494. Autumnmous

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In the fields of youth I wandered alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home;

And though time passes forgetting today,

I’ve still found no place to stay.

Fall comes again, yet never left;

And the ghosts’ whispers leave me bereft.

I am still alive, though dead.

Tell me: Where is the past to rest it’s head?

I walk among the falling leaves.

Every tree cries out and grieves,

For what is gone may ne’er return,

And what is known we can’t unlearn.

In the fields of youth I wander alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home.

Time left me and will ne’er reappear.

Now I’m a ghost, yet I am still here…

Eternally haunting the present;

And no one notices that I’m absent.

So I wander alone looking for home.

I am a child, though my body is grown.

Time keeps on moving forgetting today.

Yesterday’s gone, and there’s no place to stay.

K. Aldaya, 10/6/19

Picture: By: Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/HwZQGB-ZjG4

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493. Exposure

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Exposed.

Shame on display.

Diagnosed: “There you are”.

Now what to say?

Open.

The door ajar.

If you seek, you will find,

Each cut and scar.

Naked.

Nowhere to hide.

What’s visible can’t just,

Go back inside.

Unveiled.

Stain after stain.

Grotesque is the vessel,

Holding the pain.

Published.

Words weaponized;…

Though they aren’t people and,…

Judgment’s devised.

Exposed.

Shame on display.

You know where they live now,

But will you stay?

K. Aldaya, 10/1/19

Picture: By: Alexander Krivitskiy at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/8Z8JijlydJs

492. No Expectations

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You are not a killer,

But you are not my friend.

If I’m hiding from you.

It’s what I have to do.

Run. Hide. Defend.

You are not a monster,

But you are not an angel.

You may not be hunting me,

Though you’ll not guard or help me;

Fight or dispel.

You are not a stalker,

But you’re also never there.

Don’t say I should feel secure.

I know when hard times occur,

You won’t be there.

You are not a villain,

But you are not a hero.

You won’t be there to help me,

To traverse this world safely.

Red: Stop. People: Go!

You are not that evil,

But you are not that good.

So, I can not trust you;

A human through and through.

‘Would’, ‘Could’, and ‘Should’,

Yet none of them mean ‘Do’.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/19

Picture: Noomi Rapace in “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo“; https://clothesonfilm.com/noomi-rapace-in-the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo/

491. Ride

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She’s not the right height,

Though no one seems to notice,

That none of this is right.

“Sit down and hold on tight.”

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She flies from her seat.

No belt or bar’s safe enough,

To keep her on her feet.

*Claps* “What a lovely treat!”

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She’s not the right age.

Her hands, they begin to slip…

Suffering is the wage,

For not fitting the gauge.

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She is unable,

To ride without being hurt.

Don’t assign her a table.

She’s more than a label.

She doesn’t want to ride this ride.

She’s not the right height,

And though no one understands,

That this danger’s not trite.

Risking lives should never be alright,…

In the rush to fill seats, and go…

On with your own.

K. Aldaya, 9/15/19

Picture: By: Annie at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/DurGX0B94mg

490. The Zoo

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Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey see. Monkey do.

You are but one tiny speck,

Inside a cosmic zoo.

Play the part and socialize.

Be the best you can be;

As long as you don’t mope ’bout,

Or wish that you were free.

Entertain. Live and fit-in.

Walk in rounds ’til you’re sick.

Don’t wonder ’bout breaking out.

Fighting instinct’s tragic!

Monkey swing across the bars.

Monkey blind. Monkey sad.

If you’re mere biology,

Existing should make you glad.

Monkey swing…

…Monkey fall.

K. Aldaya, 9/11/19

Picture: By: Chris Yang on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/4CZ4lZGX53g

489. I Know What You Did!

I know what you did.

I just want you to know.

That I know what you did,

And no matter where you go,

The truth will always know.

I know what you did.

With sins, have you been fraught?

The truth which you have hid…

Will you e’er reap what you’ve wrought?

In time, will you be caught?

I know what you did,

And though no one else cares.

I…I know what you did;

So beyond judgments and stares…

I’ll be the one who cares.

I know what you did!

K. Aldaya, 9/5/19

488. Migraine in the Explain

Speak…No one hears a peep…

Inside myself, I fall asleep;

Tired of trying to explain.

I am but a migraine,

Which hurts too much to think.

Mute…No one cares a hoot…

Inside myself, there’s a dispute.

Screams and wishes to explain;

Yet, no one hears a migraine…

They hurt too much to say.

