208. A Lovers’ Dream

Mine eyes emerge from the chalice of dreams,

Drunk is the heart, as a lover, it seems.

Thy flesh is aglow as the glisten of dew,

Every morn, as thy face shines anew.

Enigmatic beauty in thy form,

Clouds all logic,

O’ thy presence is warm.

I care not of ‘morrow or any swift sorrow.

Thy life is my life, and thy strength I may borrow.

My lips cascade thy cloth-less, soft expanse,

Endless intoxications, to entrance.

For when morn turns to eve, and night to day,

I know not the reasons, but only the way;

That thy life fills my life,

And breathless I stand,

With my heart, thy heart,

And my hand in thy hand.

K. Aldaya, 04/10/07

207. I Waited, Yet You Did Not Come


I waited, yet you did not come.

I wondered why, when it was done.

‘Twas too late for regrets.

‘Twas too late for the sun,

To shine and luminate darks’ frets.

I waited, yet you did not come.

I wonder why, now that it’s done.

Where were you when I cried…for comfort,

And from the one…,

From the one I love and hold?

O’ where were you, my love, my love,

When I died?

K. Aldaya, 01/23/07

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmZBaVpCbXZRM3hHZFVtMzAtaDhuWlEAAAACaWQKAXgAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg

206. Honor



Devoted to the code.

Don’t roil me up or payment will be your soul.

For honor is manifest,

In each deads’, deep-black, dug-hole.


Truer than the truest,

Conditions of…

Of life and love: to rise above,

The tragedy;

Be much more,

Then all wisdoms and vict’ries thereof.


Don’t you dare tear it down!

For protection’s reassured with life and limb;

As honor is fought and bled,

With fervent and blustering-hymn.

K. Aldaya, 9/20/06

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbnails/574425-bigthumbnail.jpg

205. Freedom to Fall


Years ago I wrote…

Wrote of emptiness;

And though I do not quote,

I find hence no progress.

Not that I have or not,

Still carried on in same,

I only know that I cannot,

Continue to stay-on the same.

I laugh at you,

You laugh at me,

Consummating not, with felicity.

I love, am loved I,

As may be merely dreamed,

By mortals daft as I,

Under the skies the ancients’ streamed.

I know and know not,

How to seek out my own,

How to love when I am not,

Clasp strength when I’m alone.

Fear holds me in,

And comfort holds me out,

And my face in the mirror’s but a shell of self-doubt.

I am but a love and a hope,

For the world of tomorrow,

And conquests I elope,

As mine in joy and sorrow.

I may be not, and I may be all,

But the beauty comes,

In the freedom to fall.

K. Aldaya, 12/10/06

Picture:  “Top of the World” by Emerald-Depths (Danielle) on Deviant Art: http://emerald-depths.deviantart.com/; http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/217/5/5/top_of_the_world_by_emerald_depths-d59vdo6.png

204. Content


The wind is blowing softly,

With the scent of the coming fall.

I yearn for it,

And hope for it,

As never I have before.

The anger I knew once,

A focused beam of strength;

And everyday, yes every day,

I pray my blessed-thanks.

“You’ll be okay”,

“You’ll be alright”,

Whispers in my ears;

From out the peace,

Which does not cease,

Between the earth and me.

You’re free.

You’re free!

And you can be,

All you choose to be!

For in the present,


I’m content to be me.

K. Aldaya, 9/05/06

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xrBZH-rXkMQ/T51Oaxg4L0I/AAAAAAAACRY/B6O1YC8bv4Q/s400/girl,sun,pretty,running,freedom,sunlight-fb8641fa231ee1cbdd389e2f773a1b3b_h.jpg

203. The Vanished


Walking I once found a lair,

A lair so dank and bleak,

That every soul which did approach,

Vanished for none to seek.

No man or beast could e’er be found,

From out the door which stood.

Cloistered in a barren-world,

A world of thought and wood.

A world of selfishness and greed,

For perseverant were its’ beings,

In keeping out the door found where,

Life and death met like two streams.

Their eyes were closed as they walked,

So ignorance could still be bliss,

And as bodies floated by and by,

The bodies rose with a kiss,

Into the door to die.

K. Aldaya, 11/10/06

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g99/DarkDewer/dark-forest-night-image.jpg

202. A Wish


If in wishing I could have a wish,

A wish no more, no less,

Then all the wishes of the ages,

Be they for hindrance or progress.

Be they by serfs or lordly men,

If such a wish were granted me,

I’d wish…yes, I would wish,

For not more, and not less then,

Not less then a mirror reflection,

A wish,

Of who I am, and was, and be.

