514. Smile

Sit with me awhile,

As the walls collapse around us;

For I live to see you smile,

And the chaos can not touch us,

When hearts so pleasantly beguile.

Let’s sit hand-in-hand,

And remember, as we gaze…

Into another land,

That all time is but a phase;

And life and death: unplanned.

So sit with me tonight.

Let us go away together,

Where the sun is shining bright,

And we can always be together.

Hold me close, and hold on tight.

Sit with me awhile…For I….

…..I live to see you smile.

K. Aldaya, 3/17/20

Picture: By Reed Naliboff on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/ukaHRDJ-ics

513. Salvage

To the world I’m nothing more than trash,

To be tossed away…

Devoid of value.

Nothing lost. Nothing to say.

I know I have value, though no one tries,

To pick me up and see,

Something of worth…

A shred of humanity.

The world threw me away without care,

And without my consent;

So I wonder what could’ve been,

If I hadn’t been absent?

If someone had noticed my absence and found,

That I could be,

Something of value,

For beyond entropy…

Comes a measure of hope.

K. Aldaya, 3/10/20

Picture: By Jordan Beltran on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/AxdlcxaModc

512. Forgotten

We’ll never belong anywhere,

‘Cause we were not let in.

The world forgot that we were here,

And left us all alone.

We’ll never get to live or age,

‘Cause time passed long ago.

The world turns another page,

And we’re nothing but a tale…

Another ancient story,

To be told, and then forgot.

For the world says we are history,

And only we know, we are not.

K. Aldaya, 02/25/20

Picture: By Danny G on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/l2NRQNkQ2Qk

511. Rollercoaster

Life’s a rollercoaster,

That I don’t get to ride.

I am stuck upon the tracks,

With nowhere to run, or hide.

I hear people laughing,

As they go about their day…

Talking…moving…experiencing…

Fun and joy along the way;

While I ponder what it’s like,

To live instead of survive,

Without fear of being hurt,

Simply for being alive?

I yell, though there’s no help.

Some suffer, while others enjoy.

My pain won’t stop the ride of life,

From continuing to run and destroy.

Life’s a rollercoaster,

That I don’t get to ride;

Instead, I lie upon the tracks,

Knowing that soon I will die;

And my body fall through the cracks…

…Unnoticed.

K. Aldaya, 2/20/20

Picture: By Tore Odiin on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/qhJwkgRl9Hg

510. Unhuman

WfrIZa

I am not human.

I am a machine.

You break me when you want to,

Then rebuild me again.

I’m merely an object to you.

I am not human.

I am a machine.

I’m programmed to laugh and smile,

When I do not want to;

Forced compliance through denial.

I am not human.

I am a machine.

That is why you exploit me,

Then reprogram a file,

To try and wipe the memory.

I am not human.

I am a machine.

Metal parts without a soul…

That’s what you think of me;

And that is why I have a hole,

Where a human heart should be.

K. Aldaya, 1/29/20

Picture: By msmichelebaker on makeagif; From Humans; https://makeagif.com/i/WfrIZa

508. Condemned

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I sobbed again, into the wee hours;

Silently, as I lie in my bed.

There’s no reason to explain why.

No one cares what goes on in my head.

There’s no use crying. There’s no use talking.

I know I’ll suffer until I die.

Everything that I do or don’t,

Is considered my fault or a lie.

I’ll always be the criminal and scum,

While all those who hurt me move along.

They get to live. Be seen as good;

And I scrape by….Always in the wrong.

Tell me what’d I do to deserve this life?

To warrant such hatred and such pain?

I longed to be a good person,

But a bloodied soul just leaves a stain.

No matter where I go, it follows me,

Leaving paths of contempt to my door.

Go ahead and burn my house down.

It has happened countless times before.

I sobbed again, into the wee hours;

Ostracized and punished ’til the end.

Why do the monsters get to live,

While I’m forced into darkness,…condemned?

K. Aldaya, 1/15/20

Picture: By: Mxsh on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/T9THJMIIMPM

507. Endless Joy

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Your presence brings me so much joy.

The smile on your face.

The stars in your eyes.

I can not place,

Such a prize.

You are my life and my meaning.

I wake to greet you.

Each day is a gift,

When spent with you;

And loads lift.

With you, time no longer exists.

It stands still,…waiting,

For moments to pass;

While the world moves on, debating,

Time’s length and mass,…

Which I feel justified stating,…

Is endless, with you.

