244. Black & White

tumblr_inline_mg07nbSWHu1qeptf3

Black and white.

Cold and fright.

In the dark….it’s cold.

On the face………….it’s white!

Black and white.

Cold and fright.

In the night,….the dark and light,

Give-in to the fears in flight,

From the memories: ………..black and white.

K. Aldaya, 7/24/13

Picture:  Kim JaeJoong; Photographer Unknown; http://media.tumblr.com/155765ee66440f1dc78a2fd4ebdd547b/tumblr_inline_mg07nbSWHu1qeptf3.jpg

Kim Jae Joong
Kim Jae Joong
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243. Live for the Moment

rainy_night_by_gmk9vii-d8djhcj

Late I lie when all are sleeping.

In my bed tossing and stressing.

I try to think not ‘gain of weeping,

But my mind won’t listen.

I cannot run from the reelings,

Of life movies inwardly playing.

Cannot stop or destroy the feelings,

Which torture yet again.

The pain of living with the truth,

Bleeds me dry, until I lie,

Closed-off and aloof;

I am the walking dead.

I long to get it out of me.

The shame and pain and memories.

There is no way, don’t you agree?

To save my soul anyway?

I could bleed it out my veins.

I could bandage and heal it,

But the truth is as long as I have veins,

The pain will be there too.

Only a moment would I find relief,

By taking care of outwardly-pain;

Then later, heal, and feel only grief,

That the mark is gone.

As I still feel the pain…didn’t heal at all!

No matter how much I bleed it’s there,

So what can I do?  I have to live or fall.

A moment longer.  A moment.

I must live for the moment or die.

Let it all out and cry.

K. Aldaya, 07/23/13

Picture:  “Rainy Night” by GMK9VII on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Rainy-Night-506473363

242. My Own Little World

noheroics

Sometimes I can’t live here anymore.

I have to feel something.

In this world I can’t be weak.

I cannot show my wounded core.

I cannot be a freak.

And so sometimes I have to fly,

Into fantasies and plots,

Constructed from favorite movie scenes;

A main character am I,

On which the conflict leans.

I am strange and am a freak,

And for that reason I am hurt;

But I am important to the play.

There I am saved though weak.

There a freak can save the day!

So I am hurt by the villains,

And then rescued by the heroes.

The heroes understand my pain,

And thus seek revenge on the villains.

The villains mustn’t cause further pain!

I will help since I am a freak.

In movies the freaks are special;

And with my powers and strength,

I do not have to think twice.

I save the day with all of my strength!

I am rescued from pain and torture.

Loved when I never was before.

I am no longer a freak or whore,

And am able to use my strangeness to cure,

The ills of the world, and order restore.

Sometimes I can’t live here anymore.

Where I am a freak, and not special at all.

Where I was not rescued and nobody cared,

And the villains escaped long, long before;

And really I am just a freak and a whore.

K. Aldaya, 07/04/13

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/underwire/images/2008/09/26/noheroics.jpg

241. Anxious Truth

article-2047778-0E53136900000578-403_964x703

Something’s not right!

Can’t you feel it?

Something is wrong…..

It doesn’t fit!

This life it’s all wrong!

Can’t you sense it?

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Broken.  Distorted.

Can’t you hear the song?

I can’t sleep ’til I fix it.

I’ll fix it right now.

I have to help everyone!

I cannot allow,…

This wrong to continue;

But to stop it….how?

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Broken.  Distorted.

Can’t you hear the song?

Everything’s wrong!

Everything’s bad!

Please help me stop it!

I must fix or go mad!!!

There must be an answer?

Please it’s just too sad!

This life…, oh God…., this game, so….

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

And in truth…..

It’s been rigged all along.

K. Aldaya, 06/25/13

Picture:  by Anka Zhuravleva from her series “Distorted Gravity”: http://www.anka-zhuravleva.com; http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/10/11/article-2047778-0E53136900000578-403_964x703.jpg

240. Insane Blood

Dr.-Blue-Jones

I lie on the gurney,

The doctor looks at me with disgust and annoyance;

And don’t you agree?

