400. Brother Dear, Don’t Leave Me Here

83a3376db106d265aff157d5e08f9c7f

Brother dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in this closet.

Sister dear, I fear…I fear,

The harms which men commit.

Sister dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in this room.

Brother dear, I fear…I fear,

This life will be my tomb.

Brother dear, don’t leave me here.

It’s lonely in my mind.

Sister dear, I fear…I fear,

I’ll one day lose my mind.

Sister dear, don’t leave me here,

It’s lonely without you.

Brother dear, I fear…I fear,

The past we can’t undo.

K. Aldaya, 6/22/17

Picture: From Pinterest; http://weheartit.com/entry/27044263

399. Safe Harbor

Lips are moving…moving fast,

Yet I can not hear a word.

People walking…walking past,

Just outside of myself.

Wake me up…up to you;

To the world in which you dwell.

So far away…far away.

I stumbled back and fell.

I hit my face…my face hard,

To try and make it to you.

The skin: my cage…cage and guard,

Locks me in here again.

Now I see…see distantly,

The place called: reality.

People live there…there alive,

While I live inside me.

What have you said…said to me?

I do not understand you.

A million miles…miles from me.

You soon grow frustrated.

I do not blame…blame your words…

Of anger for no reply.

Yet if I spoke…spoke to you,

My words would just belie.

My bones they walk…walk and speak,

In a world beyond control.

My skin a shell…shell to peek…

Eyes outward, safe from harm.

Hands are moving…moving fast,

In belligerent retort.

How can I leave…leave here now?

Without harbor or port?

You push me out…out to sea,

Where I float just out of reach.

If only hands…hands held me…

Close, in understanding.

Please don’t push…push me away.

I just need some time and space.

When I feel…feel safe again,

I’ll hoist my sail and race,

Toward harbor…harbor and shore,

Where I’ll land upon life’s coast.

You may pull…pull me ashore,

Or push me out to sea.

Though if you care…care for me,

Then pull or leave me alone,

And I’ll make my way…way back,

When it’s safe, on my own.

K. Aldaya, 6/21/17

Picture: http://all-free-download.com/free-photos/download/small-yacht-at-sea_204659.html

398. I…I Don’t Want to Die

I…I don’t want to die.

“But you are broken, you say?

The only way to fix you,

Is for you to simply die,

And be reborn as someone new.”

I…I don’t want to die.

I know that I am broken,

And that’s all you can see;

Yet, why do I have to die,

For you to be able to love me?

I…I don’t want to die.

Do I really have no worth?

Am I something to be tossed,

And left all alone to die?

Am I truly one of the lost?

I…I don’t want to die.

I just want you to stay here;

To hold me close and tell me,

That I do not have to die,

For you to see me as worthy.

For you to be able to love me…

I…I don’t want to die.

K. Aldaya, 5/29/17

Picture: from Sherlock; http://pharlapcartoonist.tumblr.com/

397. Go to the Water

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Tears flowing forth.

Time runs it’s course,

In the flowing forth of words from mouths.

Nothing but a freak.

A child: lost and meek,

Cursed to bear the cost of others’ sorrows.

Fates can not be changed.

Experiences rearranged.

Once set into motion it continues.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

“Kill yourself today.

You’re in everybody’s way.

Why can’t you see your fate is sealed.

No one wants you here.

Curse’s won’t disappear.

Why must you fight the flowing of the water.”

The window is ajar,

And beyond is just a bar.

One step and then it will all be over.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Nobody will stop you.

You know what you must do.

Look down into the darkness of the water.

Their eyes are looking up.

Go on, they’ve had enough.

It will only hurt a little longer.

Legs break in the fall.

Nobody cares at all.

They watch you with the coldness of the water.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

Crawl to the boat’s tip.

Take a little slip.

Fall down face first into shivering water.

Can not swim away.

Lungs fill up straight away.

Choke upon the apathy of strangers.

Bodies soon grow cold,

As souls release their hold,

And all that’s left’s another child forgotten.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.

No one speaks the name.

Life goes on just the same,

As bodies drift away on the water.

Cruelty is a plague.

Apathy digs a grave,

Which buries all the outcast little children.

Flow. Flow. Flow in the water…

…Go. Go. Go to the water…

…….Go. Go. Go to the water.

K. Aldaya, 5/21/17

Picture: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22892496-dust-to-dust

396. Fly Away Child

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I knew you were my everything,

Yet one day, that you would die.

I studied you in the distance;

A form of God on earth.

I worshipped without question,

The toiler of my birth.

I called out with no reply.

I saw you there unmoving.

I wondered why you were so still,

Neither loving nor disapproving.

Like a picture of a memory,

You were perfect in my eyes;

With a smile: warm and tender.

I was naive and unwise.

Then a feeling hit me like a rock,

And I ran as tears fell down.

I ran, and ran, and ran,

Through the wheat at dawn.

I came so close to you,

I swear I heard your heart,

And as you faded away,

I kept listening for your heart.

Yet, your heart, it left with you,

Along with my youth.

You left me unsure of my worth,

For to me, you were it’s proof.

I was only a child afraid,

Who wanted you to stay,

But my picture of you drifted,

On the winds of a new day.

You never ran to me, not once;

Nor cared to hear my heart.

If I ever needed a hug,

Or if I’d fallen apart.

I wish I’d known on that day long ago,

No matter how hard I ran,

I’d never have made it there in time,

For you to hold my hand.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

On the day I said goodbye,

To the picture I had of you,

And turned toward the sky.

It’s blue was as an ocean: pure,

I found hope in it’s peace,

That even those left all alone,

May find their love increase.

The grass-blades blew around my feet,

As a child I looked to the sky.

I wish I could have let her know,

That one day she’d be able to fly…

Into the loving arms of some distant, future sky.

K. Aldaya, 5/20/17

Picture: https://www.videezy.com/free-video/cornfield

395. All or Nothing

The me I would have been,

I can not recall.