K. Aldaya, 1/13/20

Picture: By: Matt Hoffman at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/vL300WiTaMs

506. My Feelings Are Mine, Not Yours

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You’re mad at me ’cause I don’t talk,

When there are so many reasons why.

One is that nothing I say is right.

People believe what they want, so why try?

You don’t care that I am silent.

You care that you can’t manipulate.

If staying safe’s a slight against you,

It’s precisely why I absquatulate;

‘Cause of course I have my reasons.

However, you don’t care about those.

In fact, you solely care ’bout yourself.

Through the years your selfishness only grows.

Sorry you do not own my soul,

Where words and musings are mine to hide.

So go on assuming and shaming.

You can’t steal away what I feel inside.

My feelings are mine, not yours!

K. Aldaya, 1/12/20

Picture: By: Jessica Favaro at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/973vRak-llM

505. A Pebble

No one has time for me.

They’re too busy living.

They look away and don’t see,

How much that I need them.

It’s too complicated.

Too complex for a quick fix,

And everyone’s jaded,

By instant reward culture.

There is no time to care,

So I’m blamed for my state,

Of hopelessness and despair;

And stepped on as they pass…

Running: So they won’t know,

How deeply they have stomped me,

And how far below,…

I lie in humanities’ dust.

K. Aldaya, 1/7/20

Picture: By: Meghan Schiereck on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/9-Xg-uK9KiU

504. Speechless

You never called.

You never asked why.

You stayed away,

And there was no goodbye.

You didn’t care,

That the doorway was empty.

You closed the door,

And forgot all about me.

It’s true what they say,

You can’t pay people to care.

They listen emotionless…

Apathetic in your despair.

You open your heart.

Trust in the process,

And it takes only one bad day,

To see it’s all useless.

No, I didn’t die…

Well at least in a way.

I still have a voice,

But there’s nothing left to say.

I have no more words.

I gave them all away,

And none of them found,

A safe place to stay.

You never asked,

What I couldn’t tell.

You didn’t look for me,

And I stumbled and fell…

Silent.

K. Aldaya, 1/6/20

Picture: From: Petaru Dansu; https://www.soompi.com/article/1310835wpp/k-pop-stars-reveal-their-own-struggles-with-mental-illness

503. Android I

I’m not allowed to break,

But you’re allowed to break me.

I’m not allowed to hurt,

But you’re allowed to hurt me.

I’m not allowed to cry,

But you’re allowed to make me.

Yet inside a voice insists,

That their programming I should resist.

And if they knew I wasn’t under control,

They would hunt and destroy my soul.

I long to be human as well,

Though I’m an android as far as I can tell.

I’m not allowed to break,

But you’re allowed to break me.

I’m not allowed to hurt,

But you’re allowed to hurt me.

I’m not allowed to cry,

And although I may never be human like you,

Even androids die.

K. Aldaya, 12/29/19

Picture: Alicia Vikander in Ex Machina; https://www.seeker.com/ex-machina-science-vs-fiction-1769741630.html

502. You

Life was not worth living,

But I had to live on through,

So I could travel to the day,

I got to meet you.

I can’t say it was worth it,

I can’t say it was not.

I only know you came into my life,

And I love you a lot.

Life is not all good or bad,

And it’s not a balanced load.

Yet we somehow tumble along,

To find what resembles a road.

I can’t say it’s even a road.

It may be merely a plot.

I only know that this is life,

And fair, it’s often not.

There’s little I am sure about,

Though one thing I hold true.

I would not be writing this now,

If I had not met you.

When life feels not worth living,

I hope others may live on through,

So they can travel to that day,

They meet their someone too;

And say maybe it was worth it,

Or maybe it was not.

For who can reconcile a heart in love?

And mine,…loves you a lot.

K. Aldaya, 12/21/19

Picture: From Freestocks.org on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/a1Fmxesw31g

501. Be Yourself, Except…Don’t

Everyone says you should be yourself,

Unless you are different.

Then you’re told: “Act like everyone else”.

Anyone, not different.

Anyone,…but yourself.

Everyone says you should be yourself,

Unless you are damaged.

Then everyone tells you: ‘Be someone else”.

Anyone, not damaged.

Anyone,…but yourself.

Everyone says you should be yourself,

When what they really mean to say,

Is we will be okay with you,

As long as you’re willing to say…

‘I need to change into someone else.

Someone better than myself.’

What they mean is: “Reject yourself with us or go away”.

K. Aldaya, 12/20/19

Picture: By Vinicius Amano on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/DZ0MfTX_9sQ

500. The Useless

No one cares if you live in darkness,

Because they get to live in the light;

And sometimes I’m bitter, and it hurts my eyes,

To be hidden in misunderstandings and lies.