I wish….

I wish…to know me!

K. Aldaya, 9/17/06

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://globallightmindsdailyinspirations.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/i-am-in-the-grateful-flow-of-the-universe.jpg

201. Blood’s Thicker Than Other Blood


With resolve we climb our mountains,

Eyes opened to the sky.

Never stopping once to question why.

Duties of the generations,

Doubly bought and bled for,

And believed as more then old shed-lore.

Straight incoherent loyalties,

To people, thoughts, sights, sounds,

Delusions of what in life compounds.

Human souls are not possessions,

Or their labors and skin.

Not by blood, or purse, or condition.

Untrustworthiness with others,

Is surely ‘nough to drive,

Rebellion and logic into the head to thrive.

Respect, kindness, and clemency,

Should be the character,

Deemed to be valued in portraiture;

And for the ages handed down,

As presentation of,

What the word “family” means:  chosen love.

Love is not conditioned or set,

As some rigid mountain.

For love is lost when self-interest,

Is the only plan.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/06

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://blog.internations.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/International-friends.png

200. A New Day


The drawn-out night has met its’ end,

And the daylight burns its’ memory.

With every moment black descends,

Into shadows and fantasy.

The dawn is here,

The sun is near,

To basking all the earth and sea.

We walk along our lonely roads,

The roads set out for us.

As rays parade the rocks and stones,

The shadows fade from us.

We glance behind.

Hear: “No more rewind!”,

And turn to greet our destinies.

K. Aldaya, 6/20/06

Pictures: Photographer Unknown; http://www.fotothing.com/photos/ebd/ebd556d700b9e5c075c476bb15b5ecdb.jpg

199. The Not Long, Long Lost, Longing Song


Longing….that it were an idle thing.

Forsaking love, and truth, and light.

It is not right, for that a plight,

Should delve into a silent desperate prayer.

Yes sing, oh sing!…

Decadently….that be not spent vilely.

Emphatic whispers, whispers, whispers,

Heired to blundered brain-bestirs;

Mixing, mis-fixing, and plainly nixing,

What should and shouldn’t be.

Overtly….that in sight one may see,

Privations of what could…could be.

“If only” contempts of contagion set free.

Longing….that it be not long, the cure,

For what cannot be.

K. Aldaya, 7/26/06

Picture:  Performance in the Bolshoi Theatre from Alexander II Coronation Book of 1856; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Performance_in_the_Bolshoi_Theatre.JPG

198. Longing

Skeleton at window

Our little lives,

Our daily lives.

So lonely they….not far, not close,

Every day,

Ah, just a dose.

Little lives they,

Daily lives, they,

Separate from wants.

Not wrong, not right,

Just apart…

Ah, the loved-hearts’ plight!

Our little lives,

Our daily lives,

Away from our loves.

Not lost, not found,

For love’s hidden,

Where longing is found.

K. Aldaya, 5/25/06

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.divorcecollaborative.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/skeleton-waiting.jpg

197. Masters of Fate


Fate controls our destiny’s,

And destiny’s our truths,

But never will it e’er control,

The worth of men or dynasties!

Mind’s create our raging thoughts,

And thoughts our engagements,

And engagements our fates,

Of squandered ‘remembers’ and ‘forgots’.

Emotions control our wants,

And wants our emotions,

But fate thwarts everything,

And controls and taunts.

Control, controls our fate,

And fate our destiny’s,

And destiny’s our truths-in-head,

And the wants within the head,

To emotionally create fate.

Ah, why men say, “We choose our fate!”.

K. Aldaya, 05/08/06

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.topnews.in/health/music-brain-hemispheres-sheds-light-schizophrenia-215694

196. The Great Inundation


Days of light, and black of night,

The endlessly faded-years,

Arise in mind, the wish to find,

The ground unwashed with tears.

Shadows of night,

Flashes of light,

Drip in and out the eyes.

What can I say of where I’ll stay,

When rivers run and rise?

Wooden floors, and creaking doors.

I do not dare to linger more,

For waters-rose, sift through the toes,

And send shivers before.

I do not wish to make a splish,

And out of door make ‘scape.

I only ask, what is my task,

For drying times’ landscape?

I know this house has been a house,

Through myriad ages and storm-rains.

What is, just is, and what is…,

Has left me with these pains.

Give me a firm place to stand firm,

Within the flood-torn remnant thoughts,

Of the mind, which I still find,

O’er-run and soaked with fraughts.

K. Aldaya,  4/20/06

Picture:  “Flooded Subway-Murder” by etwoo on Deviant Art; http://etwoo.deviantart.com/art/Flooded-subway-Murder-174655998

195. You Hold My Heart


You hold my hand and hold my heart,

When it fights and beats you back,

And though I feel your heart may lose,

I don’t want my heart back.

