400. Brother Dear, Don’t Leave Me Here

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Brother dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in this closet.

Sister dear, I fear…I fear,

The harms which men commit.

Sister dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in this room.

Brother dear, I fear…I fear,

This life will be my tomb.

Brother dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in my mind.

Sister dear, I fear…I fear,

I’ll one day lose my mind.

Sister dear, don’t leave me here,

It’s lonely without you.

Brother dear, I fear…I fear,

The past we can’t undo.

K. Aldaya, 6/22/17

Picture: From Pinterest; http://weheartit.com/entry/27044263

397. Go to the Water

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Tears flowing forth.

Time runs it’s course,

In the flowing forth of words from mouths.

Nothing but a freak.

A child: lost and meek,

Cursed to bear the cost of others’ sorrows.

Fates can not be changed.

Experiences rearranged.

Once set into motion it continues.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

“Kill yourself today.

You’re in everybody’s way.

Why can’t you see your fate is sealed.

No one wants you here.

Curse’s won’t disappear.

Why must you fight the flowing of the water.”

The window is ajar,

And beyond is just a bar.

One step and then it will all be over.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Nobody will stop you.

You know what you must do.

Look down into the darkness of the water.

Their eyes are looking up.

Go on, they’ve had enough.

It will only hurt a little longer.

Legs break in the fall.

Nobody cares at all.

They watch you with the coldness of the water.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Crawl to the boat’s tip.

Take a little slip.

Fall down face first into shivering water.

Can not swim away.

Lungs fill up straight away.

Choke upon the apathy of strangers.

Bodies soon grow cold,

As souls release their hold,

And all that’s left’s another child forgotten.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

No one speaks the name.

Life goes on just the same,

As bodies drift away on the water.

Cruelty is a plague.

Apathy digs a grave,

Which buries all the outcast little children.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water…

…Go. Go. Go to the water…

…….Go. Go. Go to the water.

K. Aldaya, 5/21/17

Picture: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22892496-dust-to-dust

396. Fly Away Child

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I knew you were my everything,

Yet one day, that you would die.

I studied you in the distance;

A form of God on earth.

I worshipped without question,

The toiler of my birth.

I called out with no reply.

I saw you there unmoving.

I wondered why you were so still,

Neither loving nor disapproving.

Like a picture of a memory,

You were perfect in my eyes;

With a smile: warm and tender.

I was naive and unwise.

Then a feeling hit me like a rock,

And I ran as tears fell down.

I ran, and ran, and ran,

Through the wheat at dawn.

I came so close to you,

I swear I heard your heart,

And as you faded away,

I kept listening for your heart.

Yet, your heart, it left with you,

Along with my youth.

You left me unsure of my worth,

For to me, you were it’s proof.

I was only a child afraid,

Who wanted you to stay,

But my picture of you drifted,

On the winds of a new day.

You never ran to me, not once;

Nor cared to hear my heart.

If I ever needed a hug,

Or if I’d fallen apart.

I wish I’d known on that day long ago,

No matter how hard I ran,

I’d never have made it there in time,

For you to hold my hand.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

On the day I said goodbye,

To the picture I had of you,

And turned toward the sky.

It’s blue was as an ocean: pure,

I found hope in it’s peace,

That even those left all alone,

May find their love increase.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I wish I could have let her know,

That one day she’d be able to fly…

Into the loving arms of some distant, future sky.

K. Aldaya, 5/20/17

Picture: https://www.videezy.com/free-video/cornfield

357. Sleep

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You always sleep when I cry,

And one day you will when I lie…

in a coffin: the bed of the cursed.

Remember you shunned my pain first!

You always ignore when I bleed,

And don’t bother to stop and take heed.

Blades listen much sharper than you.

Isn’t blood now on your hands too?

You always disregard my words…

They drift onto paper like cowards;

Afraid to take to the air,

And be blown away without a care.

You always sleep when I cry,

And one day when I up and die.

Remember I told you I would.

Living: Tell me why I should!