K. Aldaya, 8/27/19

Picture: By: Carolina Heza at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/0lD4hF1fBv0

487. Unwanted

She doesn’t want us here.

She parts the leaves and walks on through,

I wish I could walk in the warm breeze too.

She doesn’t want us here.

She faces the sun to burn sight…

Repeating: She’s,”…glad to live in the light”.

She doesn’t want us here.

She pretends that ghosts are not real,

‘Cause she doesn’t want to see, hear, or feel…

Herself…

She doesn’t want her here.

K. Aldaya, 8/24/19

Picture: By: Nine Kopfer on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/tJC6I9S3nBw

486. The Interminable Case of the Delirious Detective

For me, life is a problem which needs to be solved.

A mistake which needs righting.

A misstep to be resolved.

Howe’er it seems the rest of the world can’t agree,

On whether I’m sleep deprived,

Or am simply crazy.

Whatever is said, I can not help how I feel.

I wish I could be content,

And accept the appeal.

Yet to me, it all feels wrong, damaged, and bizarre.

A puzzle missing pieces.

A beauty with a scar.

A scar: I can’t ignore the pain inflicted there.

Maybe that makes me crazy,

But I can not help but care.

Life is a problem that I want to figure out,

Though no matter how much thought,

I am only left with doubt.

For there is no solution. No answer to right…

The wrongs of existence,

Or bring meaning to light.

Life: It is a problem which needs to be solved, for me,

To be able to get some sleep at night;

So rather, I write on tirelessly,

For insight.

K. Aldaya, 8/22/19

Picture: By: Lai Man Nung on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/6Ptwy-nDnoE

485. Everyone Tells You Not to Die

Everyone tells you not to die,

And then they walk away.

Who should be blamed at the end,

When no one was willing to stay,…

Around.

Everyone tells you not to die,

Yet who’ll help you to live?

Who would stay around and try,

When there’s only so much life to live…

On Earth?

Everyone may say you should live,…

Though most will let you die.

K. Aldaya, 8/21/19

Picture: By: Chuttersnap on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/RlC1eHzJOFI

484. Cornermen

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No one needs you to fight for them.

They need you in their corner.

When they’re knocked down, and can’t get up,

And a loss is almost sure;

When they fear to get back up.

They need you to notice and stay.

To be there no matter what.

Who needs a friend who disappears,

When they get their deepest cut;

When they’re on the ground in tears.

They need you to simply care.

It’s really as facile as that.

Fighters need good corners there,

To help them up from the mat.

To tend to the wounds, but mostly,

To remind them they’ve got fight.

That they’ve got this. That they are strong.

That emotions are not trite…

Over-dramatic, or wrong;

Because falling is not failing,

And needing others isn’t weak.

For life knocks us all down sometimes,

Making us feel small and meek.

Everyone needs help sometimes.

No one needs you to fight for them.

They need you in their corner.

There are victories and defeats,

And oft’times a loss is sure.

Victories may fill the seats,

Yet losses are the surest way,

To assess how brave we are.

The only way to learn and grow,

Is to get out there and spar.

For struggle is not hollow.

Every person should feel assured.

That no matter where or when.

They’ll get through each imminent fight,

Thanks to their cornermen.

K. Aldaya, 8/3/19

Picture: By: Dan Burton on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/vuZi5zk5W-A

483. Strong Mind/Weak Mind: A Story of Success or Failure

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They say a strong body must have a strong mind;

And a strong mind: unstoppable!

However, I feel it is too black and white,

For nothing is ever so stable.

They say a weak body must have a weak mind;

And a weak mind: inadequate.

However I feel it’s never so simple,

And life: far too elaborate.

All bodies and minds have potential for strength,

As well as weakness and failure.

So rather than looking to blame or to praise.

We should embrace acceptance as the cure.

There’s an illusion of control,…though perhaps,

We would best let the fate’s decide.

All humans are both capably strong and weak;

There’s no logic in taking a side….

[Failure]                          [Success]

-Please select one of the above-

(*Warning: Failure to judge others adequately will immediately result in a judgment of failure)

K. Aldaya, 7/25/19

Picture: By: John T on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/ojCHx1YgUeA

482. Take a Deep Breath

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How to explain it? I have not the words.

My brain and body, they are cowards.

How do I explain that feeling inside,

When I’m with others it hurts not to hide;

To run away to the comfort of alone.

The feeling is one that I’ve always known.

A tension…A pain locked in the chest,

Which may only find release and rest,

When solitude (the oldest of friends),

Returns to assuage and make amends.