My heart is but a gray mirage,

Of one I should have known,

And can one e’er hope to possess,

Something they’ve never known?

Sometimes I feel you care too much,

This all will end wrong, so…

Why chance such a beautiful heart,

On one which may not grow?

Still, you hold my hand and hold my heart,

When it fights and beats you back,

And though I feel your heart could lose,

I don’t want my heart back!

K. Aldaya, 04/13/06

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsxqp2ZKCO1qzy3mjo1_500.jpg

194. A Moments Peace


Look to see.

Not I. Not I.

With infirmity of hand and eye,

Can see and tell,

What’s near.

What’s nigh.

Below the drifting, fleeing sky.

Look to see.

The knots and knots,

Binding bones within their slots.

Still. Silent. Still.

Have-nots. Will-nots.

Conform at will.

Look to see,

Not I, but I,

With elder-pen and bloodshot eye,

Bound in an out,

Can break and sigh,

For a peace both near and nigh.

K. Aldaya, 4/11/06

Picture: “The Open Sky” by foureyes on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/the-open-sky-2681736

193. Eternal Love



A warm hearth-glow,

Deep, deep inside,

Not tangible….,

But found far below.

Where it can hide,

And remain forever,

A distant reminder,

When time fades away.

That to love, is to live,

And to love is to stay.

For love is eternal;

As winds would ne’er dare,

To put out a flame of such hope and such care.

K. Aldaya, 3/26/06

Picture:  “Love Couple” by BiH-Serbia on Deviant Art; http://bih-serbia.deviantart.com/art/Love-couple-292733355

192. Nothing


I am nothing, and nothing will I be.

The world cannot create a joy,

Where none was meant to be.

Though to myself I may want life,

Life may not want me;

To e’er be fully-happy.

Though this itself is but a lie,

As fleeting as our lives,

For who can ever hope to die,

Having seen through heavens’ eyes?

O’ God why give life so devoid,

To beings who know its’ loss?

Where happiness: merely a dream,

Can’t be held-firm, time-across?

What then makes us keep going?

When nothing’s all there is?

When nothing’s what you get?

When nothing’s gained in end?

Just nothing…..nothing.

K. Aldaya, 2/20/06

Picture: “Twist in the Dark” by Nicola Bertellotti; http://derelictmetropolis.tumblr.com/post/33052711013/twist-in-the-dark-by-nicola-bertellotti

191. Love is Such a Dismal Thing


Love is such a dismal thing but why is it thou so?

When all we do is separate the word from what we know…,

To be the hope for what may grow?

To be more then the cost given of the pervading years.

More then all we come to call our lives of o’er-spent tears.

O’ is love salvation for the tears?

Or just a hope to grant us years?

Love is such a dismal thing but why is it thou so?

When love is the only true thing on Earth for hope to sow…,

To nourish us so we can grow?

Then why is it love feels so wrong?

Shouldn’t it feel okay?

To feel, and hope, and know love,

Just for the word we say?

As more then other words could convey?

For more then what may come our way?

For love is such a dismal thing but why is it thou so?

When all we do is separate the word from what we know;

To be the hope for what may grow?

K. Aldaya, 1/27/06

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://www.glamquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Lost_love1.jpg

190. Eye-light

Max and Liz3

Captured in your raptured-glare:

Eyes of light and love.

I find therein a path to walk,

As those of gold above.

A firm and steady road of earth,

Previously unknown of.

Blossoming-trees serenade,

With pastel-petal,

Beyond which lies a tranquil-stream,

Sparkling with waters cool;

And reflecting in sun-shadows,

Our silhouettes fascicule.

To touch waters there which flow,

Is to touch silk-pure,

Of a sapphire-blue so lavish,

As to surely deter,

One’s eyes from straying ‘way the scene,

Of the love your eyes infer.

K. Aldaya, 12/28/05

Picture: Roswell: Jason Behr and Shiri Appleby; http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PA4w178vPPc/TyW04cs9jMI/AAAAAAAAGvA/TqwI_nvn648/s1600/Max%2Band%2BLiz3.jpg

189. Love, Loves Misery


How can you tear me down and then say,

“I love you, my darling”, as night turns to day.

Progressively painful vulgarities thrown,

From out your cavalierly-placed throne.

Love should not cause a heart pain as this,

Torturing ’til tears burn and dismiss,

The knowledge of love incinerated;

Then ask me to love where no love’s been created.

