438. Doppelganger

I didn’t recognize you. I didn’t want to know,

The secrets and the truths held,

Deep within your eyes…and although,

I see you near to me. I’m afraid to glance your way.

For how can one save the lost;

Trapped in a time far away?

I can not speak of the horror; Only of the screams.

I hear them slip through your lips,

And besiege me in my dreams.

I’m sorry I left you there; In that place, all alone…

Where the clock’s forever stuck,

At quarter-past “never-known”.

–I stand atop a dark stairway. I see you below,

And as your eyes look my way,

I spy a looming shadow;

And as the shadow passes o’er, our eyes, they fin’lly meet.

I know I can not save you,

So once again I retreat.–

I didn’t recognize, ’cause I didn’t want to know,

That the girl in the mirror,

Had the same bleak eyes which show…

The anguish of a child betrayed. A child left behind…

Deserted and forsaken,

In the corners of my mind.

K. Aldaya, 4/27/18

Picture: Vintage image used in the book “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children” by Ransom Riggs; https://www.pinterest.com/pin/330522060122327068/

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437. While You Sleep I Lie Alone

While you sleep I lie alone,

And cry, curled up, in my old home.

In the corner, where I lie,

I cry, and cry, and cry, and cry;

Yet never does the house fill up,…

The tears, they always dry right up,

And leave me all alone.

While you sleep I lie alone,

And drift away to my old home,

Where even tears wave me goodbye;

As swiftly as they drop…they dry,

As if they never fell at all.

Time ticks and forgets it all.

Nothing left, just dust and bone,

And memories left all alone…

On the floor.

K. Aldaya, 4/25/18

436. “We”

We work in the shadows with an air of civility,

Dropping the pants of a world undisclosed;

Where eyes vilify the skirted and clothed,

For breeding the sins of the overexposed.

We move softly in the shadows eclipsed by “the unsaid”.

With the weight of morality on our backs.

We amend with checks and our very souls,

As we drift namelessly, and fall through the cracks.

We’re the shame and mortification of being alive.

Our breasts, and sex, are man’s nature denied.

Shunned from the sun and logical discourse;

The raw…the real…the gospel lost inside…

Mirrors heedless of reflection.

K. Aldaya, 4/13/18

Picture: http://www.harbus.org/2018/what-women-want/

434. Creation

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Place your feet and ripple out into the universe,

Crafting new waves through space which disperse…

Reverberations of existence, and worlds beyond,

The span of human thought and vision.

Utter in mere mortal words…in your tongues, resonate;

Through the endless ocean which time creates.

Drift distantly…afar from transient flesh and bone.

Pervade and imprint thoughts into life.

K. Aldaya, 4/8/18

Picture: http://www.freehdimages.in/wallpaper/desktop-real-images-of-the-planet-saturn-download/

433. I Walk Away from Yesterday

trees-1030853_1920-300x294

I walk away from yesterday,

With hope upon my back;

It weighs me down as I make my way,

Toward a future, and there is no turning back.

What if I can not take the weight,

Of what will and won’t be.

Will the journey be worth the fate,

That the choices made, will cultivate for me?

I know not where this path will lead,

Nor how to grasp each day.

All I know is it’s best to concede,

Then stand in place, never moving either way.

I walk away from yesterday,

With hope upon my back;

It weighs me down as I make my way,

Toward a future, and there is no turning back.

K. Aldaya, 4/6/18

Picture: https://pxhere.com/en/photo/676096

 

432. Middle Earth

“I’m neither hope nor misery”, he looked at me and said.

“I’m a human, so why do you look for Gods instead?”

“I could tell you of hope beyond which words describe,

Or tell you of the misery which bloody tears inscribe.”

“I’m neither good, nor am I bad”, he looked at me and said.

“I’m but a human being made of both a heart and head.”

“So why place me up high or low, in heav’n or hell?”

“For as far as I can tell from here, Earth fits us quite well.”

K. Aldaya, 3/30/18

Picture: By trottin-the-globe.tumblr.com; http://twistedsifter.com/2013/03/atop-lions-head-cape-town-south-africa/

431. I Am an Illusion

I am an illusion.

What’s seen is not real.

I’m simply a construct,

Of what you think and feel.

I am an illusion,

Of hope and consequence,

Blowing through the universe;

In the absence.

I am an illusion,

Which wishes to be more;

Ever searching for substance,

Where it’s ne’er been found before.

I am an illusion.

Blink and then move on.

I was never really here at all.

Like time, I’m both here…and gone.

K. Aldaya, 3/29/18

Picture: By Norvz Austria; https://xetobyte.deviantart.com/

430. The New and Strange

At first the world didn’t see me,

Then when it finally did.

It shuttered up it’s eyes…

“Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.”

At first I had no voice at all,

Then when I did, and spoke,

Every ear was covered…

“Sing, bird. Sing, bird.”