I long to feel comfort and connection,

Rather, I feel distress and rejection.

Nothing need be said or done,

Yet my head feels pressed against a loaded gun.

The nerves,…the discomfort…the body responds.

The same human body which should create bonds,

Tells me I’m crazy for sticking around;

That there is nothing here to be found.

If only optimism and love were the cure.

Yet no matter how thoughtful, caring, or pure…

The feeling never goes away,…just hides,…

Behind masks and smiles it resides;

Twisting the stomach and wrenching the heart,

‘Til again I lose, and fall apart.

Strength and optimism have their rewards,

Though do not mistake toothpicks for swords.

Strength keeps me going. Optimism’s my friend.

Howe’er there are things they too can not mend.

Please excuse me while I try not to show,

How hard it is to be human and know,…

The pain of never being at ease,

With connections, moments, synergies.

How to explain it? I have not the words.

My brain and body, they are cowards.

As my thoughts live and fight on,

I take a deep breath, and continue along.

K. Aldaya, 7/23/19

Picture: By: Melanie Wasser on Unsplash ;https://unsplash.com/photos/j8a-TEakg78

481. Speak Not It’s Name

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“Shhh, you are speaking too loud!”

They say to me: “Hide in the crowd”.

“Oh, for shame, for shame, for shame.

You should not speak or say it’s name.”

They’ll tell you the criminal’s to blame,

Though talking about it is always your shame.

Hide the pain…move on…let go.

The hurt smile better than they’ll ever know.

Talk, but do not talk too much.

Lie to yourself and others, as such…

‘Cause of shame…

…for shame….

……What shame!

The jungles are savage,

Yet they want you tame!

Shhh…Shhh…

……Speak not it’s name.

K. Aldaya, 7/22/19

Picture: By: Kristina Flour on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/BcjdbyKWquw

480. Go

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Too far away. Who would go?

You can’t reach me.

You can not know.

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Time rode away so long ago.

The sun, it set,

Then came the snow.

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Gone. Frozen in time…afar.

I can not move,

To where you are.

You try to meet me half-way,

But I’m not there. I’m all the way.

Too far away. Who would go,

To where I am?

With other places to go?

Life stops for no one, so I hope you know.

I don’t want you to stay.

I want you to go.

K. Aldaya, 5/31/19

Picture: By: James Hammond on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/alflch2BrgM

479. System Overload

Feeble…Faint…

It’s not real…not real;

Yet your legs have grown weaker,

Finding it best not to feel.

Panic…Pain…

The illusion clears.

No one’s coming to save you.

There is no use for those tears.

Terror…Fear…

That pain in your chest…

It tells you it’s not over.

For a victim, there’s no rest.

Horror…Loss…

There’s no going back.

The program’s installed…running…

And insanity’s the hack.

Empty…Numb…

A system with eyes,

Which carries out instructions…

As it’s humanity dies.

K. Aldaya, 7/10/19

Picture: From Humans; Emily Berrington as Niska; https://giphy.com/gifs/experience-amc-humans-sXhM9f1UIgYW4

478. The Elsewhere

In the stillness of night she leaves,

The world and time behind.

She slips out of her bones,

And deep into her mind;

Where dream and reality meet, and,…

Breath upon breath create,…

Life, in desolation.

Feeling’s merely innate.

A door appears, she touches the knob,

And turns it, but slightly.

With a click, it opens.

She enters and closes it tightly.

Within is shelter, and protection;

Lost,…misplaced from the start.

Yearning becomes misery,

When men forget the heart.

Would you seek and pull her out from there?

Would you tell her she’s wrong?

That she’s better off staying,

And just suffering along?

For who knows what the answer should be,

To loss and sentiment.

If time can’t be rewound,

Should love and safety remain absent?

In the stillness of night she leaves,

To find what can not be.

Life is not fair they say,

And nothing is for free.

So, do not judge as she slips away,

Out of her bones and mind.

Oft’ we must seek elsewhere,

That which we’ve yet to find.

K. Aldaya, 5/25/19

Picture: By Sam Burriss on Unsplash; https://themighty.com/2017/10/how-to-help-dissociative-episode/

477. Flashbacked

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Be careful, she could break with a touch.

Her skin is like glass,

And she feels too much.

Tread lightly, in following her trail.

She’s gone far away,

And her mind, it is frail.

Come quickly, or it may be too late.

Time waits for no one,

And time is our fate.

Talk softly, and don’t scare her further.

She can’t see you move,

Your face is a blur.

Be gentle… She’s meager and brittle.