The tragedy’s that I care, though you kill;

Demolishing constructions at will.

Burning houses just built to stand,

Against the assault of your next reprimand.

K. Aldaya, 12/25/05

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://data.whicdn.com/images/22478399/28f273b9e0ffd544410d90c0f6ec8072_large.jpg

188. Exploration of the Evidently Hidden


When you look at that face,

Can you see there disgrace?

Of the ancient days past,

Pushed down without trace;

Recollections aghast,

Etched into a face?

Beyond the known surface,

But clear more or less,

In outwardly appearance:

Eyes fraught with distress.

There for all to sense.

When that face you doth see,

Would you there then agree,

That the life there imposed,

Upon the skin which ye,

See in form transposed,

Is the face of the end,

Of times we all tend,

To cover with false flesh,

Must transcend…must transcend…

The falsities we mesh,

With hours, days, weeks, and years,

The compounding, it sears!

Now no more, yet much more,

Then we there place in tears.

Hidden where none do implore.

K. Aldaya, 12/11/05

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://img5.visualizeus.com/thumbs/58/b8/eyes,eye,green,magic-58b8090052213eee254d9c83bc65473d_h.jpg

187. What a Fraud!


I deeply hate you for your lies,

You told me that you cared for me,

But as I know well, love dies;

If there was ever such a thing,

Beyond the ageless cries.

How can you laugh and enjoy,

The pained days given forth.

Like a vile soul envoy,

That kills the hope of more.

No I’m not some f***ing toy!

Though thrown out as a whore.

What did I do to deserve,

Being a pawn you play,

To win a better hand serve,

By use of a body:

Simply a first observe,

By one, cold and haughty.

K. Aldaya, 11/21/05

Picture:  Originally from http://fuckyeahtumblraddict.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/225105/

186. Indispensible Notion


Exhaustion of changeless-thoughts,

Memories and emotions,

Which never give the heart room,

To live beyond its’ notions.

Tired of trying to change the rules,

Which were laid before the start,

As there was ne’er and option there,

To reject one’s own heart.

The horrid contradiction,

To hate but have to love,

The one thing that creates the hate,

Though was once destined for love.

K. Aldaya, 11/15/05

Picture:  Originally from http://effondrement.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/54105/

185. Heart Aversion


I fear that you don’t love me,

Or that you never did.

No conversations or expressions,

As your emotions are hid,

And I’m lost in transgressions.

Have not the words to tell you,

What is in my thoughts,

And unsure as to intentions,

Behind your inner thoughts;

Distracted by attentions.

There are things on your mind,

But you won’t let me in either.

So I can’t tell if you do care,

Or if not, or neither.

Can’t you put your heart out there…

‘Cause mine is already there.

Oh, don’t you even care?

K. Aldaya, 11/12/05

Picture:  “A Distant Figure” by larafairie on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/A-distant-figure-67889481

184. Conditional Love


I could proclaim a million times that I love you,

But it still wouldn’t change a thing;

And you’d still make me sad and rejected,

By words you say with a sting.

You tell me you want me around ’cause you love,

But you show it not by your actions;

For you tell me you worry about me,

Yet then lash out with bitter-shuns.

Why are you always so completely self-pitying?

I know you have troubles, as most do,

But why then would you make another,

More unhappy then ever were you?

Why can’t you just be happy for me?

As life is going well for now,

And I want my future to be different,

To be as auspicious as time will allow.

I know you only love me when I’m doing,

Something for you….then it’s love.

I’m tired of this consistent charade,

Of conditioned-love…

I want to rise above!

K. Aldaya, 11/7/05

Picture: “Rejected” by Alyssia-Teddy on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/rejected-46355178

183. Note to Self: That’s What You Get


Why can’t I forget those days?

Those lingering memories: a phase,

Of life so long since passed.

Though hours and years have flown away,

The visions burn and steadily prey,

Upon my undead soul.

None bring up, but sights remind,

That the past is well behind,

Yet still so felt and real.

Hate is there for its’ own sake;

Hating the hate that lies awake,

To chaos hope with guilt.

Hate and love both held within,

Wailing loud of selfish sin.

Who cares how things had been!

This life is hard for everyone.

Isn’t mine just another one?

Lacking a strong spirit?

Weakness and self-pity there,

Deep in my mind, create despair.

Unwarranted. Unjust.

I’m the real freak and con,

The one who cannot move on.

Who keeps evil alive.

I deserve what I feel here,

Every pain and every tear;

Figments of a horrid head.

I cannot forget those days.

Dreams and memories a haze,

Of pre-tarnished truth.