At first I thought the world might change,

Then one day I realized.

Change lies in wait within…

“How strange! How strange!”.

K. Aldaya, 3/28/18

429. Voiceless

I went out to sea to find,

What lurks in the abyss.

Yet, what we seek we often find;

Ah, ignorance is bliss!

In the deep there was a form,

Within an inky cloud.

It’s tentacles: long and uniform,

Pulled me into it’s shroud.

I turned and saw two black eyes,

Darker than the darkness,

And set my jaw to utter cries,

Unheard. Unfelt. Useless.

In the cold and icy deep,

Where words distort and fail,

My voice returned unto it’s keep,

And my soul began to wail:

“Rest in peace! Rest in peace!”.

K. Aldaya, 3/22/18

Picture: https://www.fatosdesconhecidos.com.br/7-coisas-que-sonambulos-fazem-e-podem-arriscar-vidas/

428. H(a)unted

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It stalks me in the night;

Pounds on the doors of my mind,

And causes endless fright,…

In passing.

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It preys upon my fear,

With arrows ready for the kill;

And I, just another de(e)ar,…

Am game.

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It follows in my wake;

Relentlessly, after my life,

For the past we can’t forsake,…

Or change.

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It’s traps are placed and ready,

To spring when least expected.

The path’s long, and feet unsteady,…

As I step onward,….ever onward,…

To live.

K. Aldaya, 2/27/18

Picture: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-16391017-stock-footage-romantic-woman-in-forest.html?src=rel/23381599:1/gg

426. No One

When I needed a hand, no one was around.

When I bled out my pain, no one ever cared.

When I needed an ear, no one ever listened.

When I cried myself to sleep, no one was awake.

When I needed a hug, no one ever held me.

When I was alone and scared, no one ever came.

Yes, I’ve always been needy…

And “No One” is my name.

K. Aldaya, 1/31/18

425. Waiting

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I…I see you there.

Why can’t you see me?

I place my hand upon the glass;

Yet, your hand never reaches out to me…

Nor sees beyond reflection.

I…I see you there.

Far away, though still,

I wonder what it’s like to live,

On the other side of this windowsill.

My hand presses ‘gainst the glass…

…Waiting…………..

………Waiting………………….

K. Aldaya, 1/30/18

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://wisgoon.com/pin/17546199/#submit_comment

424. Human

No, I’m not a generic “white person”,

And no one should ever be.

We’re all our own people,

So stop stereotyping me.

I’m not a “white person” at all.

I am simply a human being,

And until all understand this,

Racism will always be a thing.

Who cares what you look like.

What are you like inside?

What kind of a soul do you have,

Within this skin we all reside?

All ethnicities…shapes…colors…

We are all the same.

So why can’t we love one another?

Sometimes sight is such a shame!

If we saw no colors…

Then there’d only be a name: Human.

K. Aldaya, 1/26/18

423. Hollow

dark-1852985_960_720

The floorboards creak…

Titter-totter. Titter-totter.

This place is home,

So what’s the matter?

What’s the matter?

Doors move and squeak…

Shriek-shriek. Shriek-shriek.

This place is home,

So why sneak?

Creak-Creak.

The windows jolt.

Rattle-clatter. Rattle-clatter.

This place is home,

So where’s the chatter?

What’s the matter?

The stairs settle…

Whisper-whisper. Whisper-whisper.

No one is home,

But they were…

They were……………

K. Aldaya, 1/25/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/dark-door-door-handle-light-1852985/

421. Misunderstood

You’ll never understand. I know.

It’s just the way it is.

You’ll never understand how I feel,

And I’m glad. It is what it is.

You’ll never understand why I,

Am the way I am.

You’ll always see me as less than you;

And it’s okay. I am what I am.

You’ll never understand, yet still,

I wish you’d at least try;

Though I don’t blame you for not wanting to,

Life is short and too soon we die.

You’ll never understand, my dear,

How much I wish to be…

Free from the blueprints of memory.

Wave goodbye. What will be, will be.

K. Aldaya, 1/4/18

420. Mirror

Fingers pressed,

Firm and still,

Awaiting motion,…

From the brain wand’ring at will,

Beyond all tactile notion.

Eyes adrift,

Scan and see,

Sights too far from word;

Through glass they hide from mem’ry,

In corners undiscovered.

Tiptoeing.

Wandering.

Matter falls away.

In the mirror unblinking,

She silently floats away.

K. Aldaya, 12/7/17

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://wallpaperscraft.com/download/girl_mirror_reflection_opinion_87457/1920×1080#

419. What Do You Call It?

What do you call it when someone’s judged by their skin?

When they’re told, “You’re a certain way and don’t fit in”.

What do you call it when they’re picked on for their shade?

When they’re told they are wrong, just for how they were made?

What do you call it when they’re blamed for who they are?