That I’m shameful and dirty?

In every degree?

Drawing out my blood.

The doctor starts filtering but there’s a problem!

Out pours a filthy flood!

A murky mess of disgrace.

A door opens.  A thud.

A shrink walks inside.

Revulsion and repugnance were worn on his face.

He diagnosed, “MAD!”,

That my blood’s too infected,

Slutty, black, and bad.

No filter could clean,

All the filth of my past and my mind; a disease.

The infection’s obscene!

Poisoning my plasma with offense.

It’s too late to convene!!

“Your life it’s a shame,

You will always be seen as damaged and decrepit.”

“Never be seen the same;

As the culprit is not here,

Only you’re left to blame.”

“Your blood is a stain,

On our entire way of living and society.”

“We’ll have to detain;

Lock you away where none see,

That ‘they’ made you insane.”

K. Aldaya, 06/21/13

Picture: from Sucker Punch: Oscar Isaac and Emily Browning; http://cineleet.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Dr.-Blue-Jones.jpg

239. Pathetic

Drowning_by_madelaines

I’m not a human.

At least not to you.

Outside I look human,

But inside I’m blue.

So blue you will drown,

If you look too deep.

Don’t bother to know me.

Just call me a creep!

Just push me away!

Call me names……hurt me!

Stab, kick, and break,

Until I drown in my own sea.

And as I fall down….

As I fade away…..

“She was weak and pathetic”,

That’s what you’ll say.

K. Aldaya, 05/28/13

Picture:  “Drowning” by Madelaines on Deviant Art; http://madelaines.deviantart.com/art/Drowning-61567330

238. Inside My Head

room-with-bed-fineartamerica.com-GaryHeller

Inside my head.

A couch.  A bed.

A world.  A dream.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A girl.  A ghost.

One hiding.  One host.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

She’s tortured.  She’s dead.

Over and over…

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A shadow.  A man,

With perverse plan.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

He haunts.  He hunts.

He torments.  He affronts.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A blackness.  A shape.

A darkness.  A rape.

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

A demon.  A hell.

Fear; despair dwell,

In my head.  In my head.

Inside my head.

As I lie down in bed.

Wake to the dread…

In my head…

…..In my head.

K. Aldaya, 04/25/13

Picture: by Gary Heller; http://www.garyhellerphotography.com/album/abandoned-places?p=1#25

237. Cannot Live

should_i_give_up_by_ineedchemicalx-d4dhemr

I cannot live.

I cannot die.

Can’t say hello,

Or say goodbye.

Can’t stay silent,

And cannot fret.

Cannot remember.

Cannot forget.

I cannot join,

Or isolate.

I cannot love.

I cannot hate.

I cannot sing.

I cannot cry.

I cannot live,

Yet,… I cannot die.

K. Aldaya, 4/14/13

Picture:  “Should I Give Up” by iNeedChemicalX on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Should-I-give-up-264511827

236. Dissociative

dissociation__by_MaxTheSpaztastick

What words?

Why bother?

Mean nothing.

Don’t convey…anything.

Shut down.

Close out.

Cannot feel.

Can’t express.  No appeal.

Too much.

Too deep.

Bleeding out…

Silently.  Life fades out.

What words?

Why bother?

Don’t exist…

Never did.  Why persist?

Shut down.

Close off.

Hide inside…to exist…

to hide….and hide….alone.

No confide.

No words….,

So hide.

K. Aldaya, 04/05/13

Picture:  “Dissociation” by MaxTheSpaztastick; http://www.deviantart.com/art/dissociation-56008447

235. What is This?

Reaching_out_for_love_by_kjherstin

Why is it that I feel so happy when you’re near?

When you notice me, look at my face,…

And just in that you’re here?

Is something wrong with me that I want your attention?

When loved and love is it yet not enough?

Is that why I crave your affection?

I hate myself for caring when you are not around.

Am I that pathetic that I can’t be content standing on the ground?

Do I need to fly?

To leave the confines I am in?

Do I long be an angel or seraphim when I am but a human?

I do not deserve this much attention,…I know that…I do,

Yet I want your love. I need your love.