K. Aldaya, 6/15/16

Picture: Originally posted by Doreese on Tumblr; http://favim.com/image/47601/

354. Stuck in Time

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Time blows around me;

Stuck in place, I feel it pass me,

And sings it’s haunted lullaby,

Of what will never be.

I watch the time and people pass;

They wave as they walk right past.

For a moment we knew each other,

And then that moment became the past.

I stand in place and wave goodbye,

And wish them all the best and try…

To be happy they are moving on;

Though secretly I want to cry.

No one stays and no one should.

I’m lost to time and no one could,

Stay here long without a cost,

And there’s no reason why they would.

Time drift’s on and passes me,

Along with everyone I see.

Is anyone else left behind,

To make the time less lonely?

-Time blows around me.

Stuck in place I feel it pass me,

And sings it’s haunted lullaby,

Of what will never be.

K. Aldaya, 5/14/16

Picture: Originally posted on http://icanfeelyourheart.tumblr.com/; http://favim.com/image/82741/

342. In Dreams

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I dreamt about you last night,

So I didn’t want to wake,

To the first rays of the morning sun;

My eyes they could not shake,

And open to the dawn.

Why do you visit me in sleep?

Is there something you must say?

I don’t mind if you say nothing,

If you will only stay…

With me, ’til I wake.

How long have I sat alone,

In this house: aged and empty?

Longing for footsteps which prelude,

The presence of your company…

Within my heart.

I dreamt about you last night.

You sat down by my side,

And as we exchanged looks and pleasantries,

I couldn’t help feel an ache inside,

For the dreams which must always end.

K. Aldaya, 4/2/16

Picture: From Heartstrings kdrama; Uploaded by Toksuri on Tumblr; http://toksuri.tumblr.com/post/71207903971/love-backhug-moments

334. Night Dreams

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The foggy night is cool and glistens,

With the rains of yesterday,

And I find myself saddened again,

By the loneliness of it’s gray.

Yet, I know this is my hour of choice.

The peaceful and tranquil hour,

When most humans are found fast asleep,

And I feel most safe within my tower…

To look out into the universe,

And wish upon a star or moon,

For their beauty to become an eternal song,

So I may forever hum out their tune.

I long to stay and sing out,

Into the silence of eternity;

Though it makes me sad to be alone,

It’s far better with no company.

The stars will hear and twinkle bright,

And the moon will brightly beam.

No matter how dark and lonely the night,

It still can feel like a dream.

I’ve yet to meet one human being,

Who cares to hear my song or voice;

Instead my voice is ripped from me,

And the soul is left no choice…

It runs away and hides behind,

Cordialities and facades.

The body lingers devoid of life,

At the edge of gambled-odds.

There is no dream unbroken by,

The realities of humankind.

Will we ever be safe in each other’s arms,

Or truly understand another’s mind?

Until that day or maybe never,

I will hope and dream at night.

Alone I will sing to the distant moon,

And when tears fall they’ll express the flight,

Of my soul into the skies.

K. Aldaya, 2/25/16

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://www.playbuzz.com/shira10/22-unbelievable-facts-about-the-human-body-that-will-blow-your-mind

322. Smile City

sadness_loneliness_longing_night_city_roof_railing_lighting_a_girl_desktop

I walk the lonely neon streets,

Of my minds’ perceptioned-city:

Constructed experiences,

On frames of personality.

It glows here with electric-life,

And yet all is calm and silent.

The lit windows in each skyscraper,

Are on all the time to torment.

For all that keeps me company,

Are the shadows in the darkness;

They wander ’bout the city streets,

With motives one can’t quite assess.

O’ the night is never-ending,

And sanity is not welcome.

For the only ways to pass time,

Require certain levels of numb.

The cityscape gets dull and drab,

And monotony fosters art.

Splash of red here.  A mural there.

Blood stains make for good tragic art;

And when life gets too tiresome,

There are always things to distract.

Just climb atop a tall building,

And jump off to make an impact!

One must always make sure to smile…

Or at least wear one anyway;

‘Cause come on, what else can you do?