“Your skin is the reason why you deserve a scar”.

What do you call it when they’re told: “Change your color!”.

Told: “It isn’t right” or “You should have another”?

I’ll tell you what it is called…It’s called racism, right?

Though I wonder what you’d say if I told you they were “white”.

K. Aldaya, 11/29/17

418. Mortal Paths

Another night ‘lone I lie,

And drift the vast path of thought.

Oh, how many years wasted?

Wandering endlessly…

Though, always onward led?

Led unto my own demise;

A maze of my own making.

What a waste of life…of time:

So precious…so finite…

Squandered in verse and rhyme.

I am nothing. Never was.

Mortality haunts my brain.

For I know not where to start,

Nor how to find the worth,

In the pleadings of heart.

Will anyone remember?

Or will everyone forget?

This mortal realm where I walked,…

On paths without ending;

Where all alone I talked…

To you.

“Hello”………………………………………………………….”Goodbye”.

K. Aldaya, 11/24/17

Picture: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-9726293-stock-footage-handwriting-a-letter-by-candle-light.html

417. I Dare You!

lisbethalarmgif

I dare you to try and placate my rage.

I dare you: Try and put me in a cage.

I dare you to try and fight ‘gainst your fate.

I dare you: Repent, before it’s too late.

I dare you to perceive how ‘real’ pain feels;

Pain without pleasure, assuage, or appeals.

I dare you to try and tread on my back.

I dare you. Step forward, coward. Attack!

You are a coward. A killer. A cad.

You want a victim? Well, that is too bad.

I dare you to try and silence my voice.

There’s only one option. Only one choice.

I dare you to laugh aloud at my pain.

I dare you to cut…Leave another stain.

For as long as I have an ounce of life,

You better watch your back, ’cause I have your knife!

K. Aldaya, 11/17/17

Picture: Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander in “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo“; http://www.curiouswriter.com/lisbeth-salander-is-back/

415. Don’t Forget

romantic-couple-wallpaper-290 (1)

Don’t forget to love,

And don’t forget to feel;

For life moves on forever,

Yet only love is real.

Don’t forget the faces,

And don’t forget that hope,

Lingers in the air,

Beyond each life’s scope.

Don’t forget to touch,

And don’t forget to see,

That the only thing of consequence,

Is the heart’s melody.

K. Aldaya, 10/26/17

Picture: http://www.iwallpaper.org/romantic-couple-wallpapers-290

413. Tempus Edax Rerum

tumblr_m08aubmthW1r3a6jho1_500

Time devours all things,

And life leads but to death,

Yet in your arms a lifetime’s…

Inhaled, in one breath.

Time devours all things,

And we are but one course,

Yet in one kiss, the soul…

Returns to it’s true source.

Time devours all things;

It’s flow is definite.

Ticking on forever…

So we make use of it.

Here.

Now.

Our love is infinite.

K. Aldaya, 8/30/17

Picture: Original Artist Unknown; http://weheartit.com/entry/24111142; http://littlepawz.tumblr.com/post/18572611002/love-is-the-enchanted-dawn-of-every-heart

412. In the Horizon

Pacific_Sunset_Pismo_Beach_California

Tangerine-seas quench my day-parched soul,

With the hope that maybe tomorrow,

Will find it new and whole.

As the sun descends and light fades out,

I inhale deeply of it’s sweetness,

And expunge any doubt.

For the night is coming…time to sleep,

And dream of new, better tomorrows,

Yet, first I’ll drink and weep,

For the yesterday which burns away…

In the horizon.

K. Aldaya, 8/25/17

Picture: http://wallpaperweb.org/wallpaper/nature/pacific-sunset-pismo-beach-california_40871.htm

 

411. We Take it With Us

Under a cold and somber spell,

We stand two worlds apart;

Yet though the world’s taken my life,

It will never take my heart!

The heart which loved and cared for you.

A heart which felt love’s sting;

Which beat the bitter tides of fate…

Back, for awhile to sing.

We can not go back now,

For life ever moves on;

And we must move on with it.

Cling tightly.  Hold on…

To hope and future happiness.

In times of change, to feel,

No matter how hurt we are:

Even broken hearts may heal…

Knowing that love goes on.

—-We take it with us.

K. Aldaya, 8/10/17

410. Love Endures

I have never been of noble birth,

Nor lived a wealthy life.

Yet you filled my days with love and mirth,

And though we had our share of strife;

You gave your everything.

Though I was not born into love,

Or cherished as some jewel.

You taught me I was worthy of love,

And though I’ve always been a fool;

You loved me regardless.

And no matter what the days may bring,

We will remember still,

The life we shared together, and sing,

Our odes of love and hope which will,…

Sound, long after our time.

K. Aldaya, 7/27/17

Picture: https://thewondrous.com/cute-couple-pictures/

409. Here

Forget about the girl who said what no one wished to hear.