I feel I’ll fade without you too.

Does that mean that I love you?

In caring that you’ll leave?

And in knowing that one day when you do,

I will cry and your loss grieve?

What is love exactly?  How do I know what is love or not?

Is love what I feel when I’m with you?

Or is it the attention which is sought?

All I know is that you confuse me….

I question everything.

My heart is like a puppet manipulated by your string.

And if you someday don’t care anymore, or don’t notice me.

Will my heart fall never to be moved or will it finally be free?

K. Aldaya, 03/22/13

Picture:  “Reaching Out For Love” by kjherstin; http://kjherstin.deviantart.com/art/Reaching-out-for-love-58708494

234. Just Another Broken Soul

broken_soul_by_andygoth666-d4nh06t

I don’t know why I bother.

I write. I weep, in vain.

I’ll never be able to express or convey,

What’s pounding in my brain.

I say a word or maybe two.

You’ll nod your head, “Ah yes!”,

“I understand”.

And I will nod, “Sure…yes”.

But the truth is that it angers me.

How patronizing can you be?

You know nothing of my life,

And I’m glad for it not to be!

You’ll never understand what it’s like to cry….,

Cry away years of your life.

To linger, strive, hurt, and bleed,

The blood from your own knife.

To only know that pain because,

It’s all you’ve ever known;

And never trust joy or happiness,

Forever feeling new and unknown.

But it’s my fault because I was,

Born to take a breath,….to walk.

Born a toy for everyone.

Toys don’t get to fight back or talk.

Toys are made to be used and trashed,

When all the fun is through–a waste–

Of others time and lives…

A regret. A purchase made in haste.

But as I’ve said it’s my fault,

And my place in time and guilt.

If I don’t get over it,

It’s more guilt upon guilt.

Those who damage and destroy,

They get off scott-free –no responsibility;

While I must take responsibility,

For everything which was done to me.

I know what I’m supposed to say.

I know what I should do,

But it would only be because,

I was told it’s what I should do.

I don’t believe that I’m stronger,

Or believe I’m now wiser or better.

Is this Masochism 101?

Must I learn to love pain to be better?

I know it’s not what you want to hear,

And so you may no longer listen;

But yet I still must say it because it’s the truth.

I beg you, listen!

I will never be okay and it is not okay!

I won’t lie and say it’s fine as if it never happened.

Nobody wins and there’s only destruction.

I will hurt until the end.

For a broken soul may never mend.

K. Aldaya, 03/20/13

Picture:  “Broken Soul” by AndyGarcia666 on Deviant Art; http://andygarcia666.deviantart.com/art/Broken-Soul-281289269

233. Random Thoughts #7

Short Thought

Everything I do is wrong.

Nothing is ever right.

No matter what they say….or I do,

The sun will never rise at night……..,

I’ll never be alright.

10/2012

crazy_girl_by_natalevi-d4zx6oc

Sarcasm

I like that I am crazy.

Crazies have more fun!

I’m happy that I’m crazy,

Just don’t hand me a gun!

I’m suicidal constantly,

There’s another voice just for that.

One for self-harm, one meek,

And maybe one a cat?

I like that I am crazy.

Crazies have more fun.

I’m so happy that I’m crazy.

The fun, fun, fun, fun, fun….bang…

I’m done.

K. Aldaya, 03/2013

Picture: “Crazy Girl” by natalevi on Deviant Art; http://natalevi.deviantart.com/art/Crazy-Girl-302199564

232. A Sick Joke of a Poem

everything_dies_by_msdudettes-d5iwsd9

What is the point?

Tell me what could it be?

What could be the use of life so lone and empty?

I’m tired of trying to lie to myself.

This life of a prison suffocates me!

Hate my body.

I despise all the games.

I’m tired of playing all these filthy games!

I love my family so much it hurts.

The joy I find in them hell quickly claims.

No matter what…

No matter what I do;

They will die, or I, and time will fade what we knew.

No longer will I hold them or see them.

E’er left with bitter-dreams of phantoms I once knew.

It is all wrong!

I have to fix this joke.