Has it not always been this way?

The world is built on blood and tears,

Though as they say, “Just smile, it’s life!”

We haunt this endless night alone,

Smiling on with the help of a knife.

K. Aldaya, 10/10/15

Picture:  from HD Wallpapershttp://www.hdwallpapers.im/sadness_loneliness_longing_night_city_roof_railing_lighting_a_girl_desktop-wallpaper.html

318. Privation

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I don’t want it to end,

Though I know it cannot last.

I can’t stay and pretend,

That this is going to last.

I can’t hold you ’til the end.

In this moment of protection,

Holding tight against your form,

An internal interjection,

Rages on into a storm:

Imbuing sound dejection.

I can not hold you here with me.

I can not hold you down.

You weren’t meant to live for me.

I’ll only bring you down.

No love is ever free.

I long to lie against you,

For all time, just us two,

Feeling safe beside you;

Yet I know this can’t come true.

I won’t let you stay here too.

Fly out on your wings,

And I will be here waiting.

You’ve those resplendent wings,

So there’s no use debating.

You were meant for better things.

I’ll wake early each morning,

And sit beside the window,

Hoping time will one day bring…

You back here below;

In a distant Spring.

—I long for your touch again.

I long to feel your shelter.

It’s raining outside again.

As my tears run helter-skelter,

I etch them onto paper with pen.

Forgive me, I am weak.

I know it can not be;

Yet my heart continues to seek,

The comfort of your body.

Now all is dark and bleak.

Days slip by carelessly,

Forgetting mortal lives,

As I sit here dreaming endlessly,

Of former days and lives,

When you were next to me.

The hour has grown late,

And these cold hands are weary.

I know not the day or date,

Only that this night is eerie,

And tonight I meet my fate.

I leave here in this place,

In the countryside of the living,

My last words of embrace.

Some crimes find no forgiving,

But love still pleads its’ case;

And even if for one brief day,

Love is held onto,

When it is lost one day,

It still holds onto you,

Giving you reason to pray.

I didn’t want it to end there.

You were all that brought me comfort,

Though I knew I could never have lived there,

With myself, were you to avert,

Your fate for the welfare,

Of one mere fallen angel.

K. Aldaya, 9/11/15

Picture: “Roving Life” by Christine Muraton on Deviant Art; http://christine-muraton.deviantart.com/art/Roving-life-320468493

316. Curl Up in the Corner, Dear

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Curl up in the corner, dear,

And cover your ears in vain.

You cannot hide from the pain.

This world is made of fear.

Curl up in the corner, dear,

And hide from searching hands.

Blind your eyes behind hair-strands,

And pray to disappear.

Curl up in the corner, dear,

And close those teary eyes.

Most things seen and said are lies,

To lead the naive near.

Curl up in the corner, dear,

For hands were made to punish;

And skin and bones to ravish,

In treachery severe.

Curl up in the corner, dear,

For certainty’s a lie.

They will not care if you die,

Or if you persevere.

Curl up in the corner, dear,

And cover your ears in vain;

For a world, it is insane,

Where sanity breeds fear.

K. Aldaya, 9/2/15

Picture: Found on youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJarvZMi0gU; http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lJarvZMi0gU/maxresdefault.jpg

306. Concrete Dreamland

europolis

The neon lights glow tonight,

Revealing concrete dreams;

As you ponder on the darkest night,

Before electric streams,

Glittered the dark with light.

Has the light brought you sight?

Are your dreams the clearer?

Or have you been blinded by light?

Which makes all wishes dearer,

Under hazy skies tonight?

Do the glistening streetlights,

Fulfill your pining heart?

And guide you home in darkest nights,

When all hopes shatter apart?

Or do they rob you of your sight?

The neon lights glow tonight,

In a concrete dreamland;

While you contemplate why nothing’s right.

When all the world’s made light, you stand,

Alone beneath a streetlight,

And quietly raise a hand.

Shading your eyes from the light,

You spot a distant star:

Dim under the veiling streetlight.