Go on. Pretend she never existed;

Yet someday…in some distant year,

When you least expect it,

You may hear,

A voice ring out and speak to you.

You may find the voice persisted.

‘Neath the echoes of cars and trains moving through time you hear;

Below the beeps, clangs, bangs, and caterwauls…

Her voice. Onward you pace and veer,

Through the streets she stalks you;

Drifting near.

Walking in the steps, behind you.

Listen, in silence a voice calls…

“I was here…

………….I was here.”

K. Aldaya, 7/25/17

Picture: http://www.guibingzhuche.com/WDF-1038603.html

408. Where is Hope?

Hope-May Spring went outside to sing,

And play among the flowers.

Her days were spent frolicking,

And dancing ‘way the hours,

In the sun.

One day she walked upon the stage,

To sing her song aloud.

She stepped bravely across the stage,

And sang out strong and proud:

Joyously.

Applause rang out through the room,

And Hope-May was o’erjoyed,

To have touched hearts within that room,

Her smile could not avoid…

Joining in.

Joy can’t last forever though,

And no story is so kind,

For as soon as it was time to go,

Her mother voiced her mind:

“Not the worst”.

Strangers praised her performance,

Yet her mother looked on sternly.

Her songs could never seem to dance,

Their way in mother’s heart to free…

Approval.

Through the years she heard no praise;

Nor laud. Nor compliment.

And soon she felt her mother’s gaze,

Was always there and sent…

Shivers down.

Ah, that voice was always there.

Always echoing: “Never enough!”,

Until the joy she used to share,

Sang out soft and gruff;

And empty.

Her joy, her mother ate it all;

Served with criticism and jeers.

Hope-May ate the meals all,

And swallowed down her tears…

In silence.

Hope-May Spring used to sing.

It’s said she sang quite well;

Though now she does not like to sing,

Nor does she ever tell…

Of her heart.

Though sometimes she dreams secretly,

Of those days so long ago,

When her heart was given joyously,

And hope could freely flow;

From her veins.

Hope-May Spring will sometimes sing,

And smile vacantly;

Though if you listen to her sing,

You’ll hear a sad and desperate plea:

“Where is Hope?”.

K. Aldaya, 7/13/17

407. Naught but Vain

If I used logic. I would still be called a fool;

For logic will not purge the minds of resolute belief.

You’ll always think me: “fool”.

If I used emotion to try and reach your heart,

You’d only dismiss it as ‘irrational sentiment’,

And spurn my bleeding heart.

If I told the truth. If I told you what I know.

You’d remind me that truth is unreliable when it,…

Occurred so long ago.

If I swore on my life, that I know and speak the truth.

You’d still deny my pleading words. No matter what I said,

You’d still require proof.

If I stepped off a cliff and waved to you goodbye,

Would you finally listen to what you refuse to hear?

To be heard, must we die?

If I apologized for my life and my soul,

Would you continue to blame me until the utter end,

And still forsake my soul?

If you don’t yet know this, then let me please explain.

Invalidation kills the soul and digs an early grave,

And there the stone reads bitterly:

“This life was naught but vain”.

K. Aldaya, 7/12/17

406. The World, It Wants Me Dead

giphykrst

The world is talking to me.

I hear it speaking loudly.

It’s voice echoes internally,

Of it’s hatred: Just for me,

Since my birth.

The Earth is speaking to me,

“No one cares about thee!”

“Thy birth, it was a tragedy,

Which only death could remedy;

In the fall.”

When the whole world wants you dead,

It hardly seems good manners to be hard in head;

And fight the fate which lies ahead.

The path will, and has always lead,

To the fall.

The world, it wants me dead!

—And yet,…I’ve never liked being told what to do.

K. Aldaya, 7/10/17

Gif: Kristen Stewart in Welcome to the Rileys; https://giphy.com/gifs/kristen-stewart-college-obama-NITJtjaJQJJS

405. Renegade

Run away.

Run away. Be free.

To them you’re only a body.

Run away.

Run away, and be,

Whoever you may wish to be.

Run away.

Run away. Be whole.

Agenda’s will steal ‘way your soul.

Run away.

Run away in fright,

From those who align wrong with right.

Run away.

Run away, my friend,

Or they will use you ’til the end.

Run away.

Run away and fly,

For they will not care if you die.

Run away.

Run away…today.

They will try and convince you to stay,

Yet run away,…

Run away, anyway.

You’re more then the politics of the day!

K. Aldaya, 7/5/17

Picture: https://lockerdome.com/6895118150158401/7721626657624084

403. Doublethink

You taught me your doublethink,

Now I can’t escape the effects.

When ill I tell myself I’m fine,

When fine, sickness still infects.

I’m always here on the brink.

You taught me my words don’t count.

When sad to be happy.

When happy, never be too glad.