I don’t know the me which existed,

Before life changed it all.

I don’t remember the good times,

When things weren’t dark and cold,

Or know what to tell my child self,

Whose body is growing old.

People say, “forget the past”,

But it makes us who we are,

And I can’t changed how it’s shaped me,

Just by wishing on a star.

I have all these broken parts,

Who are still stuck in one place,

While time moves on around them,

Yet they never age in pace.

They live just as ghosts,

Haunting their old home;

They’re separated, in one place,

Surrounded and yet alone.

I don’t know how to exorcise;

To banish parts of me.

If I ever did know how though,

Which one of them would I be?

The me I would have been,

I can not recall.

The me I was, is shattered,

I’m no longer one…I am all…

…or nothing.

K. Aldaya, 5/18/17

394. My Greatest Sin

I wish that I had been born,

With just the right type of skin.

I wish I knew how to make it work,

When I just don’t fit in.

I try so hard to look like them,

And duplicate their ways;

Yet no matter how hard I try,

I feel so unseen in their gaze.

I wish I had a way to make,

Things work out in the end.

To make my form a better fit,

And no longer have to pretend;

But I fear my fate is as set,

As the very skin I reside.

Born too thin to weather on,

Or remain long by your side.

I blame myself for everything.

For being born unfit.

For being a burden to everyone,

And being too selfish to quit.

For wanting what I know is wrong;

Wanting what can not be.

I know I am a fool to wish,

For what will never be.

I’ve always wanted to be the one,

Who helps you live your dreams.

I hope one day you’ll forgive me,

When my skin rips at the seams.

Thank you for holding me so close.

For loving me anyway,

And maybe if I pray enough,

I can come back to you someday…

In another life. Another time.

Born the same as you,

With thicker skin and thicker blood,

And we’ll live our dreams, me and you.

I wish I had been born,

With the same type of skin.

I wish I knew how to live for you,

When I just don’t fit in.

In a life where I’m your burden,

And you’re my greatest sin.

K. Aldaya, 5/15/17

Picture: Posted by Southern Sweetie on Bloglovin.com; https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/southern-sweetie-4084552/photo-1609929381

393. Rash Acuity

You speak fast and spew your words,

All over the place.

Without care you spread your thoughts,

Devoid of depth or grace;

Then look at me with judging eyes,

Awaiting swift reply,

To signify my intelligence,

Based on how quickly my words fly.

Pardon me, while I contemplate,

On how little time you take,

To make absolute assumptions,

And trust the conclusions you make.

I am not that sure of myself,

I’m afraid that it is true.

I always question everything,

And ponder hard and long when I do.

So if you’re awaiting fast reply,

Don’t bother waiting around.

I don’t really care if you think me daft,

When you can’t see my need to expound.

Leave me alone with my thoughts,

And I’ll think until I’m weary.

For there are no absolutes to me,

Only the most plausible theory.

Please take your judgments elsewhere,

There are far better things to do,

Then converse with someone so shallow,

As to judge as rashly as you do.

K. Aldaya, 4/24/17

392. Identity

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Who am I in this moment?

Well that depends on who you ask.

I am many different people,

Each with their own personal task.

How does one get anything done,

With so many different plans;

And so little time to work at them,

Before they will change hands?

Then off toward another goal,

Weaving through the field of mind,

Where players with their set positions,

Have their own goals in kind.

Tell me who I really am.

I bet you think you know!

Yet if you knew me at all,

You’d see I both come and go.

The game of life moves me,

Up and down the field.

In confusion getting nowhere,

Stuck eternally mid-field.

I see the goal right there,

And sometimes get quite near,

Only to find myself mid-field,

With another goal I fear.

Who am I in this moment?

I’m afraid that you will find.

I’m not the “one” you thought I was,

Rather “many”, in one mind.

K. Aldaya, 4/15/17

Picture: From CNN.com; http://edition.cnn.com/2016/06/11/football/euro-2016-switzerland-albania/

391. Resolution

He balances on the edge and walks,

The rusted railroad tracks,

And as he teeters-on, he talks…

To himself (as no one’s there).

How had the tracks, which seemed so straight,

Led him to this place?

Where winds tipped his weight,

O’er the edge of no return.

It’s funny how one simple choice,

Leads us down a path;

And how easy it is to follow that choice,

To the brink, without a thought.

One step and then another more.

Our fates, by steps, are set;

And even if we wish for more,

We can’t go back or regret.

He balances on the edge and walks,

The rusted railroad tracks,

And as the wind strengthens, he talks:

“Oh how I wish I’d looked up!”

K. Aldaya, 3/31/17

Picture: Originally from Alamy; https://www.timeshighereducation.com/books/review-the-trolley-problem-mysteries-f-m-kamm-oxford-university-press#survey-answer

390. Heaven

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Let us meet upon the spectral plains of Elysium,

Where all are equal in the eyes of the sun,

As we rest our heads to dream forever,

Of what could never be on Earth;

And of ties which could not sever,

Us, from our birth.

Rest your head upon my shoulder and dream of yesterdays,

As the labors of blood and flesh fade away.

Here you’re my brother, my sister, my kin.

Our fates are eternally bound.

Beyond prejudice, fear, and sin,

Heaven is found.

K. Aldaya, 3/22/17

Picture: Uploaded by Kipketera on 7-themes.com; http://7-themes.com/6998738-fantasy-grass-field.html

389. The Web

Each word read,

A simple thought,

Yet when one meets another;

A web forms of connected thoughts,

And abstract intricacies.

The web spreads,

To snatch and learn;

To glean each captured phrase.

Read, listen; Ever more yearn,

For universal truth.

Each architect,

Grasps and weaves,

As the scope ever increases.

The more learned, the more one grieves,

The endlessness of thought.

The web purveys,

And never ends;

As learning leads to wisdom;

And learning never ends,

So humans become victims.

