my head,

But how to get them out?

They hide behind, walls of stone and bind….

My tears:  They scream…..they shout!

K. Aldaya, 05/23/11

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.free-hdwallpapers.com/wallpapers/abstract/173332.jpg

118. The End is Here


He knocked on my door,

To show that he is here.

Tall, dark, and frightful.

Morosely laughing,

Provoking sound fear.

Traducing the silence,

Bitter-shrieks of mis’ry,

Not out from within,

But stolen;

Ripped forth out from me.

Sharply he turns back,

Quick, flees out the doorway.

Came in just as he left,

“You can’t ever leave,

Right here you will stay!”

Day ‘vades his exit.

Window-rays torment well.

With uncertainty,

Time laughing,

As tolled: the End Bell!

K. Aldaya, 2/1/05

Picture:  “The Old Wooden Door” by Dan Tucker: http://www.photographybydantucker.com/; http://www.photographybydantucker.com/gallery2.php?ImgCatIDurl=1&ImageID=133&page=4

85. The Prison



A cold damp cell to sleep.


In dark silence I weep.


Nightmare dreams do seep.


I dare not make a peep.


Of what I’m soon to reap.


My chastisements steep.


Heart begins to leap.


Closer, shadow does creep.


Sentenced as below cheap.


In entombed dirt heap.


Shivering in nights’ deep.

K. Aldaya, 10/11/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://baseballfordinner.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/creepy-michigan-basement.jpg

80. Story of a Girl


I’ve often heard about a girl,

From a distant land.

In meager old town she lived,

In house aged and grand;

Which year by year did stand.

The girl from the highest window,

From the place she dwelt,

Day by day sat staring;

Beside the window knelt,

To see the world she felt.

From the window two floors up,

As dawn drew near,

She saw the town yawn and rise,

To greet the days’ premiere.

Ah, the days she did revere.

As the sun scaled the sky,

More peoples appeared.

Following their bearings,

However brilliant or weird;

Hour by hour they steered.

Laughter of various children,

Loudly could be heard,

Playing in a joyful fancy,

With which there is no word;

“Just happy truth”, sings bird.

All pass her house hurriedly,

None to see her form,

Quickly living out their days,

Through sun, wind, and storm,

To societies’ conform.

No notice made of a void,

An emptiness to fill,

With pair of reclusive eyes,

High on a window sill.

A soul, silent and still.

A girl watching intensely,

When the dusk befalls,

Doors closing for the night,

As the moons’-light calls

The silence enthralls.

Dark descends.  Stars glow.

Girl ponders the day.

Many people made it through,

Another spectacular day,

With not one glance her way.

Yet, every morn, at first light,

She wakes before all,

To see the sun shine again,

Upon this town so small.

Abandoned.  Not part of it.

Only sights to recall,

Of a life which she’s unfit,

Left in solemn withdrawal.

K. Aldaya, 9/29/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://s1.favim.com/orig/22/girl-sad-window-Favim.com-212680.jpg

30. The Jungle of Forever

dark forest spot

Here I am amidst this vast, dense jungle. How did I get here whence I came?

Green trees they reach high toward the sky, with each moment seeming larger.

The air is heavy with misty droplets that settle inside and weigh the heart down.

To the right: Fog and darkness

To the left: Black and gray

Underfoot is fresh green grass that’s life fades as you make your way out,

‘Til no grass is left; only blackened soil. “How do I leave this place”, I yell,

“And how did I get here”? My voice echoes and echoes ’til it can be heard no more.

“Please, help me. Please don’t leave me here”, I cry!

But all my voice does is slowly fade and then die.

I’m too scared to move or make another sound knowing not what the darkness holds,

So here I am still in this immense black jungle, not knowing why or how;

Not knowing how to escape from this prison.

This prison that holds me.

That holds me with it’s depths of misery and sadness.

Holds me down to that spot, in the vast jungle,

In that dark place where none can escape once there.

Where none can ever, ever escape.

K. Aldaya, 10/20/02

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://f.nanafiles.co.il/upload/Xternal/IsraBlog/37/91/82/829137/misc/26914710.jpg