438. Doppelganger

I didn’t recognize you. I didn’t want to know,

The secrets and the truths held,

Deep within your eyes…and although,

I see you near to me. I’m afraid to glance your way.

For how can one save the lost;

Trapped in a time far away?

I can not speak of the horror; Only of the screams.

I hear them slip through your lips,

And besiege me in my dreams.

I’m sorry I left you there; In that place, all alone…

Where the clock’s forever stuck,

At quarter-past “never-known”.

–I stand atop a dark stairway. I see you below,

And as your eyes look my way,

I spy a looming shadow;

And as the shadow passes o’er, our eyes, they fin’lly meet.

I know I can not save you,

So once again I retreat.–

I didn’t recognize, ’cause I didn’t want to know,

That the girl in the mirror,

Had the same bleak eyes which show…

The anguish of a child betrayed. A child left behind…

Deserted and forsaken,

In the corners of my mind.

K. Aldaya, 4/27/18

Picture: Vintage image used in the book “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children” by Ransom Riggs; https://www.pinterest.com/pin/330522060122327068/

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280. The Death of Dreams

in_the_mirror_by_sad_cat-d3geaay

Remember when you dared to dream?

Remember when you still had hope?

When the world held possibilities,

And time was vast in scope?

Remember when you dared to trust?

Remember when you still saw good?

When you looked into a persons’ eyes,

And expected brotherhood?

Now you always expect the worst.

That people are working an angle.

And when you look into anothers’ eyes,

You expect your heart they’ll strangle.

And now you don’t know how to dream.

And hope just makes your heart cry.

For you look in the mirror and all you see,

Is a vessel almost bled dry…

Just waiting ’round to die.

Remember when you used to think,

Someday you’d find some salvation?

And be saved from the death of dreams,

By some empathy or consolation?

Now all you think is that it’s late,

And hopes and dreams: for the young.

And daydream what might have been,

If your dreams weren’t left unsung.

You close your eyes and fantasize,

In your daily dissociation,

About how you and things might have been,

If just one person had offered validation…

Before the eleventh hour.

K. Aldaya,  11/2/14

Picture:  “In the Mirror” by Sad-Cat on Deviant Art: http://sad-cat.deviantart.com/gallery/; http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/135/b/a/in_the_mirror_by_sad_cat-d3geaay.jpg

217. Betrayal

Today I saw across the way,

A little girl all dressed in gray.

She made no sound but seemed to say,

“What am I to do with day?”

tumblr_mhhfreGmFr1ryfc77o1_500

I laughed and laughed, and in the fray,

The sun had set…..now time to pay!

The girl sang out….”Betray”…..”Betray”…,

I screamed, “Go away!”. “Please go away!!”

I closed my eyes, turned in dismay,

And heard a heavy whisper say,

“Did you forget I’d gone astray?”

Crimson tears fell in disarray.

“Sorry”, I cried, as I faded away.

Today as I walked across the way,

My reflection in a glass doorway,

Lay bare vestments of scarlet gray.

K. Aldaya, 06/16/11

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://24.media.tumblr.com/b1607074d0339d7dc2970c7ceee28d73/tumblr_mhhfreGmFr1ryfc77o1_500.jpg

187. What a Fraud!

alone-heart-sad-Favim.com-225105

I deeply hate you for your lies,

You told me that you cared for me,

But as I know well, love dies;

If there was ever such a thing,

Beyond the ageless cries.

How can you laugh and enjoy,

The pained days given forth.

Like a vile soul envoy,

That kills the hope of more.

No I’m not some f***ing toy!

Though thrown out as a whore.

What did I do to deserve,

Being a pawn you play,

To win a better hand serve,

By use of a body:

Simply a first observe,

By one, cold and haughty.

K. Aldaya, 11/21/05

Picture:  Originally from http://fuckyeahtumblraddict.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/225105/

162. Betrayal

ripped-out-heart-image

Your eyes reached deep inside and clasped my heart tightly;

Tinted with crimson blood bore in unparalleled degree.

Igniting: embers set free, in traverse of irksome mud.

Dust and tears combined: Your passion play to win!

Which was drenched upon my soul weighted with unknown sin;

From the sight the eyes begin in search of loves true role.

The torchlight was extinguished by the swampy mayhem,

Of your minds considerations, and the love your eyes condemn.

And my heart-fire in this poem;

Of drowning internalizations,

Is your rejection of my love,

Which left me for dead thereof.

K. Aldaya, 9/9/05

Picture:  “Ripped Out Heart” by Mandy…..?; http://www.layoutsparks.com/1/107179/ripped-out-heart-image.html

134. Consention

tumblr_nnk53kqKyP1ustr4go1_500

You asked me to release my heart,

And let you tear it all apart.

You asked me to give everything,

And let you rape the eminent Spring.

I let you stare.

I let you care.

So I must have let you dare…,

To gather innocence for despair;

To mutilate the distinctions,

Between dream and nightmare.

You asked me to stretch forth my hands,

And let you bury ‘neath times’ sands.

You asked me to sing lullabies,

And let you mute the chanting cries.

I let you see.

I let you be.

So I must have let you free,

To alienate the alienee.

To misalign all truth and right,

Ever absorbed in the debris.

K. Aldaya, 4/17/05

Picture: by ecstasyart on Tumblr; http://ecstasyart.tumblr.com/post/117674003058/i-have-a-hand-you-have-another-put-them-together