What a sick f***in’ joke this is…A sick joke!

How can I enjoy what will not last?

Love deeply this flower….now watch it choke?

K. Aldaya, 09/13/12

Picture:  “Everything Dies” by thefoxandtheraven at Deviant Art; http://thefoxandtheraven.deviantart.com/art/Everything-Dies-334093725?q=sort%3Atime%20%28%28everything%20dies%29%20AND%20%28by%3ATheFoxAndTheRaven%29%29&qo=0

231. Needy

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Please see me….really see me,

And help me to stand.

I need you so deeply,

You don’t understand!

Sometimes I feel abandoned,

When you don’t see my pain.

I long to cry: “Don’t leave me!”,

But don’t want love in fain.

I long to be beautiful,

And worthy of embrace.

I long to be so special,

Your eyes will never leave my face.

The truth is I’ll never be,

As special as I need.

No love will ever be enough.

Never full….I feed and feed.

So empty inside. An empty void.

A vast and broken soul.

No love could ever fill it in,

Or make it new and whole.

I’m not special.  Just a freak.

Too needy to feel love.

The pain will always be too great,

For me to rise above.

Please help me,… for right now,

I cannot feel your love!

K. Aldaya, 09/11/12

Picture:  “A Broken Dream” by ageai; http://www.deviantart.com/art/In-A-Broken-Dream-11058263

230. Let Go of the Past

beach-bluex-clouds-girl-light-Favim.com-229854

It’s often said, “Let go of the past”,

So that you may live free;

But what a lie this statement is!

What distortion of truth!

Everyday I try to hide,

Or run, or disagree;

Yet everyday the past appears,

Pursues, and stands with me.

“Let go of the past”…Oh what a lie!

It won’t let go of me!!!

K. Aldaya, 06/18/02

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/229854/

229. I Am Shame

What to do?

Tell me how to,

Lose all this fretful shame?

Suppressed and masked,

Through time in same.

In death my life has passed.

Try to bury,

In cemetery.

It haunts me in the gloom;

Whispering of sweet-death,

And trading life for doom,

With each gasping breath.

Depression724311

Try to free.

To let it be.

To get it out of me.

Truth is truth, even when,

It’s hard to have to see.

Please….don’t look at me then!

What to do?

Tell me how to,

Repel the guilt eyes’ impart?

More shame for shame;

For in letting guilt depart,

I burn in your lit-flame.

What to do?

I have no clue.

I am shame and am ashamed.

I exist whether liked or not;

Am made more when I am blamed.

For inside his body is fraught,

And is screaming from the relentless onslaught.

K. Aldaya, 05/23/12

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://www.mensxp.com/images/article/health/Mental_Health/Depression724311.jpg

228. The Alien’s a Freak

My pain I cannot express,

Nor does it matter to try.

No one will ever see what I see,

Nor through my heart cry.

lonely_face_female_flowers_portrait_fear-ab71497f84ea996e815eda6fb9f8257d_h_thumb

By expressions I am outcast.

By skin I am judged.

My soul, an alien, a freak,

To which I am misjudged.

Different is always punished;

No matter how it came to be.

If changed by others or made so,

Aliens deserve to die or flee.

Flee and hide away inside,

And change the form to seem,

Just as every other human being.

To live,… to survive this hellish dream.

But tell me is it really living if one must hide from everything?

K. Aldaya, 01/16/12

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/36285/

227. Dancing Bones

Tools_for_Survival_by_xxtechnoxluvxx

Quickly. Run as fast as you can!

Faster. Faster.

Do anything you can,

To breathe, yes, one more day;

And avoid the fast-looming disaster.

Move. Move your hands and move your mind.

Do now. Right now.

Focus on what you find.

Think not of lacking air.

Keep smiling,…walking, talking anyhow.

Busy. Keep busy and avoid,

Feeling. Sensing,

Lungs to which you’re devoid.

Pretend you can breathe yet.

No one will know if you don’t stop to sing.

Keep on moving. Run faster still.

Hide-out. Hide-in.

Hide away so no one will…..