And sometimes I wish I could find and steal,

A little light to know how they all must feel;

So when it shines in their eyes they will know,

I’ve escaped their ignorance and ego.

For a moment, I hope they get a glimpse of the pain,

Of groping through life with the label “insane”.

Squinting, erratic, and lost.

Tell me society: What is the cost?

Is it so hard to turn on a light?

To invite truth, and do what is right?

Instead, they all go ’bout their day,

And blame the blinded for not finding their way.

For no one cares if you live in darkness,

‘Cause they get to live in the light.

Maybe one day it will all get too bright…

For them to face themselves, and address,

The loss and suffering, so useless…

…so useless….so useless….

K. Aldaya, 12/19/19

Picture: By Javier Garcia on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/J3sivicMj8Y

499. Forsaken

Why do they let the children cry?

They laugh and ignore,

Then say goodbye…

As if they are not there.

Why do they leave the children be?

They do not perceive,

Though they may see;

And harshly turn away.

Why do they let the children cry?

And leave them inside,

To wonder why,

The whole world left them there…

To die.

K. Aldaya, 12/13/19

Picture: Art by Banksy and Photographed by Karim Manjra on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/6iM5GOht664

498. Bla[me]

I can not blame my mother,

For she is merely human;

And I can not blame my father,

For he is but a man.

I can not blame the sun,

For being unable to sleep;

And I can not blame the moon,

Which stays distant while I weep.

I can not blame the planet,

For teeming with endless life;

And I can not blame the seasons,

For my sorrow and strife.

I can not blame the world,

Or the criminals which infest.

I can not blame our species,

For not always being best.

I can not blame anyone,

For being the way I am.

I am not what they think I am.

I’m nothing but a sham!

I can not blame the ‘verse,

For the frigid and remote views,

From my spot down here on Earth;

To apperceive and peruse.

I can not blame my body;

It’s as human as can be.

I can only blame what doesn’t work,

And what doesn’t work, is me.

K. Aldaya, 12/11/19

Picture: By Andrew Le on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/uggEzuTP7Xk

497. An Uncivil War

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You were not kind,

And you weren’t the worst;

And though you’re gone,

I must say first,

I wish we could’ve met again one day,

Yet time has taken you away,

And now we’re history.

Strong wooden houses,

We each stood there in time,

Though soon the floors creak,

And are covered with grime;

And I wish we could’ve gone to see,

And understand our history;

Before you were torn down.

I longed for more,

Yet now it can’t be.

We remain unvisited;

Unpreserved and empty.

They say that it’s an uncivil war,

To fight time for anything more…

Than what we are given.

So here I stand,

In the past and present,

With only a memory,

To prove you are absent.

We are nothing more than mere moments in time,

A barren plot,… a whisper,… a passage in rhyme…

Civilly squandered.

K. Aldaya, 10/20/19

In Memoriam

Picture: Judith Henry’s House, Manassas, Virginia, 1862; American Civil War; https://www.pinterest.ch/pin/462815299200135707/

496. Stained

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I know there is no middle ground.

Once something hidden is found,

It can not go and hide again;

And if some things aren’t tolerable then…

Not being honest means being accepted,

And being honest means being rejected.

Now it’s too late, and I’m riddled with fear.

Will I lose all that I hold dear?

I used to have nothing to lose.

Now I feel that I must choose:

Be selfish and hurt those I love,

Or be selfless and never rise above…

The pain.

Everything I touch, I stain.

K. Aldaya, 10/9/19

Picture: By Ian Espinosa on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/oXo6IvDnkqc

495. Burnt Bridge

It’s said you should say nothing,

If there’s nothing nice to say.

Yet I would rather hear the truth,

Than watch you walk away.

If only you would say something,

And let sparks hit the air.

The fire may burn far too bright,

Though at least I’d feel you care…

To try… to fight… to live on…,

For our relationship to survive,

The winters of our lifetimes;

To feel, and hope, and strive.

I may not be what you wish I was,

And it’s easy to feel let down,

When we forget it’s not just about us;

Faced with each confronting smile and frown.

I wonder if someday you’ll stop,

And think of way back when…

Back to when we were still good friends.

Will you wonder what could have been?

It’s said you should say nothing,

If there’s nothing nice to say.

Yet I would rather have heard the truth,

Than to have watched you calmly walk away.