Survival’s all you can see.

Words and feelings never count.

You taught me your distortion.

Truth’s whatever served you the best;

And the truth is you lied to me,

For you, it was always best.

You flourished in extortion.

You taught me your doublethink,

Now your words, they hold no meaning.

When I’m angry I’m also calm;

Yet when calm,…anger’s seething!

I don’t think, I think…I think??

Sad is bad, and bad is sad.

And glad is mad, and mad is glad.

For 1 is 2 and 2 is 1.

You’re insane, so smile, be sad!

Doublethink has made you glad!

K. Aldaya, 6/28/17

401. No One Likes an Ending

No one likes an ending.

No one likes to cry.

No one likes to hold the hand,

Of someone who will die.

No one likes an ending.

Endings are always sad.

No one likes to think about,

The time that one soul had.

No one likes an ending.

The unsurety. The change.

No one likes to say goodbye,

And face the new and strange.

No one likes an ending.

No one likes to cry.

No one likes to think about,

How all things must one day die…

–To make way for future birth.

Everyone likes beginnings.

Beginnings are always glad.

Everyone likes to laugh and love,

So please do not be sad.

No one likes an ending,

But endings clear the way,

For new things to bear,

The hopes of each yesterday…

–Ever onward, toward the future.

K. Aldaya, 6/24/17

Picture: http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/family-matters/teaching-grandfather-to-hug

400. Brother Dear, Don’t Leave Me Here

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Brother dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in this closet.

Sister dear, I fear…I fear,

The harms which men commit.

Sister dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in this room.

Brother dear, I fear…I fear,

This life will be my tomb.

Brother dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in my mind.

Sister dear, I fear…I fear,

I’ll one day lose my mind.

Sister dear, don’t leave me here,

It’s lonely without you.

Brother dear, I fear…I fear,

The past we can’t undo.

K. Aldaya, 6/22/17

Song Link

Picture: From Pinterest; http://weheartit.com/entry/27044263

399. Safe Harbor

Lips are moving…moving fast,

Yet I can not hear a word.

People walking…walking past,

Just outside of myself.

Wake me up…up to you;

To the world in which you dwell.

So far away…far away.

I stumbled back and fell.

I hit my face…my face hard,

To try and make it to you.

The skin: my cage…cage and guard,

Locks me in here again.

Now I see…see distantly,

The place called: reality.

People live there…there alive,

While I live inside me.

What have you said…said to me?

I do not understand you.

A million miles…miles from me.

You soon grow frustrated.

I do not blame…blame your words…

Of anger for no reply.

Yet if I spoke…spoke to you,

My words would just belie.

My bones they walk…walk and speak,

In a world beyond control.

My skin a shell…shell to peek…

Eyes outward, safe from harm.

Hands are moving…moving fast,

In belligerent retort.

How can I leave…leave here now?

Without harbor or port?

You push me out…out to sea,

Where I float just out of reach.

If only hands…hands held me…

Close, in understanding.

Please don’t push…push me away.

I just need some time and space.

When I feel…feel safe again,

I’ll hoist my sail and race,

Toward harbor…harbor and shore,

Where I’ll land upon life’s coast.

You may pull…pull me ashore,

Or push me out to sea.

Though if you care…care for me,

Then pull or leave me alone,

And I’ll make my way…way back,

When it’s safe, on my own.

K. Aldaya, 6/21/17

Picture: http://all-free-download.com/free-photos/download/small-yacht-at-sea_204659.html

398. I…I Don’t Want to Die

I…I don’t want to die.

“But you are broken, you say?

The only way to fix you,

Is for you to simply die,

And be reborn as someone new.”

I…I don’t want to die.

I know that I am broken,

And that’s all you can see;

Yet, why do I have to die,

For you to be able to love me?

I…I don’t want to die.

Do I really have no worth?

Am I something to be tossed,

And left all alone to die?

Am I truly one of the lost?

I…I don’t want to die.

I just want you to stay here;

To hold me close and tell me,

That I do not have to die,

For you to see me as worthy.

For you to be able to love me…

I…I don’t want to die.

K. Aldaya, 5/29/17

Picture: from Sherlock; http://pharlapcartoonist.tumblr.com/

397. Go to the Water

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Tears flowing forth.

Time runs it’s course,

In the flowing forth of words from mouths.

Nothing but a freak.

A child: lost and meek,

Cursed to bear the cost of others’ sorrows.

Fates can not be changed.

Experiences rearranged.

Once set into motion it continues.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

“Kill yourself today.

You’re in everybody’s way.

Why can’t you see your fate is sealed.

No one wants you here.

Curse’s won’t disappear.

Why must you fight the flowing of the water.”

The window is ajar,

And beyond is just a bar.

One step and then it will all be over.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Nobody will stop you.

You know what you must do.

Look down into the darkness of the water.

Their eyes are looking up.