Her body is old,

But her mind, it is little.

Be careful, she could break with a touch.

Her skin is like glass

And she feels too much.

K. Aldaya, 5/22/19

Picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbPVrZOLO3I

476. Places to Go

I long to escape,

Yet I’ve nowhere to go.

My heart lies on the ground,

Covered over with snow.

I long to fly up…

Upon the winds, and free,

Instead at the window,

I dream of being me.

I long to return,

To the sun and the earth,

Where I feel warm and light,

And every breath has worth.

I long to escape,

Though I’ve nowhere to go;

Yet when winter is gone,

Do not find me and sow.

Please spread my dust out,

I have places to go.

K. Aldaya, 5/21/19

475. Monstrous

You love to laugh at my misfortune.

To watch me suffer and cry.

When I’m hurt or sick, you look away,

And wait ’round for me to die.

You’ve never asked me about myself.

Years, and I’m still the outcast.

You’d rather make up lies and spread them,

Then to get the truth at last.

You’ve stolen from me… Gave me silence.

Ignored, screamed, and called me names.

You’ve never cared how much pain you cause,

And replay those same mind-games.

You know I have no family to care.

There’s a target on my back.

No one will stand up in my defense.

Orphans are soft to attack.

I wonder if you’ll ever fathom,

The use of introspection.

I doubt it, for as it has been said,

Monsters will not stare at their own reflection,..

It scares them too much.

K. Aldaya, 5/19/19

474. Victorious

This world is full of bullies,

Who’ll throw their weight around.

They’ll lack the skill to fight you,

So they’ll cheat and build themselves up,

To throw you to the ground.

No matter what they may say.

The best won’t always win.

Those who fail time and again,

May never get what they deserve.

May never, ever win.

So you should not place your bets,

On who will win one fight,

For the true victor will rise,

Against the odds and vast mountains,

Without a hand in sight.

This world is full of bullies.

It’s not fair, but it’s true.

They’ll find ways to tear you down,

While looking like the noble saint;

And the pure angel too.

Do not be discouraged though.

Fight on… Fight hard and strong!

For no matter the outcome,…

Defeat is but temporary,

And eternity is long.

K. Aldaya, 5/12/19

Picture: Alicia Vikander, Tomb Raider; https://www.trainforher.com/alicia-vikander-becoming-lara-croft/

473. Everyone Picks a Side

I wonder why I question why?

My whole life…over and over I try,

To understand, and bridge the gap,

‘Tween truth and lie;

But it’s all a trap.

When truth is found, it’s rarely heard;

And when lies drift, ears hear every word.

It’s not a question of wrong or right,

Rather what’s most absurd,

Is brought to light.

It’s been said that for evil to exist,

Good men must do nothing,…and insist,

That, “It’s best to just stay out of it”.

Yet if men want good to persist,

They can not simply ignore it.

If you speak, or not, you make…

A choice, for yours, or anothers’ sake.

There is no way to stay out of this,

For every person has a stake;

An opportunity to miss.

I wonder why I question why?

My whole life…over and over I try,

To understand why people look away,

And hold on tightly to every lie;

When all they have to do is play….

Rather than watch from the sidelines;

‘Til all is lost,…and then walk away.

K. Aldaya, 4/30/19

472. The Carousel

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In the carnival of life,

I ride a carousel;

And every seat is full,

As it starts with the bell.

On each horse there sits,

A rider that I know.

Yes, all of them are me;

And all of us must go…

In circles, as we watch the world,

Float by in a blur;

Until the bell rings again,

And we lose a passenger.

One gets off and tries to leave,

But a tether holds them there.

They watch as people pass on by,

And sing out: “Life’s unfair”.

Then the bell, it dings again,

As they go back to their seat,

Thinking: “Life’s chiefly a picture book,

With faces we can not meet”.

Spinning and spinning and spinning…

The world goes round and round.

No, it is not living,

When you can’t stay on the ground.

In the carnival of life.

I ride a carousel.

I wish I could just leave this place,

But the mind is it’s own hell.

K. Aldaya, 4/16/19

Picture: https://gifimage.net/carousel-gif-10/

471. In the Shadows

alternative-black-and-white-blurry-girl-Favim.com-4055695

Eyes look, yet they never see.

They draw pictures,

Yet none show me.

In black and white I hide behind,

In the shadows.

In blurred lines.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

They skim the surface,

Like a stone set free,

To fly ‘cross the surface of a lake,

Then sink carelessly,

Leaving solitude in it’s wake.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

You glance my way,

Yet you don’t see me.