Notice you’re not breathing;

For you’re nothing,

But dancing bones living in skin.

K. Aldaya, 01/06/12

Picture: “Tools for Survival by xxtechnoxluvxx on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Tools-for-Survival-129480051

226. The Basement is My Home

creepy_basement_by_creature_of_habit_22-d4ezhub

The basement is my home.

It haunts me when I’m away,

And chills me to the bone.

The basement is where ‘she’ lives,

And where the ‘demon’ lives.

I’ve heard dog bark at his voice;

Though near the door will never roam.

The basement is my home.

I close doors to hideaway,

But the voices won’t leave me alone.

The basement is where ‘her’ voice,

And where the voice of horror echoes;

Whispering: “I’m still here…..hear?….

Come down to my vast catacomb!

The basement is my home,

And home to silent screams.

A dark penetrating moan,

And horrid silence….a silent drone.

Frozen with fear: dead-inside,

I forever roam…..

A world of endless doors,

All leading to my basement home.

One day I’ll have to return home,

Chained for all time,

Afraid and alone.

K. Aldaya, 01/03/12

Picture: “Creepy Basement” by DevilishInk on Deviant Art; http://devilishink.deviantart.com/art/Creepy-Basement-267035411

225. Doll Face

broken_doll_by_ikanji-d5ti7sf

Doll face.

Pretty doll.

Cute face.

Crawl….crawl.

Dirty face.

Bawl…and bawl.

Smudged face,

At night’s fall.

Shadow face.

Cringe and bawl.

Wet face,

‘scape the maul!!!

Cracked face.

Lost eyeball.

Doll face.

Broken doll.

Ugly face.

Appall! Appall!

Bloody face.

Masks may wall,

From disgrace.

Clown-face?

Can you recall?

The former beauty of your souls’ broke-face?

K. Aldaya, 12/27/11

Picture: “Broken Doll” by iKanji on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Broken-Doll-351889647

224. I Fall Alone

Alone-girl-sadness-cute-in-forest-lonely

Nobody can help me.

I’ll always be alone.

Nobody can save me,

From the nightmare of it all.

Nobody can see me,

When I cry, and scream, and call.

Nobody can hear me.

In this pit of misery I fall….

Forever fall alone.

Nobody can help me.

I’ll always be alone.

Nobody can save me,

From the darkness which encroaches.

Nobody can touch me, hold me, and need me,

As time reproaches.

Nobody can shut out what I see,

As time, in loved-ones, steals from me….

And poaches…

Every joy;

While I lie alone….Forever, fall (to the grave) alone.

K. Aldaya, 12/26/11

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BSVVQ-Qvw-M/UX5kVQC6TpI/AAAAAAAABy8/cmblY9NUAzE/s1600/Alone-girl-sadness-cute-in-forest-lonely.jpg

223. Chaotic

River Tam

I want to know.

I  have to know.

I need to know everything.

I will fight and ne’er will rest,

Until I know and sing:….

You cannot get away with it,

For I know everything!

I don’t want to know.

I just cannot know.

I don’t want to know a thing.

I will hide and e’er will rest,

Pretending not to know a thing.

Nothing happened. Not a thing.

No…..Not anything.

Open your eyes and see.

Close your eyes and flee.

I want to cling…I must know,…

No! Not know!

………..All I want is to bring,

Order to the chaos,…. in everything!

K. Aldaya, 12/23/11

Picture: from Serenity: Summer Glau as River Tam; http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xfHjU-Pwxbg/TbLcAMwH0DI/AAAAAAAAAS8/eXpoGAIw8f0/s320/River%2BTam.jpg

222. An Illusion

amour_de_pierrot

Eyes used to the darkness,

Are blinded by the light.

Mouths used to cold,

Will find the hot a painful plight.

Ears used to shrill tones,

Still hear ringing in dead-night.

Noses used to smelling death.

Smell with no corpse in sight.

Hands used to feeling pain,

Will cringe feeling soft, despite.

Souls used to unhappiness,

View happiness an illusions’ invite.