Go on, they’ve had enough.

It will only hurt a little longer.

Legs break in the fall.

Nobody cares at all.

They watch you with the coldness of the water.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Crawl to the boat’s tip.

Take a little slip.

Fall down face first into shivering water.

Can not swim away.

Lungs fill up straight away.

Choke upon the apathy of strangers.

Bodies soon grow cold,

As souls release their hold,

And all that’s left’s another child forgotten.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

No one speaks the name.

Life goes on just the same,

As bodies drift away on the water.

Cruelty is a plague.

Apathy digs a grave,

Which buries all the outcast little children.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water…

…Go. Go. Go to the water…

…….Go. Go. Go to the water.

K. Aldaya, 5/21/17

Picture: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22892496-dust-to-dust

396. Fly Away Child

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I knew you were my everything,

Yet one day, that you would die.

I studied you in the distance;

A form of God on earth.

I worshipped without question,

The toiler of my birth.

I called out with no reply.

I saw you there unmoving.

I wondered why you were so still,

Neither loving nor disapproving.

Like a picture of a memory,

You were perfect in my eyes;

With a smile: warm and tender.

I was naive and unwise.

Then a feeling hit me like a rock,

And I ran as tears fell down.

I ran, and ran, and ran,

Through the wheat at dawn.

I came so close to you,

I swear I heard your heart,

And as you faded away,

I kept listening for your heart.

Yet, your heart, it left with you,

Along with my youth.

You left me unsure of my worth,

For to me, you were it’s proof.

I was only a child afraid,

Who wanted you to stay,

But my picture of you drifted,

On the winds of a new day.

You never ran to me, not once;

Nor cared to hear my heart.

If I ever needed a hug,

Or if I’d fallen apart.

I wish I’d known on that day long ago,

No matter how hard I ran,

I’d never have made it there in time,

For you to hold my hand.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

On the day I said goodbye,

To the picture I had of you,

And turned toward the sky.

It’s blue was as an ocean: pure,

I found hope in it’s peace,

That even those left all alone,

May find their love increase.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I wish I could have let her know,

That one day she’d be able to fly…

Into the loving arms of some distant, future sky.

K. Aldaya, 5/20/17

Picture: https://www.videezy.com/free-video/cornfield

395. All or Nothing

The me I would have been,

I can not recall.

I don’t know the me which existed,

Before life changed it all.

I don’t remember the good times,

When things weren’t dark and cold,

Or know what to tell my child self,

Whose body is growing old.

People say, “forget the past”,

But it makes us who we are,

And I can’t changed how it’s shaped me,

Just by wishing on a star.

I have all these broken parts,

Who are still stuck in one place,

While time moves on around them,

Yet they never age in pace.

They live just as ghosts,

Haunting their old home;

They’re separated, in one place,

Surrounded and yet alone.

I don’t know how to exorcise;

To banish parts of me.

If I ever did know how though,

Which one of them would I be?

The me I would have been,

I can not recall.

The me I was, is shattered,

I’m no longer one…I am all…

…or nothing.

K. Aldaya, 5/18/17

394. My Greatest Sin

I wish that I had been born,

With just the right type of skin.

I wish I knew how to make it work,

When I just don’t fit in.

I try so hard to look like them,

And duplicate their ways;

Yet no matter how hard I try,

I feel so unseen in their gaze.

I wish I had a way to make,

Things work out in the end.

To make my form a better fit,

And no longer have to pretend;

But I fear my fate is as set,

As the very skin I reside.

Born too thin to weather on,

Or remain long by your side.

I blame myself for everything.

For being born unfit.

For being a burden to everyone,

And being too selfish to quit.

For wanting what I know is wrong;

Wanting what can not be.

I know I am a fool to wish,

For what will never be.

I’ve always wanted to be the one,

Who helps you live your dreams.

I hope one day you’ll forgive me,

When my skin rips at the seams.

Thank you for holding me so close.

For loving me anyway,

And maybe if I pray enough,

I can come back to you someday…

In another life. Another time.

Born the same as you,

With thicker skin and thicker blood,

And we’ll live our dreams, me and you.

I wish I had been born,

With the same type of skin.

I wish I knew how to live for you,

When I just don’t fit in.

In a life where I’m your burden,

And you’re my greatest sin.

K. Aldaya, 5/15/17

Picture: Posted by Southern Sweetie on Bloglovin.com; https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/southern-sweetie-4084552/photo-1609929381

390. Heaven

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Let us meet upon the spectral plains of Elysium,

Where all are equal in the eyes of the sun,

As we rest our heads to dream forever,

Of what could never be on Earth;

And of ties which could not sever,

Us, from our birth.

Rest your head upon my shoulder and dream of yesterdays,

As the labors of blood and flesh fade away.

Here you’re my brother, my sister, my kin.

Our fates are eternally bound.