I’m the phantom in the corner of the eye,

That waves hello,

Then walks on by.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

Time passes by,

As you pass me.

I am nothing…a ghost…a mirage,

That haunts your eye,

In perfect camouflage.

Eyes look, yet they never see.

They draw pictures,

Yet none show me.

In black and white I hide behind,

In the shadows.

In blurred lines.

K. Aldaya, 3/28/19

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://favim.com/image/4055695/#

470. It’s Only Fair

black-and-white-girl-nature-photography-Favim.com-356563

They say that life,…it isn’t fair.

That the best of us die young;

And men who live until old age,

Still die with songs unsung.

Yet tears give life to the Earth,

And the dead find a place to lie.

You raped me, but it’s alright;

‘Cause I,… I watched you die.

It’s said that there is a plan,…

Some meaning to it all.

Yet I find it hard to sleep at night,

As people rise and fall.

Will anyone remember you?

Will they laugh or will they cry?

You raped me, and it’s not alright,

Yet I…, maybe I should feel glad,…

For I,…I watched you die.

Did the angels ever get to fly or is it just a tale,

Told by early men who died by both monster and sail?

I do not know much of it,

Though I fear it’s all comforting lie.

Those who hurt, rape, and kill,…

One day they too will die.

Is death the great equalizer?

In death is all made right?

Will the criminals and the victims,

Go together toward the light?

All men are born victims,

And even criminals cry;

And even though you hurt me,

I didn’t want you to die.

K. Aldaya, 3/24/19

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://favim.com/image/356563/

469. Life is a Sick Joke

With good intentions we build,

Lives from dust and ash;

And cling to those walls we build,

As it all goes up in smoke.

For winds change in a flash…

And life is a sick joke.

Build walls high, and build them strong.

Shelter, live, and love with hope.

The storms of time follow along,

Waiting to blow it up in smoke.

There is no reason to curse or hope.

Life’s merely a sick joke.

We erect upon the graves of the lost,

With ashes of hope and remorse.

The ancients’ tears: aren’t they too high a cost,

For our hands to so heedlessly provoke?

As no matter what chart we may course.

Life’s ever a sick joke.

With good intentions we build,

Our lives from bones and breath;

And fight hard, as if the strong-willed,

Won’t burn in flames they stoke.

There is no rhyme to life or death.

It’s all just a sick joke.

K. Aldaya, 2/26/19

468. Step By Step

…And step by step all the birds in the sky,…

Fly by…fly by…

…And hour by hour the hands of the clock,…

Tic-tok…tic-tok…

…And day by day, time flies on and away,…

Away…away…

…And year by year there’s death, then birth,…

On Earth…on Earth…

…And why on why, thoughts built on and on,…

Then gone…then gone…

…And step by step all the birds in the sky…

Fly by……..

Fly by………….

K. Aldaya, 2/19/19

Gif: From Giphy. Original Source: http://radicalblogofawesomeness.blogspot.com/2011/03/shadow-puppets.html?m=1

467. Self-Deception

If you start by believing that something can’t happen,

Then everything becomes a lie.

If you start by believing certain thoughts can’t exist,

Then everyone becomes a liar.

If you start by believing in one perception,…

Well, it’s said there’s no liar like self-deception;

So, why’s everyone else in the fire?

K. Aldaya, 2/18/19

466. I Was Born to Endure Destruction

I was born to endure destruction.

It’s in my nature to survive.

My mind is not immortal,

And it fights to stay alive.

I was born to endure destruction.

When broken…I’d rebuild.

I’ve been demolished many times,

Though I have not been killed.

I was born to endure destruction.

All the pieces left: They are me,…

But you call me a liar,

And reply that, “It can’t be!”.

I was born to endure destruction.

Cracks run throughout my brain.

You may believe it can not be,

Yet those lines kept me sane.

I was born to endure destruction,

It’s in my nature to survive.

My mind is not immortal,

And it fights to stay alive.

K. Aldaya, 1/27/19

465. The Proof’s Missing It’s Pudding

What if in my honesty,

I am not believed?

If someone were to question my reality?

Can truth ever be received,

Without proof and the third-degree?

What if I misword my speech,

And what’s heard’s not meant?

Should I remain silent or cry, plead, and beseech…

The Gods, who will stay absent,

As my honor flies out of reach?

What if in my honesty,

I am not believed?

Am I the fool for truly speaking openly,

Of the plight of the bereaved.