Will your wish still make it that far?

To guide you home tonight?

K. Aldaya, 5/19/15

Picture: Concept Art: “Europolis” from Dreamfall Chapters by Red Thread Games; http://www.thirteenchapters.net/

301. Haunted

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I know you will not understand,

When I say he wants me dead.

You will never understand what it’s like,

For another to live in your head.

To cut into your flesh so deep,

They bleed into your blood;

So violently invade your skin,

That they form a crimson flood,

And break down all the barricades,

Built to protect the spirit.

And barge inside so loudly,

That it frightens all who hear it.

All the parts of you, they hide,

In other rooms and floors;

They hide for fear of being found:

Cowering behind locked doors.

For the intruder walks up and down,

The corridors and stairs,

With his knife scrapping the walls, he walks,

And through each keyhole glares.

If anyone gets out of place,

And tries to run or sneak.

He’ll hear, find, and punish them,

At the softest of a creak.

Some parts of you will try to fight,

Yet it always ends the same.

A blood-bath; as a mortal can’t win,

An immortal at his game.

I know you do not understand,

When I say he wants me dead.

That he hunts the halls and that he guards,

The prison in my head.

No one can escape or leave.

No one’s allowed freedom.

Some live in fear, or plan escape,

Yet most are simply numb.

Please try to understand me,

When I say I cannot tell you.

To open up those locked doors,

Is something I can’t do.

To open them I risk my life,

And all the parts of me.

He’d kill body or mind to hide,

His crimes against sanity.

Hush now. Hush and be still,

And believe what you will.

For I know, yet cannot fully say,

Why my mind is haunted still.

K. Aldaya, 4/23/15

Picture: The Haunted Mansion Corridor at Disneyland; http://www.haunt1000.com/publishImages/MyHauntedMansion~~element27.jpg

299. Star Crossed Lovers

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No matter how far we reach,

Our spirits remain distant.

We long to meet…reach…and reach…

Yet our skin is resistant.

Our skin and bones detain us;

Hold us under lock and key.

On and on our sentence drones.

In death will we be set free?

Or is this a death sentence?

Life in prison. No parole;

Without recourse or defense,

Then shot dead through the keyhole?

Someday if our deaths’ pardon.

If souls traverse the cosmos.

Will we finally meet someone,

Discern and draw in so close,

That two souls may become one?

K. Aldaya, 4/7/15

Picture:  By kelsey-makes-you-smile.xanga.com; http://favim.com/image/54089/

285. The Souls’ Masterpiece

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The world is such an empty place; a desert for the soul.

For one such as I, who’s unwilling to lie,

And accept less as whole.

Look in my eyes: they are too deep; they hold too many dreams.

Optimists are tyrannical tragedists,

Eroding the bends of soul-streams.

A cliff’s not an inviting thing; though to eyes a vision.

Yet who but the maker’s willing to go there,

And glean the artists’ precision?

Every stroke of the paintbrush blushes touch and reason.

Feel the colors on skin; immerse yourself in,

And understand in season.

Breathe in my inner world of thoughts; hold my soul in your hands.

See and judge me, for as long as you’re with me,

Love forms in these dream-lands.

The world I own becomes a home; refuge and masterpiece.

For without a hand, or one to understand.

The brushstrokes will ne’er cease.

The cliff of my impassioned soul; I’ll one day dive from it.

In sea-colors I’ll fall, and laugh, sing, and bawl,

‘Til I drown in the depths of it.

For there is too much I think of, and too much I can feel;

And there aren’t enough painters who’ll paint from the waters,

To create what I feel.

The world is such an empty place; a desert for the soul.

For one such as I, who feels too much to lie.

I must express my soul or die.

K. Aldaya, 2/3/15

Picture:  “Colorful Sunset Over the Ocean” Uploaded by Stacy on Love this Pic; http://www.lovethispic.com/image/18872/colorful-sunset-over-the-ocean

283. Mutistic Refrain

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Whisper not a whisper,

Or someone is bound to hear;

And it echo and repeat itself,

For all the world to hear.

