454. A-part

I float away…all day…everyday.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

I am me…”I agree”…”I agree”…

Yet,…”I disagree…I’m not free to be me…

Fully”.

I want to do…what I want to…see it through;

But, I can not do what I want to…plans fall through…

The cracks.

I am there…everywhere…and no where.

I float in the air of time in despair…neither here nor there…

A piece.

I’m only ever part of me…one me…not every me.

I always find I disagree…with me…and me…and me…

In part.

I can not stay…this way…or that way.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

K. Aldaya, 8/12/18

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk/single-post/2016/12/31/What-does-your-online-presence-say-about-you

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453. Dust Yourself Off

I hate when you treat me nicely.

I hate when I start to believe.

I hate that I set myself up again,

To question reality.

I hate that you’re not a monster.

I hate that I can’t run away.

I hate that I will walk closer to you,

And put myself in danger.

I hate that life’s not black or white.

I hate that I do not hate you.

I hate that nothing is ever simple,

And that none of this feels right.

I hate that I can not trust you.

I hate that to trust is a trap.

I hate that I try, and hate that I care,

When I really don’t want to.

I hate that you don’t really care.

I hate that it’s all a mirage.

I hate that I always hate myself more,

When again you leave me there…

…in your dust.

K. Aldaya, 8/11/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/iraq-sandstorm-weather-man-80329/

452. My Heart is Where You Are

I hear your voice call out to me,

For where you are, is where I’ll be.

No matter how near or how far,

My heart is where you are.

I see your face in all my dreams,

For time is never what it seems.

No matter what the hour may be,

Your smile is what I’ll see.

I feel the warmth of your embrace,

For your taction makes my heart race.

No matter how the wind’s may chill,

Your life will warm me still.

I sense your soul, it’s always there.

You’re in my heart and everywhere.

No matter what occurs tomorrow,

Where you are…I will go.

I hear your voice call out to me,

For where you are, is where I’ll be.

No matter how near or how far,

My heart is where you are.

K. Aldaya, 8/10/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/balloon-heart-love-romance-sky-1046658/

451. Freak of Nature

You look at me like I’m a wall…about to crumble.

You step back…once…twice…always,

Then turn away while I rumble…

And fall to pieces.

You look at me like I’m a dam…about to rupture;

Then you tell me to be strong,

As you gossip ’bout my structure…

And I flood and drown.

You look at me like I’m a storm…about to transpire.

You run as far as you can;

And as my footing becomes dire…

I up and vanish.

Yes, I’m the freak of nature everyone passes by.

I tumbled down. I sank beneath. I blew into the sky.

No, No one ever said: “closer”…

They just waved goodbye.

K. Aldaya, 8/1/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/alone-walking-night-people-city-764926/

450. Villains

In the story of my life,

You are the villains;

The plotters. The schemers. The bringers of strife.

You praise your heroism,

In dealing with me,

While pointing out flaws and enacting schisms.

You would only have loved me,

If I’d have earned it;

For you praise the motto: “Nothing is for free”.

You hold out expectant hands,

Awaiting some gold.

Oh, how is it not one of you understands?

I shouldn’t need earn the right,

To be loved like you.

Existing does not need a permit you write.

I’m sure you’d act shocked to find,

You’re drowning in sins.

Yet, of course you will all pay no nevermind.

After all, you are the villains.

K. Aldaya, 7/13/18

Picture: https://www.pexels.com/photo/attractive-beautiful-beauty-black-and-white-594421/