With no corpse to see, and nod: acknowledgingly;

For in acceptance of the truth…

Men want proof…..They all want proof.

K. Aldaya, 1/18/19

464. Never-known

“No one wants me”, was said,

To no one in particular.

Ah, hiding is a fool’s stead,

When no one’s even looking.

Hide-and-seek and disappear,

Forgotten and alone.

There was once someone here,

Whom no one’s ever known.

“No one wants me”, was said,

Somewhere…someplace.

There’s something missing in the head,

That time can not replace.

Hide-and-seek and disappear,

Forgotten and alone.

There was once someone here,

Whom no one’s ever known.

K. Aldaya, 1/8/19

Picture: Image from Among the Sleep; https://store.steampowered.com/app/250620/Among_the_Sleep__Enhanced_Edition/

463. Smoke and Mirrors

“It’s all smoke and mirrors”, the illusionist said.

“What lives in the heart also lives in the head”.

“There is no magic to make you stay,

In one place, or just one way.

You are everything you love and hate.

You are the thoughts you contemplate.

You are young and you are old.

You are meek and you are bold.”

“It’s all smoke and mirrors”, the illusionist said.

“What’s true for the heart, is true for the head;

For just ’cause you are living,

Does not mean you aren’t dead.”

K. Aldaya, 12/30/18

462. The Sinner

Pulled apart. I come undone.

From the start I’m forced to run.

Run from one point to another.

I am me and then the other.

Words confound. I spin in place.

I make no sound. My words: they race,…

Inside myself where they collide,

And try to escape to the outside.

Drained and weak. I grip my heart.

I can’t speak. I’m torn apart.

My heart beats, and beats, and beats,

While inside, history repeats.

Pulled apart. I come undone.

Will this fight ever be won?

For as in war, there are no winners.

There are no saints, only sinners.

K. Aldaya, 12/28/18

Picture: https://rightsinfo.org/excluded-schoolchildren-at-serious-risk-of-knife-crime-and-youth-violence/

461. This is Your Life!

Society wants to throw us away.

“You do not matter”, that’s what they say.

If you ask for some help to get by.

Everyone questions: “What?”…”But why?”.

Society wants to throw us away.

“You are a burden”, that’s what they say.

If you can not hold down a job,

“You are a terrible, lazy, fat-slob!”.

Society wants to throw us away,

“You are worth nothing”, that’s what they say.

Well, you know what? Who cares what they say!

Why should their words matter anyway?

Were they there when you cried on your bed.

Would they care at all if you lost your head?

If you said you couldn’t live anymore,

Would any of them come to your door?

Society wants to throw us away.

“You do not matter”, that’s what they say.

Well, guess what? Who cares what they say!

Whose life is this anyway?

No, not theirs…today’s your day!

“Your life matters!”,…

That’s what I say!

K. Aldaya, 11/12/18

Picture: https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/sexual-abuse-sexual-shame-and-sexual-addiction/

460. Autumn Reverie

The leaves, they always danced for me,

Like ghosts at a haunted ball;

Maybe that’s why I always went,

For walks more in the Fall.

The ghosts seemed almost happy then,

As they drifted to and fro;

And I wondered if it was all for me,

Or they had some place to go?

Either way, it made me smile,

As they pranced across the ground;

Spinning the leaves in circles ,

As I lightly skipped around.

I liked to think they knew that I,

Thought about them often;

And perhaps they were smiling too,

To know not all of the world had forgotten.

For there they were, and there I was,

And although we could not touch.

I felt them, and they felt me,

And though it may not account for much…

The leaves, they always danced for me,

Like ghosts at a haunted ball,

And I’ve always been invited,

To attend each festive fall.

And dance, and smile, not just for me,…

….but for us all.

K. Aldaya, 11/5/18

Picture: http://wallpaperswide.com/autumn_walk-wallpapers.html

459. Keep on Moving

Keep on moving, moving, moving.

Fate is cruel,

And worth reproving.

Keep on trying, trying, trying.

Life’s unjust,

There’s no denying.

Keep on going, going, going.

The point:…

There’s no way of knowing.

Keep on fighting, fighting, fighting;

Be it by pen,

Then keep on writing.

K. Aldaya, 10/30/18

Picture: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/passion-is-where-the-power-is

458. Runaway

My body fights while my mind runs away.

How can I get it to stop running, and stay?

My body, it lives, though my mind…it plays dead;

And quite convincingly, acts as brainless instead.

You do not know me…as I am not there.

I hide and you do not notice or care.

You call me a moron for being unaware;

As I run further away in despair.