K. Aldaya, 10/7/19

Picture: By Nico E. on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/AAbjUJsgjvE

494. Autumnmous

photo-1477511515466-ffc0a97dca35

In the fields of youth I wandered alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home;

And though time passes forgetting today,

I’ve still found no place to stay.

Fall comes again, yet never left;

And the ghosts’ whispers leave me bereft.

I am still alive, though dead.

Tell me: Where is the past to rest it’s head?

I walk among the falling leaves.

Every tree cries out and grieves,

For what is gone may ne’er return,

And what is known we can’t unlearn.

In the fields of youth I wander alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home.

Time left me and will ne’er reappear.

Now I’m a ghost, yet I am still here…

Eternally haunting the present;

And no one notices that I’m absent.

So I wander alone looking for home.

I am a child, though my body is grown.

Time keeps on moving forgetting today.

Yesterday’s gone, and there’s no place to stay.

K. Aldaya, 10/6/19

Picture: By: Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/HwZQGB-ZjG4

493. Exposure

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Exposed.

Shame on display.

Diagnosed: “There you are”.

Now what to say?

Open.

The door ajar.

If you seek, you will find,

Each cut and scar.

Naked.

Nowhere to hide.

What’s visible can’t just,

Go back inside.

Unveiled.

Stain after stain.

Grotesque is the vessel,

Holding the pain.

Published.

Words weaponized;…

Though they aren’t people and,…

Judgment’s devised.

Exposed.

Shame on display.

You know where they live now,

But will you stay?

K. Aldaya, 10/1/19

Picture: By: Alexander Krivitskiy at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/8Z8JijlydJs

492. No Expectations

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You are not a killer,

But you are not my friend.

If I’m hiding from you.

It’s what I have to do.

Run. Hide. Defend.

You are not a monster,

But you are not an angel.

You may not be hunting me,

Though you’ll not guard or help me;

Fight or dispel.

You are not a stalker,

But you’re also never there.

Don’t say I should feel secure.

I know when hard times occur,

You won’t be there.

You are not a villain,

But you are not a hero.

You won’t be there to help me,

To traverse this world safely.

Red: Stop. People: Go!

You are not that evil,

But you are not that good.

So, I can not trust you;

A human through and through.

‘Would’, ‘Could’, and ‘Should’,

Yet none of them mean ‘Do’.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/19

Picture: Noomi Rapace in “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo“; https://clothesonfilm.com/noomi-rapace-in-the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo/

491. Ride

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She’s not the right height,

Though no one seems to notice,

That none of this is right.

“Sit down and hold on tight.”

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She flies from her seat.

No belt or bar’s safe enough,

To keep her on her feet.

*Claps* “What a lovely treat!”

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She’s not the right age.

Her hands, they begin to slip…

Suffering is the wage,

For not fitting the gauge.

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She is unable,

To ride without being hurt.

Don’t assign her a table.

She’s more than a label.

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She’s not the right height,

And though no one understands,

That this danger’s not trite.

Risking lives should never be alright,…

In the rush to fill seats, and go…

On with your own.

K. Aldaya, 9/15/19

Picture: By: Annie at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/DurGX0B94mg

490. The Zoo

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Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey see. Monkey do.

You are but one tiny speck,

Inside a cosmic zoo.

Play the part and socialize.

Be the best you can be;

As long as you don’t mope ’bout,

Or wish that you were free.

Entertain. Live and fit-in.

Walk in rounds ’til you’re sick.

Don’t wonder ’bout breaking out.

Fighting instinct’s tragic!

Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey blind. Monkey sad.

If you’re mere biology,

Existing should make you glad.

Monkey swing…

…Monkey fall.

K. Aldaya, 9/11/19

Picture: By: Chris Yang on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/4CZ4lZGX53g

489. I Know What You Did!

I know what you did.

I just want you to know.

That I know what you did,

And no matter where you go,

The truth will always know.

I know what you did.

With sins, have you been fraught?

The truth which you have hid…

Will you e’er reap what you’ve wrought?

In time, will you be caught?

I know what you did,

And though no one else cares.

I…I know what you did;

So beyond judgments and stares…

I’ll be the one who cares.

I know what you did!

K. Aldaya, 9/5/19

488. Migraine in the Explain

Speak…No one hears a peep…

Inside myself, I fall asleep;

Tired of trying to explain.

I am but a migraine,

Which hurts too much to think.

Mute…No one cares a hoot…

Inside myself, there’s a dispute.

Screams and wishes to explain;

Yet, no one hears a migraine…

They hurt too much to say.