Nothing will e’er change what be,

Within a heart that cannot see,

That it should settle for,

Deserving pain forever.

K. Aldaya, 11/4/05

Picture:  “Can You See The Ghost? IV” by AlexandraSophie on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Can-you-see-the-ghost-IV-165270619

182. To a Friend…


I know your fear, my dear.

Of being ‘lone within this world,

When everything’s of black and drear,

And there your heart a-swirled,

Is in struggles of despair.

A heart given is found,

To want none other, once it’s found,

A place inside….a flowing ground…

Of endless enchantments which pound,

Within veins of crimson blood.

Yes, I know you bleed my dear,

With scarlet agonies of loss,

For hearts are resting places near,

All that is the soul and boss,

Of loves’ enriching clarities.

You may be thus lost right now,

And feel you’re all alone in pain.

As no one could ever know how,

It feels to bear hearts’ broken stain,

On your souls’ experienced truth.

But just remember that you can’t,

Change those who hate to make them.

You deserve more than to chant,

And live over your love to them,

Who can’t be made to understand.

So, no matter what happens,

Don’t waste your heart on one,

Without the needed comprehends,

To see your love’s the real one,

And not just some battle to be won.

You shouldn’t settle for second place,

In any battles waged with cost,

If true-love he’d risk all to race…,

To your side whatever’s lost.

So please, my dear, don’t settle there,

And let your heart wither to dust.

K. Aldaya, 10/26/05

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://www.savelovetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/heart-broken.jpg

181. Doors Oft’ Lead to Nowhere


I pray this will not end the same,

As all things have before,

For I can’t take another fall…,

Close yet another door.

I’ve not the strength to walk again,

The endless empty corridor,

And op’ another unknown door,

Just to be left a whore.

A whore head-filled with ideal dreams,

Of given love received,

And given back with no expense,

Love there not deceived.

So ask me not to invest hence,

My heart unto your cause,

If you’re lost as to whether,

Concordance is without pause.

But still I pray this will not end,

A dream may be more yet!

That I may leave this doorway,

And prostitutions forget.

K. Aldaya, 10/25/05

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/p480x480/314894_473340722694940_393520269_n.jpg

180. What a Guilty Game You Play My Dear


How many times must you speak of all your sacrifices?

I know you truly have a heart, but venality your soul entices,

To onus all who hear your call;

With guilt it does impart.

No matter I still care to fix.

Make it right somehow.

But how, O’ how can this be done?

For continuity won’t allow,

The soul to free and finally be….

A persons’ life begun.

K. Aldaya, 10/21/05

Picture:  Uploaded on Photobucket by ezz_0; Photographer Unknown; http://i774.photobucket.com/albums/yy24/ezz_0/Guilt.jpg

179. Present Realities Have a Tendency to Change


Oh, how has time flown on so fast?

We shall not know ’til our breaths’ last;

When we’ll transcend its’ confines.

Our spirits but dark shadows cast…

Just brief once-spoken lines.

We must not let our shadows fall,

Before our hearts be free to call;

Echo: “A life was lived!”, throughout,

Every sculpted corridor and hall.

So it’ll linger soft and devout,

In the constructs of existence,

We know…but soon will doubt.

K. Aldaya, 10/19/05

Picture:  Originally on http://theuberblog.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/184721/

178. Contingent Affair

What is real my love, my love,

When death and life are here to dwell?

When enemies are accomplices?

Playing games of hate and love,

With us, my love, in heav’n and hell?


What is true my love, my love,

When lies are but degrees valued?

When sun and moon, day and night hang,

Up in the same vast, lonely sky?

Where we, my love, as falling stars,

In the affair intrude.

K. Aldaya, 10/16/05

Picture: Pride and Prejudice: Keira Knightley and Matthew MacFadyen; http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25000000/Darcy-and-Lizzie-Ballroom-pride-and-prejudice-men-25049609-600-391.jpg

177. Bloodwork


Nothing I say means one bit to this world,

Or anything on it which dwells.

For eyes which can see,

May not read what doth be,

In the ink-work that on paper quells.

Words may have form and a structure to glean,

But what of the hand which was moved?

To flow and work out,

Scripting as monks devout,

In pursuit of a burdens’ remove?

Yea, O’ to you, who care not what and who,

Has drawn out blood in a known spread,

To show the soul pain,

A person’s heart and brain,

And close your eyes whisp’ring…

“Tears aren’t shed”.

K. Aldaya, 10/14/05

Picture:  “Hush” by Nelleke on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Hush-422553246

176. Have it Your Way


One more day. One more day.

Then time will find,

That stalking one more day…

Would be pointless.

One more day. One more day.