Frantically.

Passionately.

Brains weave and contemplate,

Truths too vast in scope to be,

Contained in human bone.

Each word read,

A simple thought,

Yet when one joins another.

A web forms of connected thoughts,

And “Insanity’s” it’s name.

K. Aldaya, 3/15/17

Picture: Tomás Saraceno, Galaxy Forming along Filaments, like Droplets along the Strands of a Spider’s Web, at the Venice Biennial, 2009; http://theredlist.com/wiki-2-351-382-1160-1166-view-argentina-profile-saraceno-tomas.html

388. Broken Vessel

I had no right to refuse you,

For I had no rights at all.

You locked me within your eyes,

And from then on I was all…

You could see.

You gazed at me with doting eyes,

While you bled your victims dry.

You didn’t plan to kill me too,

And I didn’t want to die…

Just like them.

You stared into my eyes so deep.

You invaded my brain.

I became your loving home,

And you drove me insane…

With your thoughts.

Pleasure and pain you intermix.

As you love, so do you cry.

You drown me in your tears and rage,

While I lie still and try…

To go home.

Yet there’s no home to go back to,

Nor any door you cannot access.

You and I, we share this home,

And trying to escape: a hopeless…

Endeavor.

You walk these halls eternally,

And you, my fate, have judged.

The walls are made of bitter tears,

And each bloody lash is smudged…

Into bars.

I have no right to hate you,

For I have no rights at all.

You stole far down into my soul,

And from then on you were all…

That I am.

The criminal and the victim.

The loved and the lost.

The guilty and the innocent.

The vessel which you tossed…

To the side…

…broken.

K. Aldaya, 3/10/17

387. Lullaby of the Lost

Song Link

Where do the dead go and who can follow?

Will you go to where they lie?

Will you search the darkest hollow,

To find the truth before we die?

Where do the lost go and who will find them?

Does anyone care they’re gone?

Who will pull-out each thorny rose stem,

Upon their heads when they are gone?

Where do our thoughts go and who will remember,

The sufferings of this mortal coil?

The fires of life shed each ember,

Of we who soon become it’s soil.

Where do the cursed go and who will love them,

When they’ve become all we fear?

Who will care to find and hold them?

Who will mourn or shed a tear?

Where do the dead go and who can follow?

Will you go to where they lie?

Will you search the darkest hollow,

To save the lost before they die?

K. Aldaya, 3/1/17

Picture: by: Branimir Jaredic; http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/1-branimir-jaredic.html?tab=artwork; http://www.magazineim.com/home/index.php/collaborators/branimir-jaredic/#7

386. Sandstorm

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Sands drift around…

Up in the air,

Then back to the ground.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

The wind is your friend…

Pushing you on,

But when does it end?

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Sand’s in my lungs.

It’s hard to breathe,

And you’ve just begun.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Grains full of rage.

Can we start over?

Write a new page?

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

I’ll suffocate!

Hours have passed,

And it’s getting late.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Words propagate.

We can’t start over;

It is too late.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Reach to the door…

Slam it behind you;

That’s what they’re for.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Left in your dust.

Please don’t come back,

I’m starting to rust.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Leave me alone.

My skin is cracking.

I’m turning to bone.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

Dusts float your way.

I’m lost in your words.

I’m fading away.

Sandstorm. Sandstorm.

You move away.

Yet now I am dust.

And dust drifts away.

K. Aldaya, 2/22/17

Picture: “Sandhouse Sienna Room” by Cary Wolinsky; http://www.carywolinskyphotographs.com/sandhouse-series#/sandhouse-blue-1-2-1/; https://limeduck.com/feast-for-the-eyes/

385. Forsaken Lullaby

Song Link

The shadows take our dreams away,

And nightmares have come to stay.

If I die before I wake,

Tell God, my soul, to not forsake.

Will you come and find me here,

He’s coming fast. He’s coming near.

Tell him not to steal my skin,

Leaving only bones to live within.

Find me now and chase away,

The nightmares which have come to stay.

If you leave before I wake.

I know, my soul, God will forsake.

K. Aldaya, 2/18/17

384. The Church

The wooden beams stretch upward and on,

Beckoning to heaven,

For God to replace what is gone,

In the hearts of the brethren.

The church pews creak and rattle bones,

Made from dead tree spirits,

As men sing in bitter undertones,

Of the sins on which each sits.

Through angelic stained glass windows,

The winds whip the prostrated dead,

As the sky casts shadows,

Upon each lowered head.

The singers pray to their God,

And the shadows fly away,

In fear of men who sing to God,

To give their sins away;

Then with the final chorused-end,

Heads rise and walk outside,

To the lake where they intend…

To drown their sins inside.

In the waters, dark and deep,

They seek to know God’s grace;

So they lie until they fall asleep,

And awake glimpsing a face.

Their reflections are only their own,

Then back to the church they go,

To walk along the pews and moan,

“There’s no God! There’s no God! We merely reap what we sow!”

K. Aldaya, 1/4/17

383. The Soul is a Symphony

sunny field

I wonder what people will say of me,

When I am finally gone?

Will they praise me for my honesty,

Or say that I was wrong?

Will they love my naked words,

Or loathe me as a whore?

Will they understand my words,

And why I always had to say more?

Will they say that I was sick,

Or plan and simply: pessimistic?

Will they think that’s all that made me tick?

That I was never optimistic?

After all is said and done,

I hope no one will ever say,

That I never cherished even one…

Earthly human day.

No one can help or change their path;

It is theirs to walk alone.

You’ll never understand that path;

The only path I’ve ever known.

Yet one thing I must make quite clear…

I crawled, lived, and fought;

And as much as I bore pain and fear,

Love is what I sought.

Beauty is more beautiful,

And happiness more divine,

When you know just how rare and wonderful,

It is to feel the sunshine.

To see flowers bloom each spring.