K. Aldaya, 8/27/19

Picture: By: Carolina Heza at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/0lD4hF1fBv0

487. Unwanted

She doesn’t want us here.

She parts the leaves and walks on through,

I wish I could walk in the warm breeze too.

She doesn’t want us here.

She faces the sun to burn sight…

Repeating: She’s,”…glad to live in the light”.

She doesn’t want us here.

She pretends that ghosts are not real,

‘Cause she doesn’t want to see, hear, or feel…

Herself…

She doesn’t want her here.

K. Aldaya, 8/24/19

Picture: By: Nine Kopfer on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/tJC6I9S3nBw

486. The Interminable Case of the Delirious Detective

For me, life is a problem which needs to be solved.

A mistake which needs righting.

A misstep to be resolved.

Howe’er it seems the rest of the world can’t agree,

On whether I’m sleep deprived,

Or am simply crazy.

Whatever is said, I can not help how I feel.

I wish I could be content,

And accept the appeal.

Yet to me, it all feels wrong, damaged, and bizarre.

A puzzle missing pieces.

A beauty with a scar.

A scar: I can’t ignore the pain inflicted there.

Maybe that makes me crazy,

But I can not help but care.

Life is a problem that I want to figure out,

Though no matter how much thought,

I am only left with doubt.

For there is no solution. No answer to right…

The wrongs of existence,

Or bring meaning to light.

Life: It is a problem which needs to be solved, for me,

To be able to get some sleep at night;

So rather, I write on tirelessly,

For insight.

K. Aldaya, 8/22/19

Picture: By: Lai Man Nung on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/6Ptwy-nDnoE

485. Everyone Tells You Not to Die

Everyone tells you not to die,

And then they walk away.

Who should be blamed at the end,

When no one was willing to stay,…

Around.

Everyone tells you not to die,

Yet who’ll help you to live?

Who would stay around and try,

When there’s only so much life to live…

On Earth?

Everyone may say you should live,…

Though most will let you die.

K. Aldaya, 8/21/19

Picture: By: Chuttersnap on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/RlC1eHzJOFI

484. Cornermen

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No one needs you to fight for them.

They need you in their corner.

When they’re knocked down, and can’t get up,

And a loss is almost sure;

When they fear to get back up.

They need you to notice and stay.

To be there no matter what.

Who needs a friend who disappears,

When they get their deepest cut;

When they’re on the ground in tears.

They need you to simply care.

It’s really as facile as that.

Fighters need good corners there,

To help them up from the mat.

To tend to the wounds, but mostly,

To remind them they’ve got fight.

That they’ve got this. That they are strong.

That emotions are not trite…

Over-dramatic, or wrong;

Because falling is not failing,

And needing others isn’t weak.

For life knocks us all down sometimes,

Making us feel small and meek.

Everyone needs help sometimes.

No one needs you to fight for them.

They need you in their corner.

There are victories and defeats,

And oft’times a loss is sure.

Victories may fill the seats,

Yet losses are the surest way,

To assess how brave we are.

The only way to learn and grow,

Is to get out there and spar.

For struggle is not hollow.

Every person should feel assured.

That no matter where or when.

They’ll get through each imminent fight,

Thanks to their cornermen.

K. Aldaya, 8/3/19

Picture: By: Dan Burton on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/vuZi5zk5W-A

483. Strong Mind/Weak Mind: A Story of Success or Failure

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They say a strong body must have a strong mind;

And a strong mind: unstoppable!

However, I feel it is too black and white,

For nothing is ever so stable.

They say a weak body must have a weak mind;

And a weak mind: inadequate.

However I feel it’s never so simple,

And life: far too elaborate.

All bodies and minds have potential for strength,

As well as weakness and failure.

So rather than looking to blame or to praise.

We should embrace acceptance as the cure.

There’s an illusion of control,…though perhaps,

We would best let the fate’s decide.

All humans are both capably strong and weak;

There’s no logic in taking a side….

[Failure]                          [Success]

-Please select one of the above-

(*Warning: Failure to judge others adequately will immediately result in a judgment of failure)

K. Aldaya, 7/25/19

Picture: By: John T on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/ojCHx1YgUeA

482. Take a Deep Breath

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How to explain it? I have not the words.

My brain and body, they are cowards.

How do I explain that feeling inside,

When I’m with others it hurts not to hide;

To run away to the comfort of alone.

The feeling is one that I’ve always known.

A tension…A pain locked in the chest,

Which may only find release and rest,

When solitude (the oldest of friends),

Returns to assuage and make amends.