Escape will find,

That it is something we may…

Have to end this.

One more day. One more day.

Then time will end.

For this soul, black as coal may,

Finely get just what it wants,

And have just one more day.

Finely, have its’ way.

K. Aldaya, 10/6/05

Picture:  “Clock” by Bernard Jaubert: http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/bernard-jaubert.html; http://fineartamerica.com/featured/clock-bernard-jaubert.html

175. Loves’ Lie


Why did you lie?

I asked you to tell truth.

I can’t take your sh**,

I can handle the truth!

You used me….and left me for sh**!

Why did you lie?

We were friends first and why,

Would you ask me to care,

Then take it, swift, back?

More lies are what my heart can’t bear.

Why did you lie?

I’ve been right all along.

Unlovable. Feel stupid,

For thinking one moment,

Love was something my soul could once bid.

K. Aldaya, 10/5/05

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://www.whatdoesitmean.com/wta3.jpg

174. No One’s Really Listening Anyway

You cannot handle the concepts I give;

In the context of this existence…,

Blinded. Selfish, ’cause you want to live.

Vampire Diaries, Episode 222

You cannot take the truths I know.

Self-preservation’s only human.

You blind yourself to what you should know.

You cannot grasp, and do not care to.

Doesn’t matter if truth is acknowledged;

Shut-out. No matter where, or from who.

K. Aldaya, 10/3/05

Picture: Vampire Diaries: Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder; http://static.tvguide.com/MediaBin/Content/110418/News/4_thurs/110421VampireDiaries1.jpg

173. Where Lie the Dead?


Tell me, O’ where lie the dead?

Ah, they, they are everywhere.

Carried on wind, here and there,

Where’er their restless souls are led.

Tell me, O’ where lie the dead?

They sleep in the trees.

Float on moonlit seas.

The universe is their immortal bed,

Slumbering: memories in head,

Batting live-skin with eyelashes of dread.

K. Aldaya, 9/28/05

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/3939b4e1-f8dc-48db-a39c-501275b0f8d0/054e1831-5918-4b67-be14-d33e3f9f55e0.jpg

172. Random Thoughts #5

Twisted Game

Sometimes I feel this must be one sick game.

To see how many times the heart can break, before it dies in shame.

Make us feel at one moment, loved and cared about,

Then lose everything and all purpose doubt.

Compounded Insults

You don’t know….though I wish you did,

The insults pulled-out from where they hid.

Piled up tall in the shadow of years,

In note of consents for all of the fears.

K. Aldaya, ’05

171. Heroes


Heroes are to me a source of courage.

They embody strengths to live on the verge,

Of heartache, and troubles, but look always,

Up to the sky….and the hope of new-rays.

For they see not the end but the start of each new day.

They lead us to feel thus, in every way.

Not with their actions, though they are there,

But with their mere presence in this life that we share.

K. Aldaya, ’05

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://www.pehub.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/sunrise-nov-1-300×200.jpg

170. The End is Near I Fear


My hand…look…fast is waning,

No more refrain from word-straining.

For the end swiftly approaches.

Expressionisms flow, in draining,

For sorrow encroaches.

Oh, how steady on its’ course,

We lose and then regain our source.

But hence I fear it will ne’er return,

Dripping-composure off-course,

May have no yearning to return.

K. Aldaya, 9/27/05

Picture:  “A Lady Writing” (Close-up) by Johannes Vermeer (1665-66); http://www.essentialvermeer.com/catalogue/lady_writing.html#.VULKsJO8jGs

169. Question


Question: “Why me?”

I know you’ll say, “Why not?”,

But honestly, “Why me?”

Why an overcrowded lot?

When over there’s an empty one,

Why consistently my lot?

Don’t answer again, “Why not?”

Statistically improbable,

Is the chance to pick one place,

‘Til it is over-full,

And completely out of space.

When right there’s an empty one,

Almost yearning for used-space.

Why mount me up with such disgrace?

Question: “Why me?”

I know… I deserve it.

But why pleading daily,

For mercy’s earned-pit,

To swallow built-up griefs,

So high no more can fit?

Then again I’m unfit…,

To judge “Why me’s” the universe does permit.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/05

Picture:  “But Why??” by SpellboundMisfits on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/But-Why-105393250

168. Complaints Are For Those With Nothing to Complain About


Don’t complain to me ’bout your life.

You have friends and family true.

Don’t tell me you are in such strife,

When so many care for you.

I have no one but myself.

My family and friends a-few.

Each only seem to think of their self.

A life so completely not like you!

I have no one. None at all,

To give strength to grasp the wall,

So I won’t perish in this fall….