To watch children smile and glow,

And know that despite everything,

Love continues to nurture and grow.

I wonder what people will think of me,

When I am finally gone.

I hope they’ll realize how fully,

I felt and lived each dawn.

–For the soul is a symphony, not a song.

K. Aldaya, 1/20/17

Picture: https://w-dog.net/wallpaper/mood-girl-a-woman-hair-silhouette-loneliness-thought-meditation-of-mind-the-field-flower-flowers-flower-sunset-sun-night-background-wallpaper-widescreen-full-screen-widescreen-hd-wallpapers-background/id/348657/

 

382. Insomniac

795750-bokeh-books-empty-lights-man-made-night-notebook-pages-wind

11pm, it’s late again.

Time to close your eyes.

No moon in sight to make it light,

Darkness descends and lies.

12am, two hours past ten.

Another day is gone.

You stare at nothing, yet everything,

While deciding which side to rest on.

1am, the hour when…

Your thoughts decide to party:

Dance and drink, and overthink…

Rage and disagree.

2am, you grab a pen,

To silence the noise inside;

Write it out, reread, and doubt…

Which words you should confide.

3am, you drop the pen,

Too tired to think clearly.

There are no words that aren’t cowards,

And cowardice costs dearly.

4am, near dawn again.

The world will soon awake,

And you will stare, lost in despair,

Of the sun you will forsake.

5am, You lie and then…

Fall down deeply into sleep.

Finally at rest, yes, you sleep best,

After you ponder and weep.

K. Aldaya, 1/16/17

Picture:  https://www.walldevil.com/13623-bokeh-books-empty-lights-manmade-night-notebook-pages-wind.html

381. Dissociation

hinh-anh-buon-cua-cac-co-gai-3

Time escapes me again…

Slips through my trembling fingers;

Rushes on into the future…

And life: it occurs.

In the void I sit…

Between life and it’s future dawn;

Where I waste precious hours,

As time ticks right on.

Time is not my friend,

And walks past me nonchalantly;

So I ever return to time in mourning,

Of the hours which have left me.

K. Aldaya, 1/13/17

Picture: http://vforum.vn/diendan/showthread.php?76477-Hinh-anh-buon-dau-kho-cua-cac-co-gai-vi-that-tinh

380. Watch Out!

little-girl-in-dark-doorway

Watch out little children!

This world’s run by mad old kids,

Who never found their happiness;

And were raised by other kids.

Watch out little children!

Mothers are narcissists.

Fathers are pedophiles,

And the neighbors: serial rapists.

Watch out little children!

Evil wears a smile and lies;

And even he who does bad deeds,

Is missed by someone when he dies.

Watch out little children!

Those who you should fear,

Are not the monsters under your beds,

But, rather, those who have your ear.

Watch out little children!

True evil’s a lie you’re told,

By those whose evil deeds are many,

Yet whose good deeds you’ll uphold.

Watch out little children!

This world’s full of goods and bads.

Serial killers aren’t monsters,

They’re just your moms and dads!

K. Aldaya, 1/9/17

Picture:  Originally posted on Blogspot by Club Zombie; http://www.moustachemagazine.com/2014/02/6-real-life-scary-stories-told-by-reddit-users/clubzombie-blogspot-com/;

379. Don’t Stoke the Fire!

giphy28

The rage is blazing,

Under the surface.

You stoke fires you know nothing about,

And expect not to be burnt,

When they spread out.

Blistering beneath.

Skin searing; screaming!

You throw kindle on it with a smirk,

Then it scorches you when near,

And they’re the jerk?

K. Aldaya, 12/27/16

Picture: Phoenix from X-Men: The Last Stand; Originally posted on Fan Pop; http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/x-men-the-movie/images/33137210/title/x-men-fanart; http://giphy.com/gifs/x-men-E5yr7u9Tn5mgw

378. Instant Regret

hands

I really want to trust you.

To let you in…I do.

More than anything I wish I could,

Have the faith you do.

My heart, it is in pieces,

And aches of a bitter kiss.

Yet, I’ve grown so used to the pain…

Sometimes I hardly notice;

Until someone arrives,

With their expectations,

They trust me not for I can’t do the same,

And are angered by my complications.

Trust is earned with time and care,

Both of which you will not give.

Then tell me why should I just trust you,

When you instantly regret what you give?

K. Aldaya, 12/20/16

Picture:  Original Source Unknown; http://now-here-this.timeout.com/2012/07/16/35-reasons-rain-is-better-than-sunshine/

377. Yin and Yang

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I know you think I’m weak,

And those who “feel” are pitiful.

So I’ve often felt like a freak,

For simply being me.

Yet as I’ve grown older,

I’ve become much more aware,

That those whose hearts are colder,

Are much more pitiful.

A life lived on the path.

‘Tween pure bliss and despair,

May be a smoother path;

Though leads the soul nowhere.

Souls grow in sagacity,

Through the beauty and the pain.

Grow stronger on a rougher sea,

Or steep and winding road.

With ups and downs we learn,

What’s truly of worth.

With every dip and turn,

We learn to persevere.

Depth is seen as weakness,

And shallowness as divine.

Society praises emptiness…

As close to godliness.

Those who disagree: “Insane.”

“Their emotions are showing!”

“A symptom of a faulty brain,

Wandering on dangerous paths.”

I don’t care anymore what’s said,

I’d rather struggle and fight,

Ever braver in what lies ahead,

Then to fear being “too much”.

My soul is not a coward,

And my heart and mind fight on.

I do not fear love or discord,

They are borne in equal measure.

K. Aldaya, 12/19/16

Picture: By Mario Wibisono; https://wall.alphacoders.com/unregistered.php?id=624 https://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=152076

376. Baby Piano

Reverberating cries of keys,

Fill me with their piercing refrain.

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Could I have saved you from your fate,

If I’d had a different name?