Whisper not a whisper,

For even the wind has ears;

And a tongue for blowing secrets,

And spreading fears.

Whisper not a whisper.

Hold it in and hold your breath.

Let tears o’erflow the flood-gates,

And hold back the ghosts of death.

Whisper not a whisper,

They can hear! They can hear!

From their haunted world they listen!

Hush…do not let them hear!

Whisper not a whisper,

As ghosts are for the dead,

And should not find a home to haunt,

In any others’ head.

Whisper not a whisper,

Lock the door and close the blinds.

Protect those who do not know,

What searching here finds.

Whisper not a whisper,

No one may enter here.

Save all from what’s unseen.

Save all from what’s to fear.

Whisper not a whisper,

Or someone is bound to pay.

The haunted world must be contained;

They will not have their way!

Whisper not a whisper,

And they won’t find anyone.

Stay inside and make a stand,

For the past can’t be undone.

So, whisper not a whisper,

Crouch and hum an eerie tune;

And wait and rock until it’s time,

To greet the lonely moon.

For if whispered-out a whisper,

Someone is bound to hear;

And it echo and repeat itself,

For all their ghosts to hear.

K. Aldaya, 12/28/14

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/340275/

275. Rest Your Head Upon My Shoulder

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Rest your head upon my shoulder,

And I will rest there too.

I’m so tired of trying,

I’ve failed, and the past I can’t undo.

Rest upon my shoulder dear friend.

Your warmth and breath are mine;

In time woven together.

Forget the passing hours and be mine.

Rest now and be at peace my friend,

For time will make us pay.

For stealing what is not ours;

Oh yes, we will have to pay someday.

Rest down your head and do not think,

Of days which slip us by;

And let all cares float away,

As we dream under the fated-sky.

Rest your head upon my shoulder,

And I will rest there too.

My veins are parched and drying…

I’ve failed….and the past I can’t undo….

K. Aldaya, 8/11/14

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://thesavvysistah.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/sunday-morning-inspiration-lean-on-me.jpg

262. Mommy, Don’t Leave Me

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Mommy, please don’t leave me,

I’m afraid to be alone.

I fear the darkness coming.

Please don’t leave me alone!

Mommy, I’m so afraid,

Of the shadows which follow…

Follow me, and haunt my dreams.

I feel so cold; hollow.

Mommy, I feel it’s near.

Terrified I cringe and shake.

Please don’t look at me that way….

Like I am a mistake.

Mommy, I am sorry.

Sorry I’m a haunted soul.

That you can’t stand to look at,

My sin as black as coal.

Mommy, please hold my hand.

Do not let it go and leave.

It’s coming…yes it’s coming!

There’s no more time to grieve.

Mommy, don’t go away.

I’m so afraid and I see…

A dark form is near…..so near,

I feel death’s here mommy.

Mommy, mommy, help me!

It has me…I scream and scream,

But you don’t seem to hear me.

I scream and scream…and scream.

Mommy, why did you leave?

I step and walk to you now,

And you take my bloody hand.

Mommy, can’t you see now…

How hard it is for me to stand?

Mommy, I’m so tired.

Goodnight.  I wish I could stay,

But the dead do not walk strong,

In the light of a new day.

Mommy, it is so cold;

I can’t feel your warmth at all,

And I walk when I should sleep,

Beneath the night-moons’ pall.

Mommy, I am lonely.

Endlessly walking this path.

Can I sleep forever now?

Mommy, run my blood-bath.

You won’t miss me anyhow.

K. Aldaya, 3/3/14

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://thedarkrosejournal.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/sadness.jpg

257. An Ants’ Life

Girl-Butterfly-Light

I always get lost in crowds.

I never stand out.

Sometimes I do for things I wear,

But that’s not what it’s about.

(If not for that) I am fast lost,

Into the crowds of day.

There is nothing special of me,

At least that I can say.

I am yet another ant,

Trampled by the Gods.