K. Aldaya, 12/20/11

Picture:  “L’amour De Pierrot”, Artist Unknown; http://www.blacksunsoftware.com/pics/illusion/amour_de_pierrot.jpg

221. O’ Pretty Little Thing

4655914640_888667c445_o

O’ What a pretty little thing.

How do you not, now know?

That you are here to bare your self;

Naked. Soul-aglow.

Porcelain skin and glazed, glassy eyes,

Gaze a world of whips; chains.

Hands are icy-cold, stone’lly things;

This you’ll learn in pains.

O’ What a pretty little thing.

Dance and spin ’round for me.

For I am master. You the slave.

Ah, dream of what will never be!

Only the sweeter to taste….touch….

When lips meet each new crack.

My doll you steadily break way,

To each piercing whack.

O’ What a pretty little thing.

My favorite little toy.

Stop escaping from our play times,

And in pain find joy.

Soon, my dear, you’ll be so ugly,

From all your hopeless dreams,

That I will have to leave you ‘lone,

To drown in your screams.

O’ What a pretty little thing.

My broken little doll.

Savor the torment and the care,

Damaged toy so small,

For that is what you were made for;

To give pleasure to us.

To play and cry blood-tears for us,

And ne’er make a fuss.

O’ What a pretty little thing.

Black-fractured porcelain doll.

Now I must leave you,

(Didn’t listen….so freed you)

To hang by the neck on my wall.

You could have accepted your place,

But you had to dream more.

Now you’ll be broken forever.

Toy doll turned a criminal and whore!

K. Aldaya, 12/15/11

Picture:  Artist Unknown; (Some writing in corner but can’t make it out?) http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4029/4655914640_888667c445_o.jpg

220. I’m a Fake

tumblr_loqikjPEYG1qm7cyoo1_400

Speak.

Words removed.

Sudden release.

Burdens proved.

Speak….

Regret swift.

Fake again,….

Pretend lies drift!

Speak,

No! No sound.

Or ye shall,

Be assuredly drowned.

K. Aldaya, 07/02/11

Picture:  “La Dolorosa” by Victoria Frances: http://www.victoriafrances.es/en/; http://www.victoriafrances.es/en/gallery/favole-3-frozen-light/

219. Lolita Fashion

Frilly lace.

Cupcakes and toys.

Bows in place.

Resplendent joys,

In childish grace.

Japanese women dressed in Lolita fashion walk in front of the venue of

Petticoats.

JSK’s and OP’s,

With sugarcoats,

Or antique keys.

Feminist beauty promotes.

Only oneself to please!

Gothic_Lolita_Goes_Happy__by_KaraKATAD

K. Aldaya, 12/24/11

Pictures:  1. Photographer Unknown; http://chipskjaa.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/lolita1.jpg

2. “Gothic Lolita Goes Happy” by KaraKATAD on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Gothic-Lolita-Goes-Happy-124176248

218. Faceless Foe

229308__shadow-man-hands-silhouette-drops-glass_t

Today I’d really like to know,

How does one face a faceless foe?

Where can I go?

What can I do?

When past is behind, and although,

I know it’s there (fleeing to-and-fro).

How can one view,

In the dark, black and blue?

K. Aldaya, 06/20/11

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://images.forwallpaper.com/files/thumbs/list/22/229308__shadow-man-hands-silhouette-drops-glass_t.jpg

217. Betrayal

Today I saw across the way,

A little girl all dressed in gray.

She made no sound but seemed to say,

“What am I to do with day?”

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I laughed and laughed, and in the fray,

The sun had set…..now time to pay!

The girl sang out….”Betray”…..”Betray”…,

I screamed, “Go away!”. “Please go away!!”

I closed my eyes, turned in dismay,

And heard a heavy whisper say,

“Did you forget I’d gone astray?”

Crimson tears fell in disarray.

“Sorry”, I cried, as I faded away.

Today as I walked across the way,

My reflection in a glass doorway,

Lay bare vestments of scarlet gray.

K. Aldaya, 06/16/11

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://24.media.tumblr.com/b1607074d0339d7dc2970c7ceee28d73/tumblr_mhhfreGmFr1ryfc77o1_500.jpg

216. Goodbye World

I’m tired of trying to explain what I know;

What I see.