Your soul weeps out bitterly,

As my ears turn notes to tears;

So I rip away the wooden case,

And it’s flood echoes my fears.

K. Aldaya, 12/3/16

Picture: http://rebloggy.com/post/piano-memories-past-ghost-gothic-within-temptation-sharon-den-adel-alternative-m/58920725479

375. The Noose

Once set into motion life continues unimpeded.

The bond of prophecy self-fulfilled,

Becomes the noose of the defeated.

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You may struggle and the noose grow tighter: restricting breath…

Or calmly hold your hands to the line,

In-between desperation and death.

K. Aldaya, 11/26/16

Picture: Originally Posted on thedeadhasrisin.tumblr.com; http://giphy.com/gifs/sad-boy-depressed-wOKFDNYyjqfBK;

374. Drifting Ghosts

I stand still too afraid to move forward,

For each step taken cuts deep like a sword.

Everything is a mem’ry I’d rather forget;

And each day is yet another spent in regret.

I know I cannot save myself, so I beg for the hand…

Which chokes me into silence yet again.

Which chokes me into silence again.

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I stand and glance across the sun-parched grass,

Spying on the baffling winds as they pass…

A leaf toward my feet..oh, just like the one which flew..

Along the path I used to walk on, and I knew…

It was your lonesome and bitter ghost, haunting me again;

And your presence drags me back there again.

You always drag me back there again.

I stand and wonder, and ponder too long,

On why the winds carry my ghosts along:

Forever drifting about in search when I flee.

I hear their voices echo and cry out to me.

I stand here in front of you with a penetrating smile.

No one cares the ghosts were there all the while.

Ah, my ghosts have been there all the while.

K. Aldaya, 11/2/16

Picture: http://www.lovethispic.com/image/34003/fall-leaves-gif

373. Weeping Willow

Weeping Willow

O’ Weeping Willow, why do you hate the daylight so?

Why do you cry to the sun and hang your head so low?

Do you want us all to feel the same way that you do?

Are you angry with the sun, which dries, then feeds you too?

O’ Weeping Willow, why do you love the darkness so?

Why do you wave and smile at the moon; and let your beauty show?

Do you love the dark because it hides your bitterness?

Does the night conceal your tears within it’s tranquil darkness?

O’ Weeping Willow, why do you exist to feel this way?

Why must you live to suffer so?

Why does it have to be this way?

Do you know where we all go when we turn to dust?

Weeping Willow won’t you cry for me too, when you meet my drifting dust?

K. Aldaya, 10/12/16

Picture: http://indulgy.com/post/cbtCpMSUW1/theclouser; http://indulgy.com/ana–bella/myperfect

372. Timeless Bond

We used to be good friends and confidants,

Yet just like us, youth grows old, tired, and weary;

It changes, grows gray, and wrinkles,

In the sun of the today’s we dearly…

Cling on to.

Remember all those days spent together?

Under warm summer skies we rode bikes to the wind…

Blowing carelessly with our hopes.

Now we can’t go back. We can’t rescind…

Our choices.

Think of me some day when we’re old and gray,

And this fast world no longer pulls us to and fro.

Give me just one small little thought.

Think of when we walked side by side and go…

Fearlessly…

Toward the light…..

K. Aldaya, 9/29/16

371. Inertia

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Nightmares are only reverse dreams,

And ghosts are merely shadows.

Memories are just vivid streams,

Of self-perceptioned scenes.

Dreams are only reverse nightmares,

And shadows are merely ghosts.

Memories are the eyes which stare,

Deep down into our souls.

Phantoms haunt, and memories hurt;

And nightmares destroy dreams….

While time ticks on and on: inert,

To what we tell ourselves.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/16

Picture: Scene Capture from “Pretty Little Liars”; http://www.afterellen.com/tv/209853-pretty-little-liars-recap-4-19-shadow-play/3

370. Reality

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No matter what I do. Nothing ever changes.

The world changes around me,

While I while away the hours;

And my life becomes a memory,

Of some graveyard in the country.

No matter what choices I make.  I am here.

I cannot change how I feel.

What experience has taught me.

My version of what is real…

If real means anything at all.

No matter what I try to change.  It is.

I cannot save anyone.

We all live, die, and are forgotten.

Does fate exist and pull everyone…

Into that field of gravestones connecting reality?

K. Aldaya, 9/24/16

Picture: Cabot Village Cemetery, Vermont; http://www.cabothistory.com/cabot-s-seven-cemeteries

369. Ember

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Here I am just like a child,

Again I feel the pain.

Our hearts are just too wild,

To be contained.

They feel too deep…

Feel too much;

They pull us to and fro.

Hearts recall, and with such…

Fervor and fire!

The past we wish to forget,

Yet our hearts beat to the echoes,

Of pasts filled with regret,

And pointless suffering.

Our hearts always remember,

And the body never forgets.

A persevering, igneous ember,

Left from the fires of youth.

K. Aldaya, 9/22/16

Picture: Originally posted on Tumblr by twerkingtothebaxterbuilding; https://giphy.com/gifs/fire-hand-flame-83QhSF6YdWGIM

368. Alien

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I know I’m not the only one who stares out at the stars,

And wishes their alien kin would come and take them off to Venus or Mars;

Or some unknown world beyond our scope of understanding,

Where their heart exhales and gravitates-in for a landing.

A planet so very far away in space and time,

Where long ago they were accepted and life was sublime.

A world where they were understood and didn’t feel like a freak;

Among their kind where they never needed words to speak.

Maybe the water is neon pink and the dirt a vibrant green,

And trees in every shade of light, glow and illume the scene.

No matter what the eyes see or how beautiful it may seem,

The world now only exists in their minds as they dream.

I know I’m not the only one who stares out into space,

And wonders why they don’t feel like they belong to the human race.

K. Aldaya, 9/19/16

Picture: By Anna Ristuccia on Flickr. https://www.flickr.com/photos/annaristuccia/4391530854/; http://weheartit.com/entry/group/534427

367. Savage

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I am a savage.