Down a hole you wouldn’t fit through.

K. Aldaya, 9/23/05

Picture:  “Falling Down The Rabbit Hole” by Bradi Wells on flickr; https://www.flickr.com/photos/bradi/2797166439/

167. Written In the Stars

Tree Silhouette Against Starry Night Sky

The stars on this eve,

Endless and vast, radiate;

With acceptance and light,

For whatever’s my fate.

Be it low. Be it great.

My yearning for reason,

Endlessly brings me out,

Into the darkness of night,

Seeing stars and worlds we doubt;

Though they’re always about.

Glistening in each eye,

As stars in this black-sky,

Are the flows of why….oh why?

Must I cry and die,

Alone beneath the sky?

No connections made,

Or constellations love-laid.

No compassion. Encourage.

And further lights fade;

For sore punishments paid.

Stars befriend sight,

With steady understanding.

For they know why I’m here,

Pleasant and ne’er demanding.

Never screaming nor commanding.

Stars do remind me,

Of what I truly am.

A lowly hint of glow,

Out of line with times’ program.

I sunk….then I swam.

For stars on this eve,

Endless and vast radiate,

With acceptance and light,

For what’s surely my fate,

Ever low. Never great.

K. Aldaya, 9/22/05

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://amazingpics.net/content/Lovely%20Forests/forests%20138.jpg

166. I Guess You Really Don’t Care


Did I hear you wrong or something?

I thought I heard you say you care?

And I would have given anything,

To hear it said again somewhere.

What has changed from last we talked?

You used to speak and share?

Now all you have done is walk,

Many times past me while I stare.

Why are you so distant now?

You used to touch my hair.

You hardly even touch me now;

Seem to forget I’m there.

You once told me you cared to know…

Everything ’bout me, made aware?

So why did you so quickly sow,

The seed of “I don’t care”?

K. Aldaya, 9/17/05

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; https://lhueagleeye.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/halfwaybetweenthegutter-wordpress-com.jpg

165. A Purpose

Someone once asked me,

What I thought,

Our purpose was to be,

With life given us free?

What’s the conclusion to be sought?

What matters most to thee?

I replied that: “Living…,

To me is much more,

Then just love for living.

Its’ for always giving,

Conclusions built from loves’ out-pour…,

Steady and forgiving.”

K. Aldaya, 9/17/05

164. Be At Peace Little Ones


In my youth I never slept,

As one of idle mind.

For children of innocence,

So soon are left behind;

To gather and to bind.

A mess of immature chaos,

Was carried from my early start.

Oh, youth should not be poisoned so,

Twisted by a blackened heart,

And dreams scattered apart.

I know not what it’s like,

To be free of my memory,

Nightmares and they intermixed,

Compounded in every degree,

By the years taken from me.

My body was the enemy.

My soul a fallen comrade,

In wars of power and control.

The armor in which I was clad,

Was made of fear…and bad.

When turmoil is your first bed,

And innocence costs you dear,

You learn to sleep alone at night,

And be at peace in the drear.

(As your side’s pierced with a spear).

So be at peace ye little ones,

When youths’ caress has left,

To comfort not within the strife,

That’s left your soul bereft.

Look beyond the theft,

As just one piece of this shattered-life.

K. Aldaya, 9/17/05

Picture: Originally on http://vodkaandvogue.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/311870/

163. The Fog


The misty earth below is hid,

From sight of God and man,

As heavens’ protection doesn’t bid,

This shadowed world to know its’ plan.

Beyond the airy gray below,

Are those who live within,

The land of empty-shadow,

Thick upon the air with sin.

In this land there is a house,

Covered with moss and jaded-vine.

And in that lonely little house,

Is a child in tranquil confine.

A fire pleasantly lights the room,

Glitterin’ the windows with a dance.

But a soul inside its’ tomb,

Is cold as ice…froze in a trance.

Silence poisons the emptiness,

But for the raging flames afar,

As a child bound to distress,

Can so swiftly burn and char.

Thoughts find themselves a home,

In minds that beg for mercy,

Beyond two glassy eyes which roam,

To glimpse every controversy;

For fires of rage burn bright,

Inside each past made memory.

Seen with unwarranted sight,

In a madmans’ vast puratory.

Men can be, or choose, to be,

The face of God on earth,

Raging at all souls they see:

Sinned and sorely lost from birth.

Fear is this mans mask of death,

To all who look upon it,

“For fear is respect”, he saith,

“Willed to strike the vile in wit”.

Terror and fear engulfs,

In flames he ignited,

In this child of ill-sent faults,

Not right, yet never righted.