Slaving under the hot sun,

Or spiting those same Gods,

For creating us to suffer:

To exist to feel,…

To feel so sad in crowds,

One does not want to feel;

Want to feel so lonely…

Or want to be an ant.

I,..I want to be a butterfly,

With vibrant wings with which to fly.

K. Aldaya, 1/20/14

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://flywithmeproductions.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Girl-Butterfly-Light.jpg

256. The Silence of the Birds

girl-550x366

Here I am so lonely.

No one really cares.

I’m just out here surviving.

Why is it no one dares?

To talk to me, or know,

Who I am or long to be?

Or simply say hello,

When they walk on by me?

I’m tired of surviving,

Of doing the right things.

Of saying hello and smiling;

For me, no one does these things.

And yet, they are so simple;

I do them every day.

Though I doubt yet one would call to me,

If I were to walk away.

If I turned and walked,

Up the stairs some more.

And to the top emerged.

And loudly closed the door.

And walked slowly each step…

Tip-tap with the clock.

And softly closed my eyes.

Pondering the tick and tock.

And as the wind,

From the North,

A cold and icy thing,…

Blew, I would step forth,

—-No more to sing.

K. Aldaya, 1/19/14

Picture:  “Girl on the Edge” by Tom Ryaboi: http://www.tomryaboi.com/; http://camyx.com/exposure/2013/11/tom-ryaboi-atop-skyscrapers/

234. Just Another Broken Soul

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I don’t know why I bother.

I write. I weep, in vain.

I’ll never be able to express or convey,

What’s pounding in my brain.

I say a word or maybe two.

You’ll nod your head, “Ah yes!”,

“I understand”.

And I will nod, “Sure…yes”.

But the truth is that it angers me.

How patronizing can you be?

You know nothing of my life,

And I’m glad for it not to be!

You’ll never understand what it’s like to cry….,

Cry away years of your life.

To linger, strive, hurt, and bleed,

The blood from your own knife.

To only know that pain because,

It’s all you’ve ever known;

And never trust joy or happiness,

Forever feeling new and unknown.

But it’s my fault because I was,

Born to take a breath,….to walk.

Born a toy for everyone.

Toys don’t get to fight back or talk.

Toys are made to be used and trashed,

When all the fun is through–a waste–

Of others time and lives…

A regret. A purchase made in haste.

But as I’ve said it’s my fault,

And my place in time and guilt.

If I don’t get over it,

It’s more guilt upon guilt.

Those who damage and destroy,

They get off scott-free –no responsibility;

While I must take responsibility,

For everything which was done to me.

I know what I’m supposed to say.

I know what I should do,

But it would only be because,

I was told it’s what I should do.

I don’t believe that I’m stronger,

Or believe I’m now wiser or better.

Is this Masochism 101?

Must I learn to love pain to be better?

I know it’s not what you want to hear,

And so you may no longer listen;

But yet I still must say it because it’s the truth.

I beg you, listen!

I will never be okay and it is not okay!

I won’t lie and say it’s fine as if it never happened.

Nobody wins and there’s only destruction.

I will hurt until the end.

For a broken soul may never mend.

K. Aldaya, 03/20/13

Picture:  “Broken Soul” by AndyGarcia666 on Deviant Art; http://andygarcia666.deviantart.com/art/Broken-Soul-281289269

231. Needy

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Please see me….really see me,

And help me to stand.

I need you so deeply,

You don’t understand!

Sometimes I feel abandoned,

When you don’t see my pain.

I long to cry: “Don’t leave me!”,

But don’t want love in fain.

I long to be beautiful,

And worthy of embrace.

I long to be so special,

Your eyes will never leave my face.

The truth is I’ll never be,

As special as I need.

No love will ever be enough.

Never full….I feed and feed.

So empty inside. An empty void.

A vast and broken soul.

No love could ever fill it in,

Or make it new and whole.

I’m not special.  Just a freak.

Too needy to feel love.

The pain will always be too great,

For me to rise above.

Please help me,… for right now,

I cannot feel your love!

K. Aldaya, 09/11/12

Picture:  “A Broken Dream” by ageai; http://www.deviantart.com/art/In-A-Broken-Dream-11058263

228. The Alien’s a Freak

My pain I cannot express,

Nor does it matter to try.

No one will ever see what I see,

Nor through my heart cry.

lonely_face_female_flowers_portrait_fear-ab71497f84ea996e815eda6fb9f8257d_h_thumb

By expressions I am outcast.

By skin I am judged.

My soul, an alien, a freak,

To which I am misjudged.

Different is always punished;

No matter how it came to be.

If changed by others or made so,

Aliens deserve to die or flee.

Flee and hide away inside,

And change the form to seem,

Just as every other human being.

To live,… to survive this hellish dream.

But tell me is it really living if one must hide from everything?

K. Aldaya, 01/16/12

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/36285/

224. I Fall Alone

Alone-girl-sadness-cute-in-forest-lonely

Nobody can help me.

I’ll always be alone.

Nobody can save me,

From the nightmare of it all.

Nobody can see me,

When I cry, and scream, and call.

Nobody can hear me.

In this pit of misery I fall….

Forever fall alone.

Nobody can help me.

I’ll always be alone.

Nobody can save me,

From the darkness which encroaches.

Nobody can touch me, hold me, and need me,

As time reproaches.

Nobody can shut out what I see,

As time, in loved-ones, steals from me….

And poaches…

Every joy;

While I lie alone….Forever, fall (to the grave) alone.

K. Aldaya, 12/26/11

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BSVVQ-Qvw-M/UX5kVQC6TpI/AAAAAAAABy8/cmblY9NUAzE/s1600/Alone-girl-sadness-cute-in-forest-lonely.jpg

214. Scream or Shout

173332

So many thoughts inside my head,

But how to get them out?

I wish I knew, or had one clue,

As to how to scream or shout!

All this pain locked away,

Since the dawn of time.

My skin is pain, although in vain,

I ask to know my crime.

Rock is cold and has no soul,

And feels not pain or sorrow.

How is it then, my skin feels it when,

My soul hides deep in marrow?

So many thoughts inside my head,

But how to get them out?

They hide behind, walls of stone and bind….

My tears:  They scream…..they shout!

K. Aldaya, 05/23/11

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.free-hdwallpapers.com/wallpapers/abstract/173332.jpg

207. I Waited, Yet You Did Not Come

BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmZBaVpCbXZRM3hHZFVtMzAtaDhuWlEAAAACaWQKAXgAAAAEc2l6ZQ

I waited, yet you did not come.

I wondered why, when it was done.

‘Twas too late for regrets.

‘Twas too late for the sun,

To shine and luminate darks’ frets.

I waited, yet you did not come.

I wonder why, now that it’s done.

Where were you when I cried…for comfort,

And from the one…,

From the one I love and hold?

O’ where were you, my love, my love,

When I died?

K. Aldaya, 01/23/07

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmZBaVpCbXZRM3hHZFVtMzAtaDhuWlEAAAACaWQKAXgAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg

157. Ardent Hope

stairway_to_heaven_by_floriancats-d5qd4kl

Will I finally be chosen tonight?

The storm-clouds are gathered,

Trembling in the sight,

Of streaks of sunlit-air.

Yes, I see it there…in light.

Is it my turn to be taken?

Basked in branched eye-stars,

Which carry with a shakin’,

My soul to heaven above?

O’ leave me not forsaken!

For forever I will be,

Longing to be there and free.

K. Aldaya, 8/7/05

Picture:  “Stairway to Heaven” by floriancats on Deviant Art; http://floriancats.deviantart.com/art/Stairway-to-heaven-346613349

109. Seclusion

Girl_Interrupted_Series_lV_by_LivingDeadGurlx

Seclusion.

Years in lone seclusion.

All alone.

Dark, empty intrusion.

Seclusion.

No one to hear the screams,

That echoed,

Off these old roof beams.

Seclusion.

Dwelling in this castle,

Of ancient.

No kind company’s hassle.

Seclusion.

What such a soul would give,

For a voice,

To make the silence live.

Seclusion.

O’ to be cared about.

One small glimpse,

To wipe away kinds’ doubt.

Seclusion.

Ghosts only fill these halls.

Their shadows,

Bolt across the walls.

Seclusion.

Haunted by these shadows,

From the deep,

That speak what ne’er shows.

Seclusion.

Desolate phantoms wail.

Vile, dead hopes.

Time does not avail.

Seclusion.

Out from tower seeing,

For cov’ring,

Grim forest unfreeing.

Seclusion.

Above I oversee,

The mis’ry,

Which is hanging over me.

Seclusion.

The sky is dark and cold,

Faded black,

As a nightmares’ enfold.

Seclusion.

In this place I cry,

“Find me here,

As I here ‘lone, must lie”.

Seclusion.

Eternally lost here,

In castle,

Which in the mind does sear.

Seclusion.

No one to hear each breath,

Keeping me,

From the near land of death.

Seclusion.

In the corner I hide,

Shaking as,

I so often have cried.

Seclusion.

Is where I e’er reside.

K. Aldaya, 12/09/04

Picture: “Girl Interrupted Series IV” by LivingDeadGurlx on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Girl-Interrupted-Series-lV-50416935

85. The Prison

creepy-basement

Trapped.

A cold damp cell to sleep.

Alone.

In dark silence I weep.

Tired.

Nightmare dreams do seep.

Silenced.

I dare not make a peep.

Afraid.

Of what I’m soon to reap.

Wicked.

My chastisements steep.

Waiting.

Heart begins to leap.

Doomed.

Closer, shadow does creep.

Scorned.

Sentenced as below cheap.

Forsaken.

In entombed dirt heap.

Terrified.

Shivering in nights’ deep.

K. Aldaya, 10/11/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://baseballfordinner.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/creepy-michigan-basement.jpg

74. Castaway

large

Dear ‘God’, please remember me when I reach heaven’s ingress.

Hold me close as can be, for I have such loneliness.

Dear ‘God’, why do they all leave?

Why always left here alone?

Daily soul to grieve and grieve,

‘Til my heart is dead as stone.

Dear ‘God’, I’ll pretend you’re here.

Standing next to me smiling.

Glancing at me so dear,

This dream keeps me trying.

Dear ‘God’, would you stay always,

With this ‘lone forsaken soul?

Upon which none do gaze,

Left by the world unwhole.

Dear ‘God’, maybe you care for me?

People pass me on their way,

But don’t care to know me,

A lonely castaway.

K. Aldaya, 9/16/04

Picture: by dear_wes on Weheartit.com; http://weheartit.com/entry/65224866/via/dear_wes

62. Fading Light

I knew the minute I walked in the door,

That nothing was as it had been before.

Though every piece was still in place,

From hall to dining room, in all its’ grace.

stained-glass-room

The setting sun through stained-glass gleamed.

No lights on, and how alive it seemed!

If only for a moment it will last,

Then store it away in memories vast.

For with the ending of this day,

All life from here shall fade away.

Take a seat amid vibrant light-streams,

In darkening den, to your dreams.

Sit in the  moments ceasing glow,

And contemplate times’ vivid flow.

Wasn’t it just recently the dawn of this day?

Now it’s near gone!

Remember this mornings’ bright sun?

You were here and this misery was none.

Remember when your voice echoed here,

Through the walls…rang so clear.

Remember the last words you said.

“Bye, Love you”, pounds in my head,

As you walked out this homes’ door never to return here evermore.

The sun has set.

All light has left.

In dark I lie loathsomely bereft.

And Yes, I knew the minute I walked in the door,

That your light is fading to some far-off shore,

And darkness will fill its’ place forevermore.

K. Aldaya, 6/27/04 (a.k.a. K. Batza)

Picture:  “Beit El Deen Palace: Stained Glass Room” by beirutmabitmoot; https://beirutmabitmoot.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/526/