I remember my days in the jungle.

The feel of mud ‘tween my toes.

The rush of adrenaline,

From head to toe.

Blood raging to win.

I am a savage.

I remember my nights under the moon.

The feel of winds blowing over,

The heavy lids of the earth,

Falling to cover.

In death is rebirth.

I am a savage.

I remember my days on the Earth.

The feel of dust and thirst.

The yearning to drink and feast.

Devoured or nursed.

Nothing but a beast.

K. Aldaya, 9/18/16

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://sscinnovate.blogspot.com/2013/06/review-barefoot-minimalist-and-forefoot.html

366. *R.I.P.*

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You think you can make excuses,

Laugh off the pain you deal,

Without consequence or reprisal;

Without caring how others feel.

I’m here to tell you, my darling,

Excuses are for narcissists and frauds,

For weak people who can dish it out,

Though can’t handle payback from their gods.

Who will weep and wail at changing winds,

Praying to god, “Do you know who I am?”

I’m so sweet, caring, and kind.

I’m so perfect just as I am!

You can forgive or forget yourself.

Believe you are better then us all.

Yet reality will always say otherwise,

And the pain will remember it all.

Don’t ever think you’re forgiven,

You’ve no right to demand such a deal!

No one can tell another how to live,

Or how much hurt they’re allowed to feel.

No one can live without faults,

But it’s our choice whether to admit this,

To acknowledge all of our faults;

And no matter what we may do wrong,

To learn and grow from our mistakes.

To care and ask forgiveness,

And try to never make those same mistakes.

I’ve never understood this world,

Why men get joy from others’ pain.

I don’t understand why you can’t feel,

Or contemplate just how insane…

This game is….this game of life!

How pointless these cruelties are!

There’s no reason why it should be ok,

For you to create another scar.

So, you may think you are off the hook.

If you ignore the pain caused: it will leave!

I’m here to tell you, “You are wrong”!

Pain lingers, remembers, and grieves…

For eternity.

*R.I.P.*

K. Aldaya, 9/17/16

Picture: https://deadlyeverafter.com/2013/03/23/the-vision-you-didnt-want-asylum-photos/

365. Blood

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“Blood is thicker than water”, how I truly hate this line!

How I loathe those who use it (usually absent of mind).

How carelessly it makes claim of the specialness of some,

When any fool knows that we all originally came from one.

How no matter where you live now or the color of your skin,

We are all from the same parents. We are all simply: human.

If only we could look beyond the years which separate us,

And see that we all bleed the same…with no waters to divide us.

Our minds have become barriers to block us from this truth.

To make us feel all alone, in this vast ocean: aloof.

I wish we could stop saying: “Black, white, yellow, or red”,

And look upon anothers’ face to see only sister or brother instead;

But rather, humans build their walls to conquer and divide.

To place themselves upon thrones, and wage war on the other side.

Anything to exploit men’s fear of what’s unknown or different.

“Oh, a sharp nose knows the enemy’s nose is an inch left-bent!”

How ridiculous it all is…this endless self-destructive game!

Humanity, will we ever learn our lesson and find a more rewarding aim?

I pray that time does teach us things that we will not repeat.

That lessons learned will one day stick and each heart will beat,

To the drums of a unified dance of love and acceptance;

Where the drums of war no longer beat this sad and tragic dance.

Humans do not bleed water and they never have or will.

Humans they are all our family and they bleed the same blood still;

The blood that your ancestors bled upon the battlefields…

The blood which spilt to give you life, from the womb your mother wields.

From the fathers of your father, and the mothers of your mother.

You may argue all you want, but truth one cannot smother!

So this I say to human beings with ears in which to hear.

Never speak of thicker blood or be selective of ear.

Love and grant the kindness which you would like to receive.

It’s not that hard to be understanding, listen, and to believe…

In seeing the best in others, and never prejudging a face.

Oh God, if we could only stop focusing on differences in religions and race!

Put down your weapons children! Mother is weeping in her grave,

And father’s bloody hands clench the soil for each child no one would save!

“We all bleed the same blood”, how many times has this been said?

How many more times must we repeat the truth, before we are all dead?…

And time passes and forgets us, the children of the Earth;

The species which destroyed itself and spit upon its’ birth!

K. Aldaya, 9/5/16

Picture: “Harvest of Death,” the Battle of Gettysburg, 1863, from Gardner’s Photographic Sketch Book of the War; http://blog.chicagohistory.org/index.php/2009/03/gettysburg/

364. Us

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I cannot sleep. I can’t escape,

The prison of my heart.

The warden holds his keys to me,

Yet I can’t run from my heart,

No matter how much it torments me.

I cannot rest. I dream of you.

My soul’s afflicted by your voice.

Your presence punishes my flesh.

Ah, the warden knows there is no choice…

All men are prisoners of the flesh.

I cannot leave. I can’t escape,

These walls of blood and flesh.

The world is built upon our cells,

Of passion and distress.

For there are no heavens or hells…

Only us.

K. Aldaya, 9/1/16

Picture: from Vampire Diaries; http://www.melty.es/the-originals/photos/

363. Duplicity

Said with painfully deceptive truth,

You fain warmth to perfection.

You lay your coat o’er the mud of inflection,

And savor the words in proof,

Of your humanity.

Gallantly you stand your ground,

Enticing the virtuous of heart,

To firstly step forth and depart,

Wrapping their honor around…

Your covetous finger.

Wringing your hands you step out,

Upon decency’s palpable spine,

And crush the bones of affection in line.

Expectation of reciprocity beyond doubt,

Cloaks the duplicitous heart.

K. Aldaya, 8/29/16

362. That Is Where I’ll Be

If you can not find me. I’ll tell you where I’ll be…

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–My heart belongs to the ocean.

My arms belong to the skies.