What can I do? And what can I say?

To make my restless, broken soul stay?

I look out, trapped behind my eyes,

And it’s no longer me who hurts or cries.

My body fights while my mind runs away;

Though sometimes I wonder…why should it stay?

K. Aldaya, 10/25/18

Picture: http://discovermagazine.com/2012/jul-aug/05-ways-to-leave-your-body

457. Unconnected

You talk to me and I listen.

You smile,…yet I feel sad.

I talk, and you don’t hear a thing;

The connection’s always bad.

You look at me, and I at you.

You move, and I stand still.

I see you, yet you don’t see me;

And I fear you never will.

K. Aldaya, 10/23/18

Picture: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-28677217-phone-receiver-hanging-off-hook-public-box

456. *Static*

*Static*……………………………….”Hello?”

“She’s not here.”………………”Not here?”

“She’s missing.”………………..”But where?”

“In the basement.”…………..”But why?”

*Sobs*………………………………..”Don’t cry.”

“They left her.”…………………”Who did?”

“Everyone.”……………………….*Static*

K. Aldaya, 10/2/18

Gif: https://giphy.com/gifs/noise-static-nihilminus-3o85xuOopcjqT2AgzC

455. Hidden

There are passions hidden inside,

In chests locked and dusty.

I wish I didn’t have to hide,

All the best parts of me.

It’s not as if I chose to leave,

Parts of my heart behind.

It’s not as if I didn’t grieve,

And fight back with my mind.

My passions were taken from me,

By life’s consequences.

I can’t fix what’s happened to me,

Or live in ‘past tense’s’.

If I could make a net to cast,

Into the sea of thought.

I’d ne’er have let them swim on past;

Yet, it is all for naught!

I can not fix my skittish brain.

There is no pill or cure;

Though I wish I were not insane,

‘Want’ won’t make it occur.

I opened up the chest last night,

In dreams, I came to life.

I sang and it was all alright,…

Then wept for my lost life.

No one will ever know the me,…

The me which could have been;

She had passions you’ll never see,

But some dreams can’t happen.

There are passions hidden inside,

In chests locked and dusty,

And if I may, I’d like to confide,

That sometimes I will take the key,

And open them up for a time.

K. Aldaya, 8/27/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/key-open-castle-close-close-up-1422806/

454. A-part

I float away…all day…everyday.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

I am me…”I agree”…”I agree”…

Yet,…”I disagree…I’m not free to be me…

Fully”.

I want to do…what I want to…see it through;

But, I can not do what I want to…plans fall through…

The cracks.

I am there…everywhere…and no where.

I float in the air of time in despair…neither here nor there…

A piece.

I’m only ever part of me…one me…not every me.

I always find I disagree…with me…and me…and me…

In part.

I can not stay…this way…or that way.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

K. Aldaya, 8/12/18

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk/single-post/2016/12/31/What-does-your-online-presence-say-about-you

453. Dust Yourself Off

I hate when you treat me nicely.

I hate when I start to believe.

I hate that I set myself up again,

To question reality.

I hate that you’re not a monster.

I hate that I can’t run away.

I hate that I will walk closer to you,

And put myself in danger.

I hate that life’s not black or white.

I hate that I do not hate you.

I hate that nothing is ever simple,

And that none of this feels right.

I hate that I can not trust you.

I hate that to trust is a trap.

I hate that I try, and hate that I care,

When I really don’t want to.

I hate that you don’t really care.

I hate that it’s all a mirage.

I hate that I always hate myself more,

When again you leave me there…

…in your dust.

K. Aldaya, 8/11/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/iraq-sandstorm-weather-man-80329/

452. My Heart is Where You Are

I hear your voice call out to me,

For where you are, is where I’ll be.

No matter how near or how far,

My heart is where you are.

I see your face in all my dreams,

For time is never what it seems.

No matter what the hour may be,

Your smile is what I’ll see.

I feel the warmth of your embrace,

For your taction makes my heart race.

No matter how the wind’s may chill,

Your life will warm me still.

I sense your soul, it’s always there.

You’re in my heart and everywhere.

No matter what occurs tomorrow,

Where you are…I will go.

I hear your voice call out to me,

For where you are, is where I’ll be.

No matter how near or how far,

My heart is where you are.

K. Aldaya, 8/10/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/balloon-heart-love-romance-sky-1046658/

451. Freak of Nature

You look at me like I’m a wall…about to crumble.

You step back…once…twice…always,

Then turn away while I rumble…

And fall to pieces.

