399. Safe Harbor

Lips are moving…moving fast,

Yet I can not hear a word.

People walking…walking past,

Just outside of myself.

Wake me up…up to you;

To the world in which you dwell.

So far away…far away.

I stumbled back and fell.

I hit my face…my face hard,

To try and make it to you.

The skin: my cage…cage and guard,

Locks me in here again.

Now I see…see distantly,

The place called: reality.

People live there…there alive,

While I live inside me.

What have you said…said to me?

I do not understand you.

A million miles…miles from me.

You soon grow frustrated.

I do not blame…blame your words…

Of anger for no reply.

Yet if I spoke…spoke to you,

My words would just belie.

My bones they walk…walk and speak,

In a world beyond control.

My skin a shell…shell to peek…

Eyes outward, safe from harm.

Hands are moving…moving fast,

In belligerent retort.

How can I leave…leave here now?

Without harbor or port?

You push me out…out to sea,

Where I float just out of reach.

If only hands…hands held me…

Close, in understanding.

Please don’t push…push me away.

I just need some time and space.

When I feel…feel safe again,

I’ll hoist my sail and race,

Toward harbor…harbor and shore,

Where I’ll land upon life’s coast.

You may pull…pull me ashore,

Or push me out to sea.

Though if you care…care for me,

Then pull or leave me alone,

And I’ll make my way…way back,

When it’s safe, on my own.

K. Aldaya, 6/21/17

Picture: http://all-free-download.com/free-photos/download/small-yacht-at-sea_204659.html

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322. Smile City

sadness_loneliness_longing_night_city_roof_railing_lighting_a_girl_desktop

I walk the lonely neon streets,

Of my minds’ perceptioned-city:

Constructed experiences,

On frames of personality.

It glows here with electric-life,

And yet all is calm and silent.

The lit windows in each skyscraper,

Are on all the time to torment.

For all that keeps me company,

Are the shadows in the darkness;

They wander ’bout the city streets,

With motives one can’t quite assess.

O’ the night is never-ending,

And sanity is not welcome.

For the only ways to pass time,

Require certain levels of numb.

The cityscape gets dull and drab,

And monotony fosters art.

Splash of red here.  A mural there.

Blood stains make for good tragic art;

And when life gets too tiresome,

There are always things to distract.

Just climb atop a tall building,

And jump off to make an impact!

One must always make sure to smile…

Or at least wear one anyway;

‘Cause come on, what else can you do?

Has it not always been this way?

The world is built on blood and tears,

Though as they say, “Just smile, it’s life!”

We haunt this endless night alone,

Smiling on with the help of a knife.

K. Aldaya, 10/10/15

Picture:  from HD Wallpapershttp://www.hdwallpapers.im/sadness_loneliness_longing_night_city_roof_railing_lighting_a_girl_desktop-wallpaper.html

25. A Numb Place

candle star

In the dark depths of night.

My mind wanders tonight,

To a place where none can reach, without the candles dying light.

In the cold arena of night,

My thoughts take flight,

To a place that few know of where tears reduce sight.

In the starry-skied night,

My sadness gains height,

To a place that’s near, but seems so far,

Where things are set right…,

If only for the night.

K. Aldaya, 4/02

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AdMxt7jNFO0/TnSim1rXqiI/AAAAAAAAAA4/366td3d6Jus/s1600/P9171561.JPG

20. Unshed Tears

fear_of_drowning_by_starfishyy-d5cqnvk

Tears, I feel them,

Yet not one does drop.

They are there,

Holding still,

Under flesh they dwell.

Resting and dragging your soul,

Down and down;

Making you feel as if you’ll drown.

Why don’t they leave?

Why can’t they fall?

Tears, I feel them,

Yet not one does fall.

They are there, holding still,

Under flesh they dwell…

If only they fell.

K. Aldaya, 9/15/02

Picture: Fear of Drowning by Starfishyy on Deviant Art; http://starfishyy.deviantart.com/art/Fear-of-Drowning-323730272