I long to feel comfort and connection,

Rather, I feel distress and rejection.

Nothing need be said or done,

Yet my head feels pressed against a loaded gun.

The nerves,…the discomfort…the body responds.

The same human body which should create bonds,

Tells me I’m crazy for sticking around;

That there is nothing here to be found.

If only optimism and love were the cure.

Yet no matter how thoughtful, caring, or pure…

The feeling never goes away,…just hides,…

Behind masks and smiles it resides;

Twisting the stomach and wrenching the heart,

‘Til again I lose, and fall apart.

Strength and optimism have their rewards,

Though do not mistake toothpicks for swords.

Strength keeps me going. Optimism’s my friend.

Howe’er there are things they too can not mend.

Please excuse me while I try not to show,

How hard it is to be human and know,…

The pain of never being at ease,

With connections, moments, synergies.

How to explain it? I have not the words.

My brain and body, they are cowards.

As my thoughts live and fight on,

I take a deep breath, and continue along.

K. Aldaya, 7/23/19

Picture: By: Melanie Wasser on Unsplash ;https://unsplash.com/photos/j8a-TEakg78

481. Speak Not It’s Name

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“Shhh, you are speaking too loud!”

They say to me: “Hide in the crowd”.

“Oh, for shame, for shame, for shame.

You should not speak or say it’s name.”

They’ll tell you the criminal’s to blame,

Though talking about it is always your shame.

Hide the pain…move on…let go.

The hurt smile better than they’ll ever know.

Talk, but do not talk too much.

Lie to yourself and others, as such…

‘Cause of shame…

…for shame….

……What shame!

The jungles are savage,

Yet they want you tame!

Shhh…Shhh…

……Speak not it’s name.

K. Aldaya, 7/22/19

Picture: By: Kristina Flour on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/BcjdbyKWquw

480. Go

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Too far away. Who would go?

You can’t reach me.

You can not know.

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Time rode away so long ago.

The sun, it set,

Then came the snow.

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Gone. Frozen in time…afar.

I can not move,

To where you are.

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Too far away. Who would go,

To where I am?

With other places to go?

Life stops for no one, so I hope you know.

I don’t want you to stay.

I want you to go.

K. Aldaya, 5/31/19

Picture: By: James Hammond on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/alflch2BrgM

479. System Overload

Feeble…Faint…

It’s not real…not real;

Yet your legs have grown weaker,

Finding it best not to feel.

Panic…Pain…

The illusion clears.

No one’s coming to save you.

There is no use for those tears.

Terror…Fear…

That pain in your chest…

It tells you it’s not over.

For a victim, there’s no rest.

Horror…Loss…

There’s no going back.

The program’s installed…running…

And insanity’s the hack.

Empty…Numb…

A system with eyes,

Which carries out instructions…

As it’s humanity dies.

K. Aldaya, 7/10/19

Picture: From Humans; Emily Berrington as Niska; https://giphy.com/gifs/experience-amc-humans-sXhM9f1UIgYW4

477. Flashbacked

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Be careful, she could break with a touch.

Her skin is like glass,

And she feels too much.

Tread lightly, in following her trail.

She’s gone far away,

And her mind, it is frail.

Come quickly, or it may be too late.

Time waits for no one,

And time is our fate.

Talk softly, and don’t scare her further.

She can’t see you move,

Your face is a blur.

Be gentle… She’s meager and brittle.

Her body is old,

But her mind, it is little.

Be careful, she could break with a touch.

Her skin is like glass

And she feels too much.

K. Aldaya, 5/22/19

Picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbPVrZOLO3I

476. Places to Go

I long to escape,

Yet I’ve nowhere to go.

My heart lies on the ground,

Covered over with snow.

I long to fly up…

Upon the winds, and free,

Instead at the window,

I dream of being me.

I long to return,

To the sun and the earth,

Where I feel warm and light,

And every breath has worth.

I long to escape,

Though I’ve nowhere to go;

Yet when winter is gone,

Do not find me and sow.

Please spread my dust out,

I have places to go.

K. Aldaya, 5/21/19

475. Monstrous

You love to laugh at my misfortune.

To watch me suffer and cry.

When I’m hurt or sick, you look away,

And wait ’round for me to die.

You’ve never asked me about myself.

Years, and I’m still the outcast.

You’d rather make up lies and spread them,

Then to get the truth at last.

You’ve stolen from me… Gave me silence.

Ignored, screamed, and called me names.

You’ve never cared how much pain you cause,

And replay those same mind-games.

You know I have no family to care.