What I sense.

What I feel.

What nonsense!

Only I can know since our souls do not show.

It’s important to me that at least some can know,

What is there.

What is me.

What is right,

Least to me;

So to show what I know of why my soul could not grow….

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……….Goodbye world you know.

K. Aldaya, 06/02/11

Picture:  by George Grie: http://www.neosurrealismart.com/modern-art-prints/?biography/; http://www.neosurrealismart.com/3d-artist-gallery/3d-artworks/3d-fantasy-art/353d-Final-Frontier-B.jpg

215. Masquerade

You wonder about what you see….

If real or merely facade?

But what would you say if I told you,

These masks were given by God?

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There is no choice….to live is to lie.

We all sit and grin while we wait here to die;

And into our hearts, with each smile and nod….cry.

K. Aldaya, 05/27/11

Picture:  from The Phantom of the Opera (2004); http://www.misti-con.org/2004_the_phantom_of_the_opera_003.jpg

214. Scream or Shout

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So many thoughts inside my head,

But how to get them out?

I wish I knew, or had one clue,

As to how to scream or shout!

All this pain locked away,

Since the dawn of time.

My skin is pain, although in vain,

I ask to know my crime.

Rock is cold and has no soul,

And feels not pain or sorrow.

How is it then, my skin feels it when,

My soul hides deep in marrow?

So many thoughts inside my head,

But how to get them out?

They hide behind, walls of stone and bind….

My tears:  They scream…..they shout!

K. Aldaya, 05/23/11

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.free-hdwallpapers.com/wallpapers/abstract/173332.jpg

213. Incomplete Expression

through_the_looking_glass_by_LanWu

My extremities stir when whispered my thoughts,

Exploded from the cages of dark confines thus;

To tickle the skin ’til it bares and it bleeds,

The truth of the home it possesses and feeds.

If only my hands could write out what they feel,

And my mind, what it thinks, and it knows, and it hides;

And the soul that I am find the freedom at last,

From this body, alone, and incomprehensibly vast.

K. Aldaya, 2009

Picture:  “Through the Looking Glass” by LanWu on Deviant Art: http://lanwu.deviantart.com/; http://i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo335/Isalie/Anime%20nice%20pics/through_the_looking_glass_by_LanWu.jpg

212. Home

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When hearts are a-lit,

In the earliest dawns;

They burst out like stars,

In darkest of midnights,

Resplendently glowing,

Forsaking ‘forgones’.

A-lighting the way,

Toward a place to call home.

When days are young,

The hours seem vast,

An infinite wave,

Of ebb and flow passed,

Into the ‘morrow,

Imprintedly-cast,

On grains as they fall,

Through the minds endless ocean……alone.

K. Aldaya, 2009

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://hdwallpaper.freehdw.com/hdw001/morning_purple_sunrise-wide.jpg

211. Beauty

Prescience of quotidian enchantments:

The dreams one dreams ‘fore dawn.

Flowers, stars, sun, and moon,

Would seem form’laic were thee gone.

Thy face illumes the perfunctory tides,

Of apathy…, banality;

For if striven assiduously,

Smiles freely radiate from thee.

Myopically one cannot do much more,

Then love this deb’nair season.

For one dreams, hopes, and loves more,

Near thy beauty past all reason.

K. Aldaya, 2008

210. My Gift to You

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I cannot give you everything.

The stars I cannot reach.

A mortal am I and one day I will die;

Just as those whom in prayers we beseech.

I cannot give you gold and jewels,

Or titles and castles.

I will though give, what I can as we live,

Together as earthly vassals.

I cannot give you perfection,

If such a thing there were.

Capricious. Perfidious.

And a ‘God’ lifes’ one comforter.

I cannot give you everything,

Yet this I give to you.

A hope.  A prayer.

A joy, and a care.

A promise to look after you.

And forever give, should I now die or live,

All the love which my heart could now or ever give.

K. Aldaya, 4/12/08

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://blog.myheritage.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/1221258221F3Les7b.jpg