My soul belongs to the mountains,

My breath forever flies,

Upon the drifting winds,

Of Earth’s loving embrace;

And sings to me a lullaby,

As meteors give chase…

Seeking that which only those,

Born of earth, may find:

A home within the woodlands,

And a peacefulness of mind;

Where mother sings us to sleep,

Beneath the vast beyond,

And tucks us in with billowed clouds,

And a heart profoundly fond.

My heart belongs to the ocean.

My feet belong to the breeze.

My soul belongs to the mountains,

My home’s among the trees.–

That is where you’ll find me…

…That is where I’ll be.

K. Aldaya, 8/15/16

Picture:  http://www.wall321.com/Nature/Forests/water_outer_space_trees_dark_night_stars_forest_darker_than_black_anime_shooting_star_lakes_reflecti_1031

361. The Mansion

There’s a mansion far away in a land of fabled form,

Where time holds no sway, and the clocks are still and worn.

Within it’s walls are halls of doors leading to secret rooms,

While a dark shadow patrols the floors spreading an air of gloom.

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Locked behind the doors there-in dwell feelings unexpressed;

Colored by established sin and furnished by the repressed.

One door is but a tiny speck within the stone foundation,

Of a house made of lies and brick, and stoic invalidation;

Where a girl forever smiles on in eternal denial,

Of the home her world is built upon, where she serves tea with a smile.

She serves truth upon a tray for people to consume….

The hours of her life away ’til she’s only what they assume.

Down below and through the door another door stands locked…

By the shadow on the floor of those halls forever stalked.

Behind: A glass interior exalts the ancient realm,

Of the forest nymphs of yore, and the tall majestic elm.

Days pass by for her who dwells under care of sun and moon,

And chants their protective spells…dancing ‘neath the light of the moon.

There she sits and beseeches the blackness gliding by,

Through a gap in the door she reaches, she simply must know, “Why”?

And each time the shadow swings by with his knife dripping with pain,

And cuts off her hand like a fly…being swatted: annoying; inane.

Then under the moon she stitches her hand back into place,

And weeps for those whose stitches only leave scars in their place.

Down the hall much further a door all pink and sweet,

Opens to toys which reconnoiter every pleasant childhood treat.

A girl sits with her toys playing without a care,

Avoiding the sneer of some toys toward a wall with a curtain hung there;

A curtain which opens once a day, as the shadow passes on through,

And each time she looks up to say,”That girl is not someone I knew!”

Then she continues her tale, imagining a world far away,

Where princesses under assail are rescued by knights straight away.

Beyond and through that mirror a gray room of concrete,

Chills and emits terror from the head, down to one’s feet.

A girl sits in the darkness in the corner with her bunny,

Begging for forgiveness, which the shadow just finds funny;

As he enters there freely, and screams echo pains.

Innocence costs dearly and blood always leaves stains.

The last door in the hallway is reinforced with steel.

Locked with a code each day. Yet, anger one cannot seal!

Anger builds to violent rage. Justice shall be avenged!

There is no door or cage which can restrain the unhinged.

She always finds a way out, that girl whose only goal,

Is to be ready beyond a doubt to put the demon back in his hole.

–The battle for eternal life,

For sanity or hell,

Is always fraught with pain and strife,

But, shh, be sure not to tell!

No one cares if someone claims,

Another’s soul as their domain,

And endlessly tortures and maims,

Until it drives them insane.

For the war is fought behind walls,

Built of blood and flesh,

And the shadow haunting the halls,

From the yesterdays men refresh.

Once a thief steals in,

Can one replace what’s gone?

Is everything replaceable,

After the deed is done?

Hearts beat within their separate walls,

Crying bloody tears,

Which stain the myriad halls,

Of minds o’erwrought with fears.

Insanity, it is a place,

And once you enter in,

Your’self’ is lost without a trace.

Cut apart, with a lively grin,

Into fragments with one face.

K. Aldaya, 8/12/16

Picture: Created by Whipper on Alpha Coders; https://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=304198

360. Who Will Weep for the Dead?

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Who will mourn for the lost,

And who will weep for the dead,

When the tides of sinful lust,

Awash each virgin-bed?

Blood is spilt upon the earth.

Oh, the horrors of man’s greed!

Which never takes responsibility,

For it’s every bitter deed.

Scream in terror children!

The dead shall not be grieved!

Only the victims bare the pain,

Of the sins they have received.

Their cries echo in vain,

As the dead will not be heard.

It only drives them more insane,

With every closeted-word.

And who will mourn for the lost?

Who will weep for the dead?

For rather then listening to the truth,

Men grieve for their ears instead.

K. Aldaya, 7/7/16

Picture: http://www.survivingmold.com/news/2014/12/cirs-the-genetics/; http://www.survivingmold.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2034/11/Screaming2.jpg

359. Vertigo

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“This circle of existence keeps going ’round and ’round,

And I’m tired of this spinning,” she said with a frown.

“It’s hard to keep my feet steady and faced to where I’m going,

When vertigo’s a state of mind and there’s no way of knowing…

If the whirlwind can be contained,

And how long the spin will last;

Though as it’s oft’ been said before, “Children, the die is cast!”.”

The Earth keeps on circling: ’round and ’round we go,

And heads keep on tripping o’er questions no one can know;

‘Til men fall to the floor unable to take a stand,

Against the flow of existence’s every command…

As answers always lead men,

Back to the same place.

No one can stop the cell-bound vertigo of the human race.

“This circle of existence keeps going ’round and ’round,

And I’m tired of this spinning,” he said with a frown.

“If only I could take a stand in this life of mine.

If only I had some control over life and time…

To change what is and was…

To end this suffering;

Though hasn’t every man before me longed for the same thing?”

—As the world keeps on spinning…

K. Aldaya, 7/3/16

Picture:  http://giphy.com/gifs/space-night-earth-p69not0nbwli0

358. If Time Were…

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If time were a butterfly,

Could I reach into the sky,

And catch it in my hands,

So time would never fly?