There’s a target on my back.

No one will stand up in my defense.

Orphans are soft to attack.

I wonder if you’ll ever fathom,

The use of introspection.

I doubt it, for as it has been said,

Monsters will not stare at their own reflection,..

It scares them too much.

K. Aldaya, 5/19/19

474. Victorious

This world is full of bullies,

Who’ll throw their weight around.

They’ll lack the skill to fight you,

So they’ll cheat and build themselves up,

To throw you to the ground.

No matter what they may say.

The best won’t always win.

Those who fail time and again,

May never get what they deserve.

May never, ever win.

So you should not place your bets,

On who will win one fight,

For the true victor will rise,

Against the odds and vast mountains,

Without a hand in sight.

This world is full of bullies.

It’s not fair, but it’s true.

They’ll find ways to tear you down,

While looking like the noble saint;

And the pure angel too.

Do not be discouraged though.

Fight on… Fight hard and strong!

For no matter the outcome,…

Defeat is but temporary,

And eternity is long.

K. Aldaya, 5/12/19

Picture: Alicia Vikander, Tomb Raider; https://www.trainforher.com/alicia-vikander-becoming-lara-croft/

472. The Carousel

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In the carnival of life,

I ride a carousel;

And every seat is full,

As it starts with the bell.

On each horse there sits,

A rider that I know.

Yes, all of them are me;

And all of us must go…

In circles, as we watch the world,

Float by in a blur;

Until the bell rings again,

And we lose a passenger.

One gets off and tries to leave,

But a tether holds them there.

They watch as people pass on by,

And sing out: “Life’s unfair”.

Then the bell, it dings again,

As they go back to their seat,

Thinking: “Life’s chiefly a picture book,

With faces we can not meet”.

Spinning and spinning and spinning…

The world goes round and round.

No, it is not living,

When you can’t stay on the ground.

In the carnival of life.

I ride a carousel.

I wish I could just leave this place,

But the mind is it’s own hell.

K. Aldaya, 4/16/19

Picture: https://gifimage.net/carousel-gif-10/

471. In the Shadows

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Eyes look, yet they never see.

They draw pictures,

Yet none show me.

In black and white I hide behind,

In the shadows.

In blurred lines.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

They skim the surface,

Like a stone set free,

To fly ‘cross the surface of a lake,

Then sink carelessly,

Leaving solitude in it’s wake.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

You glance my way,

Yet you don’t see me.

I’m the phantom in the corner of the eye,

That waves hello,

Then walks on by.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

Time passes by,

As you pass me.

I am nothing…a ghost…a mirage,

That haunts your eye,

In perfect camouflage.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

They draw pictures,

Yet none show me.

In black and white I hide behind,

In the shadows.

In blurred lines.

K. Aldaya, 3/28/19

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://favim.com/image/4055695/#

470. It’s Only Fair

black-and-white-girl-nature-photography-Favim.com-356563

They say that life,…it isn’t fair.

That the best of us die young;

And men who live until old age,

Still die with songs unsung.

Yet tears give life to the Earth,

And the dead find a place to lie.

You raped me, but it’s alright;

‘Cause I,… I watched you die.

It’s said that there is a plan,…

Some meaning to it all.

Yet I find it hard to sleep at night,

As people rise and fall.

Will anyone remember you?

Will they laugh or will they cry?

You raped me, and it’s not alright,

Yet I…, maybe I should feel glad,…

For I,…I watched you die.

Did the angels ever get to fly or is it just a tale,

Told by early men who died by both monster and sail?

I do not know much of it,

Though I fear it’s all comforting lie.

Those who hurt, rape, and kill,…

One day they too will die.

Is death the great equalizer?

In death is all made right?

Will the criminals and the victims,

Go together toward the light?

All men are born victims,

And even criminals cry;

And even though you hurt me,

I didn’t want you to die.

K. Aldaya, 3/24/19

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://favim.com/image/356563/

465. The Proof’s Missing It’s Pudding

What if in my honesty,

I am not believed?

If someone were to question my reality?

Can truth ever be received,

Without proof and the third-degree?

What if I misword my speech,

And what’s heard’s not meant?

Should I remain silent or cry, plead, and beseech…

The Gods, who will stay absent,

As my honor flies out of reach?

What if in my honesty,

I am not believed?

Am I the fool for truly speaking openly,

Of the plight of the bereaved?

With no corpse to see, and nod: acknowledgingly;

For in acceptance of the truth…

Men want proof…..They all want proof.