The child in this lonely place,

In the rooms’ corner far,

In a state absent of grace,

Dreams of the soon daystar.

Though God’s closed his view,

To whate’er purpose is there.

He’ll return when the day is new,

As hope gives way to renewed care.

The misty earth below will light,

With sight of God and man,

And in the sunshine, eye bright,

Beg resolve for some ultimate plan;

Which leaves a solaced land,

Inside where this old house does stand,

Hidden from all sound reprimand.

K. Aldaya, 9/16/05

Picture:  by Meaghan at abookwormshaven.com; http://abookwormshaven.com/2012/12/08/saturday-snapshot-house-in-the-fog/

162. Betrayal


Your eyes reached deep inside and clasped my heart tightly;

Tinted with crimson blood bore in unparalleled degree.

Igniting: embers set free, in traverse of irksome mud.

Dust and tears combined: Your passion play to win!

Which was drenched upon my soul weighted with unknown sin;

From the sight the eyes begin in search of loves true role.

The torchlight was extinguished by the swampy mayhem,

Of your minds considerations, and the love your eyes condemn.

And my heart-fire in this poem;

Of drowning internalizations,

Is your rejection of my love,

Which left me for dead thereof.

K. Aldaya, 9/9/05

Picture:  “Ripped Out Heart” by Mandy…..?; http://www.layoutsparks.com/1/107179/ripped-out-heart-image.html

161. Messages of Love

Film Title: Snow White and the Huntsman

I see me here in your view,

Clinging to the signs,

I see those messages from you,

Thriving with choking vines:

Living to die in vain.

From childhood a stranger,

To the idle dream-work,

Of others, who meant danger.

Shadows to creep and lurk,

There condemned asunder.

To be not kindred with the throng,

Those mortals and mortalities.

Driven hand-in-hand along,

Complete in their normalities.

With vitality and fortitude.

I turned to the specters,

Instead of fighting on,

And followed perfumed nectars,

Into bleak woods a’drawn,

To fall in sleep ‘neath death-trees.

Waking mislaid on ashened-soil.

Below a strangled tree, gasping,

For breath in whole fret toil,

As on every branch clasping…

Vines: living to die in vain.

To see me there harshly met,

By natures’ lethal tragedies.

Hope to not forget,

In pains the eye foresees,

In sympathies to comprehend.

For though death may greet me.

The time means not the matter.

I strived on in such degree,

As to surely scatter,

The living death thought to be vain.

For to see me in your view,

Clinging to those signs,

Given in messages through,

Thriving-on-me vain vines,

Shows my life and death’s not vain.

K. Aldaya, 8/28/05

Pictures: Snow White and the Huntsman: Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth; http://cdn.sheknows.com/articles/2012/05/Snow_White_with_Huntsman_2.jpg

160. Heavens’ Angels


Angels whisper secrets on the wind,

Barely sensed, but by the sinned.

Tortured-wails resonate,

In these endless nights of late.

Sifting through spirit skinned,

Seeking paths to heavens’ gate,

Brushing our eyes of glass, froze,

In the evenings as we doze.

Reinforcing haunts of thought,

In embrace of what’s forgot.

Comfort lit-star shows…

Hence, gone, and not.

Begging mercy for souls tonight,

On wings of angels’ flight.

As we softly rest weak bones,

Gently as wind music drones,

And settles within ears light…

“Sinned are thee”, where love unowns.

Flagrant transgressions made,

We shed on face to never fade.

And lo’ the angelic-tenants,

Of gloried sight and fertile scents,

Soar o’er field and glade.

Longing for heart-lands dense.

But few are we who grow no life,

No trees branched to the afterlife.

We close our eyes at night to pray,

Knowing our sins are bound to stay.

For the moon so crisply rife,

Shines in our hearts of gray.

Shameful existence of…

Supplications to above.

Seraphs celestially abide.

Not near we mortals a-died,

Unable for to have love…and..

E’er reach Zions’ reside,

On angels flown in skies above.

K. Aldaya, 8/27/05

Picture:  “Flying Angel” by NaJae-Crazy on Deviant Art; http://najae-crazy.deviantart.com/art/Flying-Angel-345515496

159. The Lonely Mind

Would it not be grand to have all understand,

This life I have known, and the mind that doth stand,

Alone in bare-atone?

Wouldn’t it be great to be not one lost fate,

But a cared ’bout concept, not to be learned too late.

For still-conscious mans accept?

And being thou then seen, not for pity but for being,

For toiling in isolations, in whate’er sense it mean;

And conceive the implications,

Of what one may so glean.

K. Aldaya, 8/25/05