Beyond prejudice, fear, and sin,

Heaven is found.

K. Aldaya, 3/22/17

Picture: Uploaded by Kipketera on 7-themes.com; http://7-themes.com/6998738-fantasy-grass-field.html

389. The Web

Each word read,

A simple thought,

Yet when one meets another;

A web forms of connected thoughts,

And abstract intricacies.

The web spreads,

To snatch and learn;

To glean each captured phrase.

Read, listen; Ever more yearn,

For universal truth.

Each architect,

Grasps and weaves,

As the scope ever increases.

The more learned, the more one grieves,

The endlessness of thought.

The web purveys,

And never ends;

As learning leads to wisdom;

And learning never ends,

So humans become victims.

Frantically.

Passionately.

Brains weave and contemplate,

Truths too vast in scope to be,

Contained in human bone.

Each word read,

A simple thought,

Yet when one joins another.

A web forms of connected thoughts,

And “Insanity’s” it’s name.

K. Aldaya, 3/15/17

Picture: Tomás Saraceno, Galaxy Forming along Filaments, like Droplets along the Strands of a Spider’s Web, at the Venice Biennial, 2009; http://theredlist.com/wiki-2-351-382-1160-1166-view-argentina-profile-saraceno-tomas.html

388. Broken Vessel

I had no right to refuse you,

For I had no rights at all.

You locked me within your eyes,

And from then on I was all…

You could see.

You gazed at me with doting eyes,

While you bled your victims dry.

You didn’t plan to kill me too,

And I didn’t want to die…

Just like them.

You stared into my eyes so deep.

You invaded my brain.

I became your loving home,

And you drove me insane…

With your thoughts.

Pleasure and pain you intermix.

As you love, so do you cry.

You drown me in your tears and rage,

While I lie still and try…

To go home.

Yet there’s no home to go back to,

Nor any door you cannot access.

You and I, we share this home,

And trying to escape: a hopeless…

Endeavor.

You walk these halls eternally,

And you, my fate, have judged.

The walls are made of bitter tears,

And each bloody lash is smudged…

Into bars.

I have no right to hate you,

For I have no rights at all.

You stole far down into my soul,

And from then on you were all…

That I am.

The criminal and the victim.

The loved and the lost.

The guilty and the innocent.

The vessel which you tossed…

To the side…

…broken.

K. Aldaya, 3/10/17

387. Lullaby of the Lost

Where do the dead go and who can follow?

Will you go to where they lie?

Will you search the darkest hollow,

To find the truth before we die?

Where do the lost go and who will find them?

Does anyone care they’re gone?

Who will pull-out each thorny rose stem,

Upon their heads when they are gone?

Where do our thoughts go and who will remember,

The sufferings of this mortal coil?

The fires of life shed each ember,

Of we who soon become it’s soil.

Where do the cursed go and who will love them,

When they’ve become all we fear?

Who will care to find and hold them?

Who will mourn or shed a tear?

Where do the dead go and who can follow?

Will you go to where they lie?

Will you search the darkest hollow,

To save the lost before they die?

K. Aldaya, 3/1/17

Song Link

Picture: by: Branimir Jaredic; http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/1-branimir-jaredic.html?tab=artwork; http://www.magazineim.com/home/index.php/collaborators/branimir-jaredic/#7

386. Sandstorm

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Sands drift around…

Up in the air,

Then back to the ground.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

The wind is your friend…

Pushing you on,

But when does it end?

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Sand’s in my lungs.

It’s hard to breathe,

And you’ve just begun.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Grains full of rage.

Can we start over?

Write a new page?

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

I’ll suffocate!

Hours have passed,

And it’s getting late.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Words propagate.

We can’t start over;

It is too late.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Reach to the door…

Slam it behind you;

That’s what they’re for.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Left in your dust.

Please don’t come back,

I’m starting to rust.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Leave me alone.

My skin is cracking.

I’m turning to bone.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Dusts float your way.

I’m lost in your words.

I’m fading away.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

You move away.

Yet now I am dust.

And dust drifts away.

K. Aldaya, 2/22/17

Picture: “Sandhouse Sienna Room” by Cary Wolinsky; http://www.carywolinskyphotographs.com/sandhouse-series#/sandhouse-blue-1-2-1/; https://limeduck.com/feast-for-the-eyes/

385. Forsaken Lullaby

The shadows take our dreams away,

And nightmares have come to stay.

If I die before I wake,

Tell God, my soul, to not forsake.

Will you come and find me here,

He’s coming fast. He’s coming near.

Tell him not to steal my skin,

Leaving only bones to live within.

Find me now and chase away,

The nightmares which have come to stay.

If you leave before I wake.

I know, my soul, God will forsake.

K. Aldaya, 2/18/17

Song Link

382. Insomniac

795750-bokeh-books-empty-lights-man-made-night-notebook-pages-wind

11pm, it’s late again.