You look at me like I’m a dam…about to rupture;

Then you tell me to be strong,

As you gossip ’bout my structure…

And I flood and drown.

You look at me like I’m a storm…about to transpire.

You run as far as you can;

And as my footing becomes dire…

I up and vanish.

Yes, I’m the freak of nature everyone passes by.

I tumbled down. I sank beneath. I blew into the sky.

No, No one ever said: “closer”…

They just waved goodbye.

K. Aldaya, 8/1/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/alone-walking-night-people-city-764926/

450. Villains

In the story of my life,

You are the villains;

The plotters. The schemers. The bringers of strife.

You praise your heroism,

In dealing with me,

While pointing out flaws and enacting schisms.

You would only have loved me,

If I’d have earned it;

For you praise the motto: “Nothing is for free”.

You hold out expectant hands,

Awaiting some gold.

Oh, how is it not one of you understands?

I shouldn’t need earn the right,

To be loved like you.

Existing does not need a permit you write.

I’m sure you’d act shocked to find,

You’re drowning in sins.

Yet, of course you will all pay no nevermind.

After all, you are the villains.

K. Aldaya, 7/13/18

Picture: https://www.pexels.com/photo/attractive-beautiful-beauty-black-and-white-594421/

449. I Say Too Much. I Say Too Little.

loud

I say too much.

I say too little.

I never say what’s right;

Walking the line with all my might.

I say too little.

I say too much.

I never say enough;

Acting as strong and playing tough.

I say too much.

I say too little.

I never say what’s heard.

Truth is oft’ an offensive word.

I say too little.

I say too much.

I never say what’s good;

Hiding ‘neath social-conduct’s hood.

I say too much.

I say too little.

I never say what’s apt;

‘Tween truth and lies, I am trapped.

I say too little.

I say too much.

I never say my piece,

For if I speak my pains’ increase.

I say too much.

I say too little.

I never say what’s right.

Loud or silent, I climb the height…

To the middle……………………………………………..of nowhere.

K. Aldaya, 7/11/18

Picture: http://sturgispubliclibrary.blogspot.com/2018/03/toddler-story-time-loud-and-quiet.html

448. Replicant

trailer_poster_wide

I didn’t want to be someone,

I hardly recognize,

Yet pain, it changes everyone…

In time.

Every day I am further from,

The soul I used to be;

Closer to who I have to be…

To survive.

The tragedy of life is that,

Time changes everyone,

And one day when we look in the mirror we don’t recognize…

Anyone.

So here I am: A replicant,

Of who I used to be.

I want to live, but yet I can’t;

So I live on, not as me,…

But as you.

K. Aldaya, 7/6/18

Replicant

Picture: Alicia Vikander in Ex Machina; http://exmachina-movie.com/

 

447. Much Too High a Cost?

keep-your-coins-i-want-change__880

If I am but a beggar,

And no one will grant me coin,

Am I lost?

Is living, much too high a cost?

If I don’t have the answers,

And no one else does either,

Am I lost?

Is living, much too high a cost?

If I can not find the way,

And there are no directions,

Am I lost?

Is living, much too high a cost?

If I can not find myself,

And no one else will seek me,

Am I lost?

Is living, much too high a cost?

If I can not save myself,

And no one else can save me,

Am I lost?

Tell me do some lives, have much too high a cost?

K. Aldaya, 6/27/18

Picture: By Banksy; https://www.boredpanda.com/social-issues-street-art-bansky-london/

446. Beyond Reach

flower-reaching-beauty-pink-hand-trees-nature-beautiful-relaxing-welness-feng-shui-wallpaper-galleries

I wonder if ’twere better to be blind?

For we see beauty ne’er to be touched,

And human souls ne’er to be reached.

Why?….Oh why, is existence so unkind?

To grant us sight of what will not be.

To pull back what dangles before us;

As we reach with all of our might.

I wonder if ’twere better not to see,

That which is beyond our reach?

K. Aldaya, 6/22/18

Picture: Posted by Odette Baudouin on wpnature.com; http://wpnature.com/reaching-beauty-pink-hand-trees-nature-flower-beautiful-relaxing-welness-feng-shui-computer-desktop-wallpaper/

445. If I’d Have Had Your Love

I’d have been a good daughter,

If I’d have had your love.

I’d have done anything for you,

If I’d have had your love.

I could have endured anything,

If I’d have had your love.

It all would have been okay,

If I’d have had your love.

If I’d have had your love…

…It would have been enough.

K. Aldaya, 6/17/18