K. Aldaya, 1/18/19

464. Never-known

“No one wants me”, was said,

To no one in particular.

Ah, hiding is a fool’s stead,

When no one’s even looking.

Hide-and-seek and disappear,

Forgotten and alone.

There was once someone here,

Whom no one’s ever known.

“No one wants me”, was said,

Somewhere…someplace.

There’s something missing in the head,

That time can not replace.

Hide-and-seek and disappear,

Forgotten and alone.

There was once someone here,

Whom no one’s ever known.

K. Aldaya, 1/8/19

Picture: Image from Among the Sleep; https://store.steampowered.com/app/250620/Among_the_Sleep__Enhanced_Edition/

463. Smoke and Mirrors

“It’s all smoke and mirrors”, the illusionist said.

“What lives in the heart also lives in the head”.

“There is no magic to make you stay,

In one place, or just one way.

You are everything you love and hate.

You are the thoughts you contemplate.

You are young and you are old.

You are meek and you are bold.”

“It’s all smoke and mirrors”, the illusionist said.

“What’s true for the heart, is true for the head;

For just ’cause you are living,

Does not mean you aren’t dead.”

K. Aldaya, 12/30/18

462. The Sinner

Pulled apart. I come undone.

From the start I’m forced to run.

Run from one point to another.

I am me and then the other.

Words confound. I spin in place.

I make no sound. My words: they race,…

Inside myself where they collide,

And try to escape to the outside.

Drained and weak. I grip my heart.

I can’t speak. I’m torn apart.

My heart beats, and beats, and beats,

While inside, history repeats.

Pulled apart. I come undone.

Will this fight ever be won?

For as in war, there are no winners.

There are no saints, only sinners.

K. Aldaya, 12/28/18

Picture: https://rightsinfo.org/excluded-schoolchildren-at-serious-risk-of-knife-crime-and-youth-violence/

461. This is Your Life!

Society wants to throw us away.

“You do not matter”, that’s what they say.

If you ask for some help to get by.

Everyone questions: “What?”…”But why?”.

Society wants to throw us away.

“You are a burden”, that’s what they say.

If you can not hold down a job,

“You are a terrible, lazy, fat-slob!”.

Society wants to throw us away,

“You are worth nothing”, that’s what they say.

Well, you know what? Who cares what they say!

Why should their words matter anyway?

Were they there when you cried on your bed.

Would they care at all if you lost your head?

If you said you couldn’t live anymore,

Would any of them come to your door?

Society wants to throw us away.

“You do not matter”, that’s what they say.

Well, guess what? Who cares what they say!

Whose life is this anyway?

No, not theirs…today’s your day!

“Your life matters!”,…

That’s what I say!

K. Aldaya, 11/12/18

Picture: https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/sexual-abuse-sexual-shame-and-sexual-addiction/

460. Autumn Reverie

The leaves, they always danced for me,

Like ghosts at a haunted ball;

Maybe that’s why I always went,

For walks more in the Fall.

The ghosts seemed almost happy then,

As they drifted to and fro;

And I wondered if it was all for me,

Or they had some place to go?

Either way, it made me smile,

As they pranced across the ground;

Spinning the leaves in circles ,

As I lightly skipped around.

I liked to think they knew that I,

Thought about them often;

And perhaps they were smiling too,

To know not all of the world had forgotten.

For there they were, and there I was,

And although we could not touch.

I felt them, and they felt me,

And though it may not account for much…

The leaves, they always danced for me,

Like ghosts at a haunted ball,

And I’ve always been invited,

To attend each festive fall.

And dance, and smile, not just for me,…

….but for us all.

K. Aldaya, 11/5/18

Picture: http://wallpaperswide.com/autumn_walk-wallpapers.html

457. Unconnected

You talk to me and I listen.

You smile,…yet I feel sad.

I talk, and you don’t hear a thing;

The connection’s always bad.

You look at me, and I at you.

You move, and I stand still.

I see you, yet you don’t see me;

And I fear you never will.

K. Aldaya, 10/23/18

Picture: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-28677217-phone-receiver-hanging-off-hook-public-box

456. *Static*

*Static*……………………………….”Hello?”

“She’s not here.”………………”Not here?”

“She’s missing.”………………..”But where?”

“In the basement.”…………..”But why?”

*Sobs*………………………………..”Don’t cry.”

“They left her.”…………………”Who did?”

“Everyone.”……………………….*Static*

K. Aldaya, 10/2/18

Gif: https://giphy.com/gifs/noise-static-nihilminus-3o85xuOopcjqT2AgzC