Time to close your eyes.

No moon in sight to make it light,

Darkness descends and lies.

12am, two hours past ten.

Another day is gone.

You stare at nothing, yet everything,

While deciding which side to rest on.

1am, the hour when…

Your thoughts decide to party:

Dance and drink, and overthink…

Rage and disagree.

2am, you grab a pen,

To silence the noise inside;

Write it out, reread, and doubt…

Which words you should confide.

3am, you drop the pen,

Too tired to think clearly.

There are no words that aren’t cowards,

And cowardice costs dearly.

4am, near dawn again.

The world will soon awake,

And you will stare, lost in despair,

Of the sun you will forsake.

5am, You lie and then…

Fall down deeply into sleep.

Finally at rest, yes, you sleep best,

After you ponder and weep.

K. Aldaya, 1/16/17

Picture:  https://www.walldevil.com/13623-bokeh-books-empty-lights-manmade-night-notebook-pages-wind.html

378. Instant Regret

hands

I really want to trust you.

To let you in…I do.

More than anything I wish I could,

Have the faith you do.

My heart, it is in pieces,

And aches of a bitter kiss.

Yet, I’ve grown so used to the pain…

Sometimes I hardly notice;

Until someone arrives,

With their expectations,

They trust me not for I can’t do the same,

And are angered by my complications.

Trust is earned with time and care,

Both of which you will not give.

Then tell me why should I just trust you,

When you instantly regret what you give?

K. Aldaya, 12/20/16

Picture:  Original Source Unknown; http://now-here-this.timeout.com/2012/07/16/35-reasons-rain-is-better-than-sunshine/

377. Yin and Yang

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I know you think I’m weak,

And those who “feel” are pitiful.

So I’ve often felt like a freak,

For simply being me.

Yet as I’ve grown older,

I’ve become much more aware,

That those whose hearts are colder,

Are much more pitiful.

A life lived on the path.

‘Tween pure bliss and despair,

May be a smoother path;

Though leads the soul nowhere.

Souls grow in sagacity,

Through the beauty and the pain.

Grow stronger on a rougher sea,

Or steep and winding road.

With ups and downs we learn,

What’s truly of worth.

With every dip and turn,

We learn to persevere.

Depth is seen as weakness,

And shallowness as divine.

Society praises emptiness…

As close to godliness.

Those who disagree: “Insane.”

“Their emotions are showing!”

“A symptom of a faulty brain,

Wandering on dangerous paths.”

I don’t care anymore what’s said,

I’d rather struggle and fight,

Ever braver in what lies ahead,

Then to fear being “too much”.

My soul is not a coward,

And my heart and mind fight on.

I do not fear love or discord,

They are borne in equal measure.

K. Aldaya, 12/19/16

Picture: By Mario Wibisono; https://wall.alphacoders.com/unregistered.php?id=624 https://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=152076

376. Baby Piano

Reverberating cries of keys,

Fill me with their piercing refrain.

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Could I have saved you from your fate,

If I’d had a different name?

Your soul weeps out bitterly,

As my ears turn notes to tears;

So I rip away the wooden case,

And it’s flood echoes my fears.

K. Aldaya, 12/3/16

Picture: http://rebloggy.com/post/piano-memories-past-ghost-gothic-within-temptation-sharon-den-adel-alternative-m/58920725479

375. The Noose

Once set into motion life continues unimpeded.

The bond of prophecy self-fulfilled,

Becomes the noose of the defeated.

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You may struggle and the noose grow tighter: restricting breath…

Or calmly hold your hands to the line,

In-between desperation and death.

K. Aldaya, 11/26/16

Picture: Originally Posted on thedeadhasrisin.tumblr.com; http://giphy.com/gifs/sad-boy-depressed-wOKFDNYyjqfBK;

374. Drifting Ghosts

I stand still too afraid to move forward,

For each step taken cuts deep like a sword.

Everything is a mem’ry I’d rather forget;

And each day is yet another spent in regret.

I know I cannot save myself, so I beg for the hand…

Which chokes me into silence yet again.

Which chokes me into silence again.

34003-fall-leaves-gif

I stand and glance across the sun-parched grass,

Spying on the baffling winds as they pass…

A leaf toward my feet..oh, just like the one which flew..

Along the path I used to walk on, and I knew…

It was your lonesome and bitter ghost, haunting me again;

And your presence drags me back there again.

You always drag me back there again.

I stand and wonder, and ponder too long,

On why the winds carry my ghosts along:

Forever drifting about in search when I flee.

I hear their voices echo and cry out to me.

I stand here in front of you with a penetrating smile.

No one cares the ghosts were there all the while.

Ah, my ghosts have been there all the while.

K. Aldaya, 11/2/16

Picture: http://www.lovethispic.com/image/34003/fall-leaves-gif