If time were a pirate’s ship,

Thieving our hours away,

Could I raise a mutiny,

So we all could have a say?

If time were a human being,

Could I take their hand,

So we could stay together,

Forever, hand-in-hand?

Time is not a butterfly,

Nor human soul or ship,

Yet I can’t help but wonder why,

The time must always slip…

As the hands on the clock wave us goodbye.

K. Aldaya, 6/30/16

Picture: Originally posted on blessotherwomen; https://www.pinterest.com/pin/303711568592843666/

357. Sleep

alone-arms-bed-depressed-depressing-emo-Favim.com-47601

You always sleep when I cry,

And one day you will when I lie…

in a coffin: the bed of the cursed.

Remember you shunned my pain first!

You always ignore when I bleed,

And don’t bother to stop and take heed.

Blades listen much sharper than you.

Isn’t blood now on your hands too?

You always disregard my words…

They drift onto paper like cowards;

Afraid to take to the air,

And be blown away without a care.

You always sleep when I cry,

And one day when I up and die.

Remember I told you I would.

Living: Tell me why I should!

K. Aldaya, 6/15/16

Picture: Originally posted by Doreese on Tumblr; http://favim.com/image/47601/

356. Fireflies

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Fireflies fill the night skies.

The wind is warm and light.

I stand alone beneath the stars,

This peaceful June night,

And wonder if stars are really,

The souls of ancient beings,

Who look upon the plight of man,

As a show with histrionic scenes.

In the expanse of time and space,

The lives of earthly men,

Must seem so trivial to a star,

Who’s seen from now to then.

Will stars recall when we looked up,

And stared into their gaze?

Will they remember who we were?

Will they remember us always?

Do we remember the fireflies,

Which danced before our eyes?

On summer nights while time passed by,

Did they gaze into our eyes?

Do not forget those fireflies,

Though trivial they may seem,

In the many nights of our lives,

They come and go like a dream.

Yet, if we don’t remember them,

Or moments while we live,

Who could hope for the stars to gaze back,

And watch us while we live?

And recall when our time runs out,

The beauty of existence.

How each life’s spark was beautiful,

In these skies of happenstance,

Where we all danced for awhile.

K. Aldaya, 6/9/16

Picture: By Steed Yu for National Geographic; http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/photo-of-the-day/fireflies-stars-night/

355. Political Reform

Where are the hands which hold you here?

Which hold you to this land,

Of scorching concrete,

And vulgar deceit?

Where gavels scream every command,

Of the political elite.

Where are the hands which hold you back?

Which hold you in embrace?

The hands which act,

To make an impact,

Before time is lost without a trace?

Toward death the odds are stacked.

Where are the hands which hold you near?

Which hold your worth skin-tight?

Hands fall to find,

The world is unkind.

Countless die from depression’s heights,

Waiting for laws to be signed….

………..Waiting for a hand to hold.

K. Aldaya, 6/4/16

354. Stuck in Time

alone-andthelicks-car-city-cute-girl-Favim.com-82741

Time blows around me;

Stuck in place, I feel it pass me,

And sings it’s haunted lullaby,

Of what will never be.

I watch the time and people pass;

They wave as they walk right past.

For a moment we knew each other,

And then that moment became the past.

I stand in place and wave goodbye,

And wish them all the best and try…

To be happy they are moving on;

Though secretly I want to cry.

No one stays and no one should.

I’m lost to time and no one could,

Stay here long without a cost,

And there’s no reason why they would.

Time drift’s on and passes me,

Along with everyone I see.

Is anyone else left behind,

To make the time less lonely?

-Time blows around me.

Stuck in place I feel it pass me,

And sings it’s haunted lullaby,

Of what will never be.

K. Aldaya, 5/14/16

Picture: Originally posted on http://icanfeelyourheart.tumblr.com/; http://favim.com/image/82741/

353. Puppet Heart

marionette

It reminds me that I’m not loved for me…

I’m loved for what I do;

When I don’t do what’s expected,

(As all those other people do),

I’m swiftly rejected.

No words are needed to remind me that,

My mind’s not important to you.

As long as my body does it’s work,

You’ll treat me as a human too.

I’m nothing but a piece of work.

Even my mind can’t stand for this,

And is gone most of the time.

How is it I don’t have a say,

In controlling what is mine?

So it oft’ seems best just to stay away.

I have to earn my place in your heart,

I’m not enough just being me.

If I didn’t do what I’m supposed to,

Would you ever be able to love me?

Love comes with strings attached.

K. Aldaya, 5/13/16

Picture: By Rosie Hardy on Flickr; http://weheartit.com/entry/group/467124

352. Random Thought #17

I could sit for hours in this spot,

Just staring at the wall;

And I sometimes wish I could do just that,

Without any guilt at all.

Yet, I feel guilty for my absence;

For not being enough…

For letting my mind escape for awhile,

When times get tough.

So I fight against the emptiness,

And fight against the pain,

When I know it’s only a matter of time,

And it’s sure to end the same.

If one day I don’t make it back.

Please promise me you’ll try,

To still come visit, and hold my hand,

A few times before I die.

K. Aldaya, 5/11/16

351. Victims of the Sun

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Near and yet so far away,

The pangs of love cut through.

We are only victims of the day;

Of the sun which reaches through,

And sets our hearts on fire.

Hearts rage in the blazing heat,

Pulsing with fresh desires.

Will we able to stop our feet,

From burning in these fires?

When hearts so oft’ rouse our feet?

Near and yet so very far.

Hearts smolder in the sun.

We turn away as our insides char,

For we’ve no choice but to shun,

What will only leave a scar.

K. Aldaya, 5/10/16

Picture:  Original Source Unknown; http://divinetrinitytarot.tumblr.com/post/135661808106/happy-summer-solstice-to-my-followers-in-the