394. My Greatest Sin

I wish that I had been born,

With just the right type of skin.

I wish I knew how to make it work,

When I just don’t fit in.

I try so hard to look like them,

And duplicate their ways;

Yet no matter how hard I try,

I feel so unseen in their gaze.

I wish I had a way to make,

Things work out in the end.

To make my form a better fit,

And no longer have to pretend;

But I fear my fate is as set,

As the very skin I reside.

Born too thin to weather on,

Or remain long by your side.

I blame myself for everything.

For being born unfit.

For being a burden to everyone,

And being too selfish to quit.

For wanting what I know is wrong;

Wanting what can not be.

I know I am a fool to wish,

For what will never be.

I’ve always wanted to be the one,

Who helps you live your dreams.

I hope one day you’ll forgive me,

When my skin rips at the seams.

Thank you for holding me so close.

For loving me anyway,

And maybe if I pray enough,

I can come back to you someday…

In another life. Another time.

Born the same as you,

With thicker skin and thicker blood,

And we’ll live our dreams, me and you.

I wish I had been born,

With the same type of skin.

I wish I knew how to live for you,

When I just don’t fit in.

In a life where I’m your burden,

And you’re my greatest sin.

K. Aldaya, 5/15/17

Picture: Posted by Southern Sweetie on Bloglovin.com; https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/southern-sweetie-4084552/photo-1609929381

130. Out of Range Change

Why hope in vain for things to change?

When all signs and sights contradict.

Hope, love, and happiness…,

All just out of range.

Powder__001

Why hope for sleep in nightmares’ lair,

When fear is all that can be felt?

Can’t trust any truths seen,

For honor these days is rare.

So why hope in vain for a change?

When nothing ever has or will?

No trust can be found,

When all is out of range.

K. Aldaya, 3/10/05

Picture: Powder: Sean Patrick Flanery as Jeremy “Powder” Reed; http://www.moviefancentral.com/images/pictures/review41174/Powder__001.jpg?1364269808

78. Shouldn’t Be Here

alone234

Everything on this Earth tells me I shouldn’t be here.

From the day of my birth, through each and every year.

Wishing I weren’t here.

Nothing I do is right.

I think unlike the masses.

Tossed into the night as time flows and passes.

Rejection here amasses.

K. Aldaya, 9/23/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Eq7_IIxCWyM/TlGwfbyY_4I/AAAAAAAABLE/uT5zKHrTix4/s1600/alone.jpg

48. Am I Singing the Right Song?

I_don__t_belong_here____by_Cosmiksquirel

‘God’? Where do I belong?

Am I singing the right song?

I don’t feel that I’ll fit,

In any group that I commit.

I don’t have friends in kins,

And I am of many sins.

Many groups can be very critical,

In my faults they’d have a mouthful.

I understand them all a bit,

But where oh ‘God’ do I fit?

I love and try to do good,

But I think not as most would.

‘God’? Where do I belong?

Am I singing the right song?

K. Aldaya, 3/21/04

Picture:  I Don’t Belong Here by Cosmiksquirel on Deviant Art; http://cosmiksquirel.deviantart.com/art/I-don-t-belong-here-51229927

45. Not Like You

dungeon

I just can’t truly relate,

To others at any rate.

I just don’t fit in here,

Near others I so fear.

I just am so afraid,

I wish I could just fade.

I just am so alone,

But for others live as stone.

I just don’t understand,

How you can live in this land?

I just don’t think like you,

I don’t feel the way you do.

That is why I am so hated,

Forever unloved and berated.

Leave me be and let me stay,

In my own world, locked away.

Never to be known or seen,

For eternity behind my screen.

K. Aldaya, 3/14/04

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gVknTK0QANk/T90WilbWrzI/AAAAAAAADSE/14giGjbyvLU/s1600